Realtalk007 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I have been dating this guy for 3 years now and the topic of marriage has been brought up. Unfortunately, last year his close cousin (they are like brothers) started dating a girl my boyfriend messed around with in college. They were never serious but I don't know much of the details. He had mentioned her while we joked about our past... mentioning her as a fav ex and now she pops up in the picture. His cousin proposed to her after 6 months of dating and they are getting married this summer. I do not feel jealousy towards her exactly but I feel uncomfortable with the situation. I don't like it when he hugs her when they see each other at family events, that she is in contact with his immediate family, or that we will have to see her at every family event. I think I don't like her because she is in my "territory" per say. I am very unsure of what to do and have been thinking of just moving on so that I am not continuously stressed by this awkward situation. He is an amazing man... the only problem is being in the same family with his ex-hook up. So, am I supposed to share his last name with her? I don't know how to move past this or feel better about the situation. Yes, I have him and she doesn't but that doesn't help to alleviate the awkward feeling. Maybe its the mystery? I don't know... Please help Link to post Share on other sites
steveT95 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 The best thing you can do is explain to your boyfriend how you feel and hopefully he will be willing to talk about him and her and explain what detail you want to know as much as you need. Let him know you aren't comfortable with her been there so he can be more understanding. There is nothing wrong with them been civil together or even friendly at family events but it is very unfair on you if he increases how much he talks with her. Other than that you're just going to have to except it. She is marrying his cousin, not him. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I agree with steveT95, except that I wouldn't want to know the details, especially anything about how intimate they were. If you do, you'll need to be prepared to react badly to the mental images that might follow. It sounds as though he doesn't talk about her much, though it is a bit disconcerting that he called her is "fav ex." If you are considering breaking up with him over this, then it sounds very serious. So, talk to him. Agree what the boundaries are and that you would rather not have to spend too much time in her company. One alternative strategy is to get to know her, as a person in her own right, rather than your boyfriend's ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Realtalk007 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks Steve and January... I guess I have to just accept it and either stay and deal with it or break up and move on... which is what I am thinking. Especially since it consumes my thoughts and emotions. I have told my boyfriend and he says that he cant really do anything, which is the truth. I can't make him stop seeing his cousin, etc. Its not fair to him. I am very much affected and just do not know how to let it go. I thought about getting to know her but I don't know how it will help. Will it give me the upper hand? Its such a sticky situation. Running away seems so much better than staying and dealing with the issue, but it doesnt solve anything esp. if I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy. Its so hard to move past this... Link to post Share on other sites
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