giopanipi Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Hi, I was recently in a two-and-a-half-year relationship with my ex. We were in love, but for the last 6 months, things were going downhill because I was depressed for many reasons, and I didn't give her the attention and love she wanted. Eventually, she ended it. However, a few days later I found out that she'd performed sex acts on another man during our relationship, the night before she ended it. Now she apologizes and regrets it but at the time I was very angry and didn't want to know. We spoke on and off for two weeks. After the two weeks, I found out from a friend that she had been seeing the man she cheated on me with. They had had full sexual intercourse, DVD nights round his house etc etc. Now at this point we weren't going out but we both knew there was a chance that we may of got back together. But this just feels like a massive slap to the face that she'd do something like this. I'm so hurt and confused and I don't know what to do. I still love her and have feelings for her, but at the same time what she did shows no respect or care. I need some un-biased advice from you guys. Would be much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 She's moved on Time for you to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author giopanipi Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 But she says she still loves me and if I were to say I wanted her back she would cut all contact with the other guy. I am confused and I don't know whether she is being serious or just playing mind games to rub my face in it. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 It sounded like she had some wild oats to sew and she happened to do it on your watch. It is really unfortunate because you may never trust her again. Do you want to reconcile and find a way to get over it? She hasnt dropped this guy yet though? Lol. If she wanted to be with you, she would only be speaking to you. If you wanted her to drop contact she would though? Link to post Share on other sites
Author giopanipi Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 She says she likes him and they're just seeing each other but i'm not convinced. I love her and I want to get back, but I can imagine how painful every day life will be, especially since he lives closer to her than I do, literally walking distance. She said to me if I wanted her back she would stop contacting him and cut all ties. I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 It is very unwise to trust the words of someone who has committed murder to the relationship by cheating. I wouldn't take her word of no longer having anything to do with this Guy to heart. She has already had sex with him, lives close by him; gave him sexual acts, whilst with you -at the end of your relationship. I know you love her, but get ahold of yourself. This relationship was doomed the moment she tried sexual acts on another Guy, thus cheating on you. She doesn't sound all that sorry to me; or she'd stop being with said Guy already. Thus, take nothing to heart, she says. Her excuses that she'll make-up, don't buy them. Loneliness, though terrible, is no reason to cheat. She is a weak partner; it shows. If she cannot handle you depressed or be there to help you through it, she clearly isn't the one. Wavering over this proves that. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 She said to me if I wanted her back she would stop contacting him and cut all ties. That doesn't seem right, does it? She cheated on you and broke up with you. If she really wanted to reconcile, she'd be begging for you to take her back and she'd be acting as though she is ready for a relationship with you. She'd maybe do a little groveling. She'd do a lot more than she's doing now. But instead she's just like, "Yeah, well, if you want me, you'll have to make that move." She's not serious about getting back with you. And if she thought cheating on you was a mistake, she wouldn't still be seeing that guy. What she's asking you to do is actually pretty messed up. You should just walk away from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author giopanipi Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thank you guys, I think that's what i'll do. I'm meeting her today to basically say goodbye and to tell her to chuck all my stuff out. thanks for the advice, but you're right. She doesn't seem like she wants to be in this anymore so i'll cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thank you guys, I think that's what i'll do. I'm meeting her today to basically say goodbye and to tell her to chuck all my stuff out. thanks for the advice, but you're right. She doesn't seem like she wants to be in this anymore so i'll cut her loose. There is no reason to take her back. In fact you should not take her back. Only because of all the BH posts here that had WW's that cheated on them before they married them only to find out that the WW cheated on them after the wedding. There is no reason to even see her and say good bye. She knows she cheated. She knows that after dumping you she continued to bang the OM. So what are you going to tell her that she does not already know? Stay home, block her cell No. Link to post Share on other sites
Author giopanipi Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 So I went to see her today, and i was getting convinced but something wasn't right. She had a look in her eye. So I asked her to give me her phone so I could see their conversation. It turns out that she likes him way more then she claimed, and way more happened then she let me know. So again, more lies. I told her I never want to speak to her again, she is disgusting and they deserve each other. It was never going to work out the moment she cheated. Appreciate the advice guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Eventually, she ended it. However, a few days later I found out that she'd performed sex acts on another man during our relationship, the night before she ended it. Now she apologizes and regrets it but at the time I was very angry and didn't want to know. We spoke on and off for two weeks. After the two weeks, I found out from a friend that she had been seeing the man she cheated on me with. They had had full sexual intercourse, DVD nights round his house etc etc. That tells me that she doesn't regret it at all. She's not remorseful, she's not sorry. She said that she's going to continue to do what she's doing until YOU say stop?!?!? That sounds sooo stupid. And I wouldn't believe it for a second. She opened pandora's box, and that box is pretty hard to shut. Especially if she's been intimate with this guy. Time to go NC on her. NO CONTACT! Go completely dark on her. Block her on Facebook. Don't answer her phonecalls, emails or texts. Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly what she wants. And it sounds like it's going to be hard for you but you HAVE to do this. NO CONTACT. You need to heal and move on. She made the choice and unfortunately, it wasn't you. So! You need to start making positive changes in your life. FIRST! You need to seek individual counseling for your depressive episodes. Then, you need to get a new haircut and style. Something people will notice and like. You need to buy a new wardrobe. Start looking totally GQ. This is going to help with your self-esteem. Start going to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you work off the stress and frustrations AND you're working towards a rock hard bod. Again; helping your self esteem. THEN! Go back to school, get a degree. If you have one, then go to grad school. This will keep your mind busy on your school work and not what she's doing. Plus, a better education opens up better job opportunities that will sky rocket your finanical situation. THEN! Get new hobbies. With those new hobbies; there's usually clubs in your area with people that have the same interests. So, join a cycling club, running club, scuba diving, or community theater...whatever... This will get you out of the house and meeting and interacting with other people. Finally! Travel! Go see the world! If there's a place that you've always wanted to see, plan save and then go! You will be amazed on how theraputic traveling is. Just plan a minivaction and just GO! It might burn her ass a little if she ever learned that you're going to Burmuda and the only thing she has to look forward to is DVD night at the neighbors place. The best revenge you can ever get is to lead a damn good life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Her little sex act that she is doing after the break-up won't last long and has no emotional ties. At the moment she just needs an emotional tampon from someone and you aren't going to give one to her and now she's found a rebound. Forgive her after she is done with her rebound or Forget about her Link to post Share on other sites
ali_g Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Typical scenario of "The grass is greener on the other side". She was with you found some attention from other-guy. Needed to explore. Now she can't have you she wants you. People want what they cant have. No wait... KIDS want what they can't have. She sounds immature and selfish IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author giopanipi Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thank you all for your opinions guys, I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 But she says she still loves me and if I were to say I wanted her back she would cut all contact with the other guy. I am confused and I don't know whether she is being serious or just playing mind games to rub my face in it. So she still loves you while she's watching DVD's and having sex with another guy? Funny way of showing it Link to post Share on other sites
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