Trying to get past it but struggling....

[FoolishMe]

I ended my 3 year relationship with MM about 5 weeks ago. I've posted a couple of times and expressed what I am feeling and everyone was so kind in their responses.

 

I thought it was supposed to get easier. It's not. I went on a date last weekend and I had convinced myself that this guy was going to sweep me off of my feet and make me forget all about the man I love....How wrong I was!!! Don't get me wrong, the guy I went out with was a very nice, good-looking, single man and the conversation was good. After I got in my car, I cried all the way home.

Why can't I get past this? Why does it consume me so? Never in my life have I felt such a pain, such misery.

 

I've not had any contact with MM and it just feels so unnatural. I got a message from him telling me that he just wanted to say hello, to make sure I was doing okay and that he thinks of me all the time. I want to contact him so badly but I know that he needs to think things through and take care of his issues at home. 5 weeks is not enough time for him to sort all of this out.

 

Just some supporting words or thoughts would be nice.

Foolish me

[Naive]

Originally posted by FoolishMe

 

I've not had any contact with MM and it just feels so unnatural. I got a message from him telling me that he just wanted to say hello, to make sure I was doing okay and that he thinks of me all the time.

 

By him being able to get in contact it makes it harder on you. I'm not sure what your story is, so I really can't offer much advice. I know it must be hard, just stand strong.

[Quilly]

Foolish me,

 

You've come this far, you don't want to go back and start all over again! I've just started my NC with MM and it is unbearably painful. I know what you're going through and I question every minute of every day as to whether I can get through this.... but you know what? We don't have a choice. Our MM have made the decision for us... they chose to stay with their wives. And no matter how long we suffer, no matter how many tears we cry, it won't change that. Haven't they taken enough of our lives already? Do we really want to waste away our futures on "what ifs" and "what might have been?" We have to stop believing in relationships that weren't perfect, no matter how much we like to think so.

 

One day at a time Foolish me... it will get better.

[9Lives]

Gosh,

I needed that myself. I just want to get better and never look back. I want to forget it ever happen. I just want to get away from it all and not journey this way again

[Karlise13]

your heartache as if it were a physical injury.

 

Think of it almost like major surgery. An amputation. Yes, there's a lot of pain afterwards.

 

Him calling you is like ripping the bandage off before the wound has healed!

 

Change your number.

 

Treat yourself very gently and remember, you are in recovery period. Take lots of naps, drink teak, spend time with friends, excercise. You have to heal from your physical injury.

 

Did you ever have a broken bone? Damn, that hurts like a bitch. If someone bangs into it when your cast isn't on, damn that hurts like a bitch. But eventually the bone knits together and it's even stronger than before. Someone bangs into that bone after it's healed, it doesn't even rock you.

 

 

Don't let him bother you while you're in recovery mode. I know you're hurting, but he is not part of the cure, unfortunately.

[gypsycat]

Well time heals all wounds. Didn't believe that when people told me that but it's true. Here I am now 7 months on from splitting up with MM and I'm feeling somewhat normal, and I would say I've probably only been in that state for a little while. I just look back now and wonder what on earth I was thinking at the time.

 

Basically though 5 weeks isn't enough time yet, not sure what you can do other than keep chipping away at it. My MM is part of an online music community I'm very active in and he is still there and still active in it, we just pretend each other doesn't exist but gee I wish he'd leave so I don't have to see his name popup all the time. That was the hardest thing, it would be so much easier if I didn't have any reminders whilst I went through that healing process. So I'm going to echo the person who recommended you change your number but do anything you can so no matter what he can't contact you cause that just reopens all those wounds. Tell yourself you'll allow yourself to have contact with him say a year down the road, and you might be surprised to find you don't want to. I went through a stage where I said ok we can be grownups and just friends but I couldn't do it. I could probably handle it now but now I think he's an **** for what he did to me that I wouldn't want to know him.

[mj108]

It's hard---but you do have to heal. For me---when My MM went back to W---I met a guy & jumped into a relationship with him (trying to forget MM). A year later----I ended things with the new guy--I wasn't focused completely on the relationship because I wasn't over MM. It was no fair to the new guy, because he was a great guy but I wasn't in love with him. For me, I'm not going to date for awhile until I know for certain I'm over MM. It takes time to heal your heart...just know that noone can do it for you. When I jumped into the relationship with new guy---I thought he could heal mine, but now I realized I have to do it on my own.

 

My MM just broke things off with me last Sunday. Yes---when me and new guy ended, guess who was knocking at my door once again? So here I am once again trying to heal my heart.

 

I do hope you the best! All this week I've been exercising & hanging around friends & family. It has been helping me so maybe that would help you also. Stay strong & keep your chin up. Keep me updated.