Author emuchic Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) @soccerprp: i was just as skeptical about the phone thing, but in all fairness.... he wasn't at work over the weekend- he went to Pittsburgh for a long-weekend. and it's true, no-one seems to have an iphone 5 charger. @gorilla: i'm relaxing, or at least trying to. not very often i meet people that pique my interest. @xpaperxcutx: he's divorced. definitely. we haven't gone into details. he does have 2 kids, ages 6 and 3. He showed me their pics etc. apparently has a good relationship with his ex. Edited April 16, 2013 by emuchic Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 @soccerprp: i was just as skeptical about the phone thing, but in all fairness.... he wasn't at work over the weekend- he went to Pittsburgh for a long-weekend. and it's true, no-one seems to have an iphone 5 charger. Okay, didn't know this. Phone thing could certainly be legit! Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 (edited) and...he didn't call today. pretty bummed. oh well ;( at least putting myself out there was a good "filter". Edited April 17, 2013 by emuchic Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 still nothing. not a peep from him. what to do? just chalk this one up to ..... over-eagerness? advice, please Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 still nothing. not a peep from him. what to do? just chalk this one up to ..... over-eagerness? advice, please Yes, that is what I would do. I still think he was spending a couple of days trying to think of what to say, and he isn't interested in pursuing things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 @treasa: guess you were right. still bummed though. i really liked him. damn. (and this is not my ego talking) Here's a Q though- if he wasn't interested why not just say? I mean, we are both adults. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Because he probably does like you, or at the very least likes you enough not to hurt your feelings. I'd say find some hottie close to you and let him bask in your affections. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
curlygirl40 Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 @treasa: guess you were right. still bummed though. i really liked him. damn. (and this is not my ego talking) Here's a Q though- if he wasn't interested why not just say? I mean, we are both adults. Well, you did what you could. You put the ball in his court and for some reason, he's choosing not to do anything with it. That might change once he's had time to think about it, but chasing him won't change it for sure so you're really doing all you can. As far as your last question, why not just say it? This happens all the time with both sexes. For the most part, nobody likes to hurt someone else's feelings. It's easier to fade away, or give a reasonable excuse (I just met someone, the distance is too far, I'm taking a break from dating) than it is to face it head on. Many people (men and women!) would rather chew their arm out of a trap then to straight up say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested in you". Feels mean, so they convince themselves it's nicer to let people down easy. I do think his text was pretty elaborate for someone who wasn't interested and just wanted to let you down easy. Why bother going through everything he did in detail in the text? Like how happy he was to hear from you, and how he liked you too but didn't want to be creepy or whatever he said. Not sure why he went into so much detail just to let you down easy. Chances are good he meant it at the time but has now had a change of heart. The distance, maybe he met someone, etc. You've done all you can do, I give you credit for putting yourself out there and let him know you're interested. Sit back, maybe he'll come back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I'll say you have a much bigger set than a lot of guys I know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 Chances are good he meant it at the time but has now had a change of heart. The distance, maybe he met someone, etc. change of heart in two days???! something doesn't make sense. maybe he was a player disguised as a "good guy". just wanted to thank everyone for all the advice, so- thanks everyone!! Link to post Share on other sites
Harlequin_Dog Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Hey- can you still keep us posted? I know some people try waiting 3-5 days before saying anything. Or if he's a doctor, on call hours can be hell. It could be 2-3 days before he's even free again. But even so, if I were you I'd start scouting out other possibilities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 The distance: it's an hour plane ride... but i come home pretty frequently on the weekends. About texting vs. calling, fair enough i texted so he texted back. Am i doing all the reaching out? so far it has been pretty mutual. Yes, I did contact him first, but he immediately told me he was so glad I did and that he was kicking himself for not getting my number or asking me out before I left the hospital. And yes, I was the one to tell him that I "liked him"... but honestly, i just couldn't wait any longer! Other than that, he's always suggesting plans, texting and calling. The ball is in his court. So, do I respond to his epic text or just wait for him to follow up? He sent it early last evening. you respond....dont play games(not saying you would)and make him wait.......you know what it feels like.......best wishes...he sounds sincere and nice......i wish you much luck...if you really like the guy ....which i can tell you do....smile and see where it goes...who knows....sorry i am a bit cat in the hat with posts.......cant help it...everytime i write a word all the rhyming words are coming in after it.....groan....moan....stone.alone.....phone....him....yes phone him.....do it on a whim....lol...ahem ok i slink off now......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chex Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I was honestly floored that anyone found me attractive, and when I found out I was like "wow." I'd say it's honest feeling here, most guys are hardly, if ever, told they're hot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 @Harlequin_Dog: i'll definitely keep everyone posted. So far, still nothing. I just don't get it. @chex: didn't tell him he was hot per se... maybe I should back up to the beginning... here's what i sent him on Sunday morning. Are there red-flags here, anything that would make a man run for the hills? "hey ******- never done this before, but want to cut to the chase. I like you... from the moment I met you in pre-op/holding. The kindness you displayed towards my parents was really the clincher. For some reason haven't been able to stop thinking about you for the past month. Even though I'm an adult, feel like a shy nervous teenager around you- talking about socks and lawn mowers!! Not sure where you are in your life right now, but i'm looking for something more than a hook-up.... and you are someone I can see myself with. If you're up for it- have a feeling it could be amazing. If not, nothing ventured nothing gained. Ideally would tell you all this on the phone... anyways, Happy Sunday!" Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) As a guy, allow me to translate what this guy means by this: I was really surprised by your message. I wasn't expecting that. Like you said, I definitely wouldn't expect to hear that in a text. I don't even know what to say in a text to respond. I really liked you immediately too. I just didn't want to seem too forward or like some kind of creep and just ask you out or for your number or anything. You were there to support your mother during her surgery. I didn't know what to do. I was shocked when you called, but definitely thrilled. I'm not looking for a hook up either. It's just that you live in NYC and I live here. I don't know... I've never done the long distance thing. I do know however that I'd like to get to know you better." He really means the following: I was really surprised by your message. I wasn't expecting that. Like you said, I definitely wouldn't expect to hear that in a text. I don't even know what to say in a text to respond. I really liked you immediately too. I just didn't want to seem too forward or like some kind of creep and just ask you out or for your number or anything. You were there to support your mother during her surgery. I didn't know what to do. I was shocked when you called, but definitely thrilled. I'm not looking for a hook up either. It's just that you live in NYC and I live here. I don't know... I've never done the long distance thing. I do know however that I'd like to get to know you better." I don't know what Guy Speak is, but this guy was writing you in plain English. Most men mean what they say. We don't speak in metatext, or use a whole lot of hidden meanings. The best that can be gleaned from this exchange is that he liked you, might have been a bit too shy to call or text you himself, and now that you have contacted him, he would like to get to know you better in some fashion. Edited April 18, 2013 by TheGuard13 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 @theguard: thank you, even made me smile sheepishly. ok he used plain english, i agree. so... how come i haven't heard from him? how can he get to know me if he's silent? not a text- phonecall, nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 He would probably have been interested in getting to know you, but I don't think he saw himself with you yet. He just thought you were an interesting person. This guy might be a little shy. You might have come on a tad too strong in that last Sunday email with the "can see myself with you" bit, but if this guy was right for you, he wouldn't feel that way. I'd say give it through the weekend. If he doesn't contact you this weekend, then you'll know he's probably not interested. I once waited a week to contact a girl I really hit it off with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 My take is he likes you but the LDR thing is a deal killer. So view it as a missed opportunity and not an ego bruise if he never calls. I'm almost certain of it actually... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) so i get a text message from a number almost IDENTICAL to his instead of ###-730-#### it is ###-704-#### saying something about surgery on his mother may 15th. Didn't realize it wasn't his number (deleted it from my phone so as to not mistakenly call it) so called him immediately (i've got it memorized), got his vmail. THEN i went back and stared at the text and saw it wasn't the right number... to make things worse, I texted him to explain that i called because of this text. THEN i texted AGAIN saying "btw is everything ok? you just kinda disappeared" so now i'm mortified. ugh. MORTIFIED! my face and ears are burning me!!!! (of course he hasn't texted back) Edited April 18, 2013 by emuchic Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 so i get a text message from a number almost IDENTICAL to his instead of ###-730-#### it is ###-704-#### saying something about surgery on his mother may 15th. Didn't realize it wasn't his number (deleted it from my phone so as to not mistakenly call it) so called him immediately (i've got it memorized), got his vmail. THEN i went back and stared at the text and saw it wasn't the right number... to make things worse, I texted him to explain that i called because of this text. THEN i texted AGAIN saying "btw is everything ok? you just kinda disappeared" so now i'm mortified. ugh. MORTIFIED! my face and ears are burning me!!!! (of course he hasn't texted back) Sweetie, I promise you that you will be laughing at this and telling your friends this story at some time. Don't worry about it. I think it's really cute that you did all that. ETA: Maybe you could see if the 704 guy is interested and/or lives closer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emuchic Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 @treasa: you're so funny, i was cracking up. yeah....let's call the 704 person haha. thanks for lightening up a really embarrassing situation! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Hon, I have a load of embarrassing stories. Let me know if you ever want to hear one. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 From his first text, I think he told you that he likes you, but doesn't want a LDR. I think you came way too strong with your initial text. Way too strong! Next time you like a guy and want to pursue him (although it's not good to pursue men, but if you really want to) try being much much more subtle about it. Just text something more mundane/friendly, like "hey, how have you been blah blahblah" and try to get him to suggest meeting. Sorry this one didn't work out. I know it hurts and creates anxiety. Hate the feeling! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 As embarrassing as that was, realize you guys do not live in the same city so please by all means let it go. I believe any chance with him for the moment is done. Let it go and go back to your routine and maybe date in your local area. Every relationship is dictated not only by chemistry but also time and locations. Given the situation your timings were off and the distance is a romance killer. Don't blame yourself that you screwed up anything, it's really not you. Ultimately if things were ever meant to be it wouldn't have became a game of text and phone tag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 The best way to get over someone is to date someone else. Do that if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
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