The No Contact "game"

[HonestNeurotic]

There is a misconception about NC.

 

Two lovers that have not been caught can never pull out NC.

 

NC only works when the relationship is over due to a d-day and the wandering spouse has decided to work on the marriage. In this instance it would be best for the AP to go NC. Periodic contact would simply prolonged the time to recovery.

 

It would behoove TOW to stick to NC because the affair has ended. Of course, some try to get a couple of romps in the sac before saying goodbye, but this makes it worse.

 

And lets not forget those that can live without closure. Ha, ha, closure is another way of saying I still have hope.

 

Oh but I DID! NC is just a tool to facilitate the break up. I told him (my old AP) to leave me alone. He has texted me a few times, but I never answered them. We never had a dday. Not that it would have mattered on my end. And since it was just really sex and friendship and not love, well, that was perhaps why it was so very easy for me.

 

Break ups are hard whether or not it's an affair. Endings are sad. Even when they are for the right reasons. When life ends, it's called DEATH. That's always sad. But waffling on the contact, when one knows that it's just prolonging the pain? I admit that I am rather all or nothing kinda girl and well, the older I get, the less likely I am to stick with those that break their promises to me. Life's too short.

 

If my MM gets caught, and has to do some NC thang? I told him that's it. Not going to prolong pain. Pretty sure it'll hurt. But better to have a clearly defined idea of where I'm going in life than to live in chaos.

 

I learned that when I broke up with My Favorite Mistake years ago. It just prolongs the pain for soooooo much longer than it had to be.

[SunshineToday]

NC works great as long as one person wants it and sticks to it.

 

And in my opinion if you are still "fishing" after NC has been initiated and held too, you have a lack of self respect.

 

That article is strange and doesn't seem to be about true NC.

 

In my case AP and I were together on a Saturday. All was great. Sunday I had my DDAY. Monday I texted my NC text to him. That was 4 years ago. NC can work.

[Mikes Girl]

MM had his dday on Saturday. No contact initiated then. Visited him at work yesterday because I felt I needed a face-to-face explanation. It was excruciating. Nothing from him today. Don't know if he will come back. Seemed resolved that I should accept it's over.

[Lillyfree]

There is a misconception about NC.

 

Two lovers that have not been caught can never pull out NC.

 

NC only works when the relationship is over due to a d-day and the wandering spouse has decided to work on the marriage. In this instance it would be best for the AP to go NC. Periodic contact would simply prolonged the time to recovery.

 

It would behoove TOW to stick to NC because the affair has ended. Of course, some try to get a couple of romps in the sac before saying goodbye, but this makes it worse.

 

And lets not forget those that can live without closure. Ha, ha, closure is another way of saying I still have hope.

 

erm... i would disagree with this blanket statement.

 

i have not been caught. i've sent the final email and initiated NC. it's now been over 5 months, and i don't even think of it as 'being in NC' anymore - it's just over.

[loredo21]

MM had his dday on Saturday. No contact initiated then. Visited him at work yesterday because I felt I needed a face-to-face explanation. It was excruciating. Nothing from him today. Don't know if he will come back. Seemed resolved that I should accept it's over.

 

What ended up happening Mikes Girl? You should share your story.

[Mme. Chaucer]

No contact can be a game, but if a person's seriously done, it is not; in fact, it's probably the only way for many.

 

I can't understand why some people say "it doesn't work."

 

I believe that if MY relationship has to end, and that I'm weak about it, but sure - or that the person or the situation might add to my pain and impede my getting through it - having no contact with that person is THE way to get through it.

 

That's for all difficult breakups. Not specifically breaking up with somebody who's married to another person.

[movingon45]

Here's an interesting read for you about why NC doesn't work:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sticky-bonds/201004/lets-talk-again-month-now

 

 

"

Cold Turkey, one day at a time. That works. But the person has to make a very firm decision that this is truly the end and then grieve the permanent loss.

Copyright 2010 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D."

 

Very good article!!! Thanks for sharing.

[forgetmenot75]

When one knows its over?

Im NC now, for the third time since this started 4 months ago. He said he doesn't love me, that he never will. I'm NC because I need to know whether he will contact me or not. This time Im not giving up, Im tired.

Secretly inside me, I hope he does indeed feel something for me, and he'll contact me again. How naive I am, right?

At least this NC will serve me to heal.What else I could do in my situation? there are times when NC is the only choice.