? Translating Guy Speak ?

[emuchic]

Short preface: Both professionals in our very early 30's.

- last month met a wonderful man when visiting relative in hospital, saw him almost daily for a week.

- went back to my city, couldn't stop thinking about him

- called the hospital and left him a message 10 days later.

- We began talking/texting.

- Next time i was in town we had lunch. was terribly awkward both of us were nervous. something magnetic though, was dieing to kiss him (and more)...but he was a perfect gentleman.

-Finally built up the courage and texted him that i liked him and he was someone i could see myself with and that i'm not looking for a hookup.

 

2 days later i get this response: Not sure what to believe or how to interpret. Why didn't he call to tell me all this?!

 

"Ok... wow! That really floored me for a few reasons. I definitely wasn't expecting that because I had no idea! I really thought you were kind of not liking me very much. Second, that was the worst timing and worst luck I could imagine. My phone was dead and I had no way of charging it so I didn't get your message. SORRY!! I mean...you send a text like that and don't get a response for almost 2 days?! Geez, that's horrible!! I forgot my phone charger of course and no one else had an iPhone 5. I'm sorry about that. I just got home and finally got some juice in this thing.

 

I was really surprised by your message. I wasn't expecting that. Like you said, I definitely wouldn't expect to hear that in a text. I don't even know what to say in a text to respond. I really liked you immediately too. I just didn't want to seem too forward or like some kind of creep and just ask you out or for your number or anything. You were there to support your mother during her surgery. I didn't know what to do. I was shocked when you called, but definitely thrilled. I'm not looking for a hook up either. It's just that you live in NYC and I live here. I don't know... I've never done the long distance thing. I do know however that I'd like to get to know you better."

[Emilia]

He sounds like a very very nice man and he wants to get to know you better

[Treasa]

No one knows what this guy is really thinking, but it sounds like he's flattered but isn't sure how to nicely tell you that he doesn't want a LDR. If you lived closer, things might be different, but you don't.

[CryForNoOne]

No problem here. Could be an honest answer. He likes you. Don't know if distance is an issue. He sounds nervous by text just like IRL...

[emuchic]

so, you think he was genuine about losing his charger? it was excruciating not hearing anything after putting myself out there like that!

 

it's the "get to know you better" part that is confusing me. physically? no strings attached dating?

 

and why didn't he CALL?!?

 

oh- and what is IRL?

 

I'm so out of the dating loop, haha.

[Treasa]

IRL means "in real life."

 

He does sound like he likes you, but to be honest, I'd be a little skittish if someone sent me a text saying she was looking for something serious, especially if I barely knew her.

 

I have no idea if he was telling you the truth about his charger. He might have been lying and doesn't want to say that he had no idea how to respond for a couple of days. I don't know.

[Treasa]

and why didn't he CALL?!?

 

 

Maybe your personality comes across a little intense? Not everyone can handle that well. Don't worry - I sometimes come across as intense, too.

[CryForNoOne]

I have no idea if he was telling you the truth about his charger. He might have been lying and doesn't want to say that he had no idea how to respond for a couple of days. I don't know.

 

That thought crossed my mind as well. It sounded like a perfectly plausible excuse if he was traveling and forgot his charger but it sounds like you were the one who travelled and he is local no?

 

Anyway it's not meaningful lie even if it is. He wouldn't make up that story UNLESS he liked you and is trying to save face. If he was not interested there is no need to lie. That's very telling...

[emuchic]

I wouldn't say we barely know each other... small town, mutual acquaintances. went out to a baseball game & lunch. been texting and talking ever since.

 

Oh and HE WAS travelling! Went to visit his brother for a long-weekend.

 

What made him stand out in my eyes, is that he came to visit my mom every single day and sat around talking to my parents at the end of his shift... every day. He certainly didn't have to do that, he's in anesthesia (i.e. no patient contact other than the OR)

 

it's very uncanny- haven't been able to stop thinking about him, or his smile, or his kindness. i'm smitten!

[Emilia]

so, you think he was genuine about losing his charger? it was excruciating not hearing anything after putting myself out there like that!

 

it's the "get to know you better" part that is confusing me. physically? no strings attached dating?

 

and why didn't he CALL?!?

 

Hey, you need to relax first of all.

 

I think he was very genuine and extremely considerate about how you must have felt for 2 days

 

He doesn't necessarily like the idea of LDR but he likes you and doesn't want to lose the opportunity of getting to know you. It doesn't sound to me the slightest like he is trying to hook up with you.

 

He didn't call because he is shy

[Treasa]

It definitely sounds like he likes you, but it also sounds like he doesn't like LDRs. And it takes a lot of work to make them successful.

