Feelings after being cheated on and then dumped

[shatteredworld]

Some backstory:

 

Broke up with ex 2 months ago, My ex cheated on me with a random girl (supposedly) one night while drunk. He told me about it and when I wanted to give him a second chance he told me he "couldn't let me do that." He continued to tell me over the next few days (I was still talking to him trying to understand and get him back) that he didn't want to love anyone else, he hoped we would cross paths in the future cause it wouldn't be right to be together at least not right then, he wasn't looking for anyone, he didn't want anyone else, he thought a relationship wouldn't be the best thing for him at the moment, and that I had his heart. 4 weeks later he had a new girlfriend.

 

I am at 6 weeks NC now, and I still feel terrible about it. I've accepted that we are over, but I still feel so worthless. I was made to believe that I was worth something to the most important person in my world even after they cheated and then I felt so much more worthless when I found out he replaced me so quickly. These feelings of being worthless, ugly, and unimportant just don't seem to go away. I will be awake in the middle of the night feeling like such a failure and a worthless piece of s***. Do these feelings ever go away after being cheated on?

[january2011]

In my experience, yes, they do. The shock eventually lessens.

 

You're doing the best thing by remaining NC. I don't know what else is going on in your life, but I suggest that you try to focus your energy on those things. You will need to force yourself at first, but eventually, it will get easier and the fog will start to lift.

 

Otherwise, if you are still feeling terrible after 9-12 months, then I'd recommend speaking to a healthcare professional.

[Darren Steez]

Problem is they shouldn't be the "most important thing in your world" that should be you. You put someone on a pedestal, you immