Goodbye Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Yes a very small NC victory...it has been a whopping 30 hours or so. I'm hoping that after thirty days of this the daunting feeling of loss will lessen. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Good for you take it bit by bit I am like you...still counting hours and days...but not sending that letter, its a step forward for you honestly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Sarabi, are you on complete NC? As in you've blocked him and all that jazz? It is tough...you hang in there too. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I was complete NC from my end for three weeks... Didn't block him or change my number-those are my personal things, I am not changing them for ONE person He started texting, I was ignoring and ignoring and ignoring... I ran into him somewhere. Said a brief hello and still ignored... then a week later he texted and apologised for all the hurtful things he said...we spoke a little(hey, old habits die hard). Anyway now he has gone on holiday with his family for a month...so I now have peace (and I suppose NC) again Its very hard you know. The whole thing is soul crushing, honestly. Pain, tears, tantrums etc...just to hear from them is better than that...but when you hear from them then go back to NC your world feels like its falling apart. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Yes a very small NC victory...it has been a whopping 30 hours or so. I'm hoping that after thirty days of this the daunting feeling of loss will lessen. Great job! Celebrate the small victories and as I said before pull your strength from them! Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 If I can share something that helped for me (4 months out). I framed it like this in my head: 1) I will not settle for second best anymore. No 'affair'. You put a 50% off price tag on yourself and that's what people will pay. Really believe this. 2) If you go NC one of two things happens: He will realize what he lost (you) and change the situation to be with you. OR....He will realize that he (or she!) can reconnect with spouse and all of the things associated with that life/status quo (which means you weren't that important and he wouldn't have left that affair situation anyways...cake eating) 3) If he doesn't come back- at least you are healing and the pain will die down. Trust me it will die down so that its not crippling. It's there but its manageable. So basically- if you want him you must go NC. If you want to live life happily without him you have to go NC. The ONLY thing that will hurt is staying in the situation. And I know that NC is not supposed to be used to 'get someone to come back to you' but at the beginning see it this way. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Praying for Peace, thanks so much for your insights. I do hope that this pain will become more tolerable with time. I had an awful afternoon and so badly wanted to call him and hear his comforting voice, but refrained. Ugh, this sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Okay, so this is probably the most boring thread on the whole board, but whatever. I made it through another night without impulsively emailing the exMM. I'm starting to refer to him as the exMM as I'm starting to accept that his request of "some time to think" really does mean "I'm going to fix my marriage and get rid of you." I still do have fleeting "bunny boiler" urges (thanks Pierre for that term). Still do see myself printing off his thousands of romance/marriage filled emails to me and sending them to her at her office along with photos. But no. I won't go there. Not my thing. I wish I didn't wonder if he thinks of me. I wish I didn't wonder if it was easy for him to resume his "make believe" marriage. Well, it has been nearly 48 hours of NC. I guess this is like the detox phase of addiction. Hopefully the withdrawals will end and I'll enter the early recovery phase. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Thanks Metal Chick. I feel like it is the "watching paint dry" thread with the predictable outcome. But, for me it helps me cope with this depressing no win situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Yes, and really where else can the "dreaded" OW go for support during the aftermath of an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Call some of your women friends and go have some fun. Do a spa day and spoil yourself! Now is the time to be good to 'you'! Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Keep up the good work! It'll be SO worth it in the end when you look back on this whole situation and are completely indifferent to it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 Keep up the good work! It'll be SO worth it in the end when you look back on this whole situation and are completely indifferent to it!! I hope so. I really do. I'm really not well equipped at my age and stage to have such a broken heart and broken esteem. I didn't cry as much today, so maybe I'm starting to heal. I'll keep on counting NC hours until I feel I don't need to anymore. Hopefully that will be soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 At the 72 hour mark of NC, no breadcrumbs...nothing. I vacillate between feeling better and feeling completely despondent. It doesn't help that I got bombarded with a bunch of legal crap...unrelated to the MM situation, but it just increased my sadness and feeling so alone. Reading the stories on here helps me realize that why the love aspect of the relationship was probably genuine, much of what transpired was really sadly predictable. And the end, as sad as it is, could have been predicted. It leaves me empty and hurt, I really want to feel hope again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 Thanks! Love the bunny...no I won't put it in a pot in the BS's kitchen...just kidding. Good for you too, sticking to the plan. Those pangs will become less frequent with time, or so I've been told. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 Day 5....things NOT easier. Man. It was easier briefly and then all sorts of bad stuff happened in my life and I realized my primary support over the last year is gone. I need to rebuild my life. I wish I didn't wonder if he was thinking of me...if he missed me...if all sorts of things triggered vivid memories. I force myself to think of him going forward in life with his deceived wife and his subpar homelife. ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Unfortunately it is going to ebb and flow. Some days you will feel great and realize you haven't thought of him in hours and then somedays you will wake up realizing that you had a dream about him that will set you on the verge of tears for the day. For me, almost 3 months NC, some days are great, some days not so good, but I can honestly tell you that not one day has passed that I haven't thought of him. You will get there and to the other side. Everyday you are NC your resolve to maintain it is stronger. You break NC and you are back at square one. Hang in there. You are tougher than you know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Hello Goodbye! (see I made a joke...haha) You are doing so well. Don't count hours. Count days at this point. You have no idea...I could have written all your posts. But it does get better. Better as in functioning/physical symptoms. I used to not be able to do anything. Now I can but I still think of him and wonder... But it's not in my control. Only my life is under my control and me waiting around moping isn't going to influence his actions at all. Easier said than done. If it makes you feel better I have to go meet with my attorney and stbxh. I feel nauseous. I feel so much anger (not hate) towards my exAP. Unlike others he can't use the excuse that it was just an A with no plans. Since the beginning we said we'd only carry on with this relationship if our intention was to leave and be together. Whatever. I am so proud of you. Have you been making a plan for something constructive to do everyday? Does anyone IRL know about this? Do you have a friend you could confide in that wouldn't judge you? Please update on how you're doing and post here if you feel like contacting him. Think about the worst that could happen if you do contact him (him saying something mean or hanging up) and be glad that you are not deal with NC and feeling like THAT. ((HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Unfortunately it is going to ebb and flow. Some days you will feel great and realize you haven't thought of him in hours and then somedays you will wake up realizing that you had a dream about him that will set you on the verge of tears for the day. For me, almost 3 months NC, some days are great, some days not so good, but I can honestly tell you that not one day has passed that I haven't thought of him. You will get there and to the other side. Everyday you are NC your resolve to maintain it is stronger. You break NC and you are back at square one. Hang in there. You are tougher than you know. Hi DO...you sound like you're at the same point that I am at. I'm at 4 months NC. I did see him once in passing Im sure that didn't help. I was wondering if having your H at home helps a bit. How are things on that end? Can you just go do fun stuff with him (watch a movie, start a project) that might take your mind off of exMM and also allow you to become closer to him? I always thought it was much easier to go NC if you were married. Hang in there NC-buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 I was wondering if having your H at home helps a bit. How are things on that end? Can you just go do fun stuff with him (watch a movie, start a project) that might take your mind off of exMM and also allow you to become closer to him? I always thought it was much easier to go NC if you were married. Hang in there NC-buddy! Hi P4P, In a word...No. I don't want to t/j so I won't go into details. I was going to PM you but I can't figure out how to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 19, 2013 Author Share Posted April 19, 2013 Thanks to you both. Glad you are making miles in your NC mission. Praying...I doubt being married helps, unless it was a great marriage...and then, why would you stray? I'm relieved I don't live with my exH while grieving. I wonder when I'll stop visiting exMM's/exMM's wife's FB pages. Pathetic. Funny thing is they aren't active on FB so not much info there. Just compulsive behavior on my part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 I wonder when I'll stop visiting exMM's/exMM's wife's FB pages. Pathetic. Funny thing is they aren't active on FB so not much info there. Just compulsive behavior on my part. Don't. Every time you feel the urge... drop to the floor and do 25 sit ups....or 20 push ups. Anything. That stuff becomes obsessive...it's better not to know. I know how hard it is....believe me. There are 10 different ways I can check up on my xOM....it hurts so I'd rather not know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 20, 2013 Author Share Posted April 20, 2013 Another day of NC down. Been since Monday...the last email. I wish I could say it is getting easier. I'm pathetic and looked at his fb page and was pleased to see that he "liked" the inn near our university where we rekindled things last year. I was close to emailing last night...I wake up and think of these things, while half asleep. I'm glad I didn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted April 20, 2013 Share Posted April 20, 2013 Another day of NC down. Been since Monday...the last email. I wish I could say it is getting easier. I'm pathetic and looked at his fb page and was pleased to see that he "liked" the inn near our university where we rekindled things last year. I was close to emailing last night...I wake up and think of these things, while half asleep. I'm glad I didn't. Ah, those small victories!! They will all lead to conquering this once and for all. Glad that you are keeping up with this. It has been 4 days of complete NC for me (there were little things here and there before). This thread lets me know that I'm not the only one who is struggling and looking at his fb page (even his wife's. ugh) etc. I think that in some way, it is part of the healing process. Maybe I'll get sick of looking at it one day, which is better than forcing myself to not look since that probably won't work for me. Keep us posted :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 20, 2013 Author Share Posted April 20, 2013 Thanks psm...sorry you are having a tough time. Feel free to use this thread to keep us updated on your NC progress. For the time being, it seems to help to talk about it. Eventually I will need to make it (the grief) a smaller part of my day. Link to post Share on other sites
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