[emuchic]

thanks everyone for all the advice- sometimes you just need an outside perspective!

 

will keep you posted. i feel like i'm 15 again, sheesh. haha.

[candie13]

Don't know what to say. Email sounds great, but look at facts: you were the one who initiated contact not once, but twice. He is the one not returning your calls.

 

I am sure he is shy... it's just that... personally, I live with my cell stuck to me. Always. It may not always be fully charged, but it's never off. I could live with my phone off - an evening. Even a day. Two days? Me? Nope, never gonna happen .

 

Of course, I admit that men are not like that. If he is shy, chances are he is not that social or is in close contact with that many people.

 

Assuming all is fine with him and he is a nice person and everything... you'll still have to do most of the pursuing (what I call "the dirty work") without looking too eager. You seem involved enough to do that, just make sure to hold your horses and give him some space to respond, as well...

[curlygirl40]

How far away do you live from each other?

 

To me, to be able to do a long distance relationship the connection and chemistry would have to be so strong that I decided I would do what it takes to make it work.

 

I think a lot of others would feel the same. If you go to the long distance relationship section of this site you will see that. People willing to do what it takes because they can't imagine their life without that other person in it, even if it means sacrifice on both parts.

 

So maybe he likes you but just not sure until he gets to know you better if he likes you enough to be able to decide that he wants to do a long distance thing.

 

I'm thinking he didn't call because that's not how you started this conversation. You texted him so he texted his response.

 

And like the other poster I also noticed that you seem to be doing all of the reaching out here. You're doing all of the heavy lifting and he doesn't seem to be reciprocating.

 

I tend to believe (where I usually wouldn't) his story about the phone, if he was just going to let you down easy I don't think he would bother going through his excuse about why it took him so long to get back to you.

 

Just wait it out and see where it goes. Let him lead. You've already let your feelings be known, the ball is firmly in his court and it's up to him to decide to do something with it.

 

Best of luck

[MidwestUSA]

As for why he texted instead of calling, you texted, he texted. Pretty simple. You should move to actual conversation tho to prevent further misunderstandings. So much is lost when texting - tone, emotion. It does sound like he'd be interested if the distance factor could be overcome. Good luck!

[emuchic]

The distance: it's an hour plane ride... but i come home pretty frequently on the weekends.

 

About texting vs. calling, fair enough i texted so he texted back.

 

Am i doing all the reaching out? so far it has been pretty mutual. Yes, I did contact him first, but he immediately told me he was so glad I did and that he was kicking himself for not getting my number or asking me out before I left the hospital. And yes, I was the one to tell him that I "liked him"... but honestly, i just couldn't wait any longer! Other than that, he's always suggesting plans, texting and calling.

 

The ball is in his court. So, do I respond to his epic text or just wait for him to follow up? He sent it early last evening.

[curlygirl40]

I would respond to that text, don't just leave it hanging. BUT I would try to just be cool about it and then wait to see what he does with it.

 

When I say be cool, try to say something that just puts you back to neutral. Like, don't try to have this big conversation over text.

 

You just met. He seems like a nice guy. I liked how he checked up on your family member even though he didn't have to. That shows compassion and/or interest in you for sure.

 

If it's meant to be, it will work out without all of this angst. Return his text, try to deflect any serious talk, somehow make sure he knows you're still interested. Do you know when you're going to be back in his town?

 

Sorry from where I'm typing I can't read your original post. Didn't he end his text by saying that he would like to get to know you better?

 

Maybe you agree and just say that you would like to spend time getting to know each other, I'll be in town next weekend and just leave it at that.

 

Something short and sweet that does not continue this long drawn out text exchange about feelings and such, but something that lets him know you're still interested and would like to get to know him as well. Gotta be a good way to say it.

 

"Hey thanks for the text! Hope you had a good trip visiting your brother. I would like to get to know each other better also, next time I'm in town we should get together, would be fun" and then leave it alone??

[emuchic]

yes, his last line was "I don't know... I've never done the long distance thing. I do know however that I'd like to get to know you better."

 

sounds like a plan, might use your words verbatim.

[curlygirl40]

 

 

I was really surprised by your message. I wasn't expecting that. Like you said, I definitely wouldn't expect to hear that in a text. I don't even know what to say in a text to respond. I really liked you immediately too. I just didn't want to seem too forward or like some kind of creep and just ask you out or for your number or anything. You were there to support your mother during her surgery. I didn't know what to do. I was shocked when you called, but definitely thrilled. I'm not looking for a hook up either. It's just that you live in NYC and I live here. I don't know... I've never done the long distance thing. I do know however that I'd like to get to know you better."

 

O.K, that's better now I can respond and see what he wrote at the same time.

 

He definitely seems interested, if he wasn't I think he would try to let you down easy instead of inserting all sorts of 'I was shocked when you called but definitely thrilled' and he's maybe a little shy 'didn't want to seem to forward or like some kind of creep'.

 

I'm changing my last post. lol

 

Here's what I would say, along these lines:

 

'well, one thing we can agree on is that we should get to know each other better so let's start there and not worry about the rest (like the distance) for now'

 

Or you can be cute with something like 'There's a lot of things I don't know either (like, how exactly do they get the filling in the donuts???), but, like you, I do know that we should get to know each other better. Looking forward to it. '

 

That just makes it much more simple. No talk of 'I'm not looking for a hookup' or 'I don't think I can do a long distance relationship', etc.

 

It's WAY WAY too early for that. Take it slow. Start slow. Starting with simply spending time together and getting to know each other is what you need to do. Any other talk can wait until later.

 

If you put him (and yourself!!) at ease instead of all of this worry about where you go from there then you can both relax and get on with the fun stuff, just getting to know each other.

 

But yes, answer his text for sure. If you wait he might feel like you are punishing him or something if you don't answer or wait too long to respond.

[xpaperxcutx]

He sounds like he likes you (as far as attraction goes) but he's very iffy about the long distance. Notice how he wants to get to know you but he's not setting up anything to date or meet up with you again. Even if this does lead to anything you will probably end up texting him more than you see him.

 

I say, don't jump into this head first. This will more than likely end up as a short romance if he's not initiating or putitng into a good amount of effort into chasing you. It's not necessarily putting the ball in his court but how much energy he's willing to spend to chase you.

[emuchic]

@curlygirl. Went with your suggestion "'well, one thing we can agree on is that we should get to know each other better so let's start there and not worry about the rest (like the distance) for now"

 

he just texted back: "ok. that sounds good to me."

 

darnit. too brief? no enthusiasm? maybe i just need to get out of my head for a while and stop over-analyzing. going for a bike ride.

[soccerrprp]

I don't want to be a pooper, but though he may like you, he is certainly not enthusiastic about the LDR. I have a feeling, as others have eluded, that he may not have the stomach for a LDR for long and this will end up as a short relationship.

 

The other thing that strikes me is the dead cell-phone thing. So, he didn't respond to you for 2-days b/c of dead phone? He has an Iphone-5, which likely means that he's a technophile or at least one to eagerly purchase or upgrade to the next great apple phone. So, someone like that is very likely using his phone as the primary means of communication, so why didn't he bring a charger to the hospital if he was going to stay there for 2-days. Right? He lives in that town. So he could and would have gone home to retrieve it if he knew he was going to stay in the hospital.

 

Either way, I seriously doubt that he would have gone 2-days w/o recharging his phone. Eh, just my thought.

[GorillaTheater]

 

Couldn't have said it better myself. You're WAY overthinking this entire thing.

 

Relax. It'll be fine.

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't want to be a pooper, but though he may like you, he is certainly not enthusiastic about the LDR. I have a feeling, as others have eluded, that he may not have the stomach for a LDR for long and this will end up as a short relationship.

 

The other thing that strikes me is the dead cell-phone thing. So, he didn't respond to you for 2-days b/c of dead phone? He has an Iphone-5, which likely means that he's a technophile or at least one to eagerly purchase or upgrade to the next great apple phone. So, someone like that is very likely using his phone as the primary means of communication, so why didn't he bring a charger to the hospital if he was going to stay there for 2-days. Right? He lives in that town. So he could and would have gone home to retrieve it if he knew he was going to stay in the hospital.

 

Either way, I seriously doubt that he would have gone 2-days w/o recharging his phone. Eh, just my thought.

 

i kind of agree.

 

OP, you say he's a professional? Pros need cell phones on 24/7 and even if they are in the hospital they tend to take their work with them .Whatever his job is, i question why his phone has been off for 2 days? Also, are you absolutely certain he's single? I swear there are men out there who will lie to get a date.

[curlygirl40]

Yup, relax and stop thinking so much about it. Easier said than done, as a reformed overthinker myself! lol

 

Whatever happens will happen. Try to step back and see what he does with it.

 

He might have thought about it more after sending that text to you and now feels differently. The distance thing is obviously on his mind.

 

I know it's hard to do, but just sit back and wait. Go for that bike ride, take care of yourself and chill.

 

Time tells all tales....

 

If he's interested in pursuing, he will pursue. If not, then I give you credit for putting yourself out there. At least you let your interest be known. No regrets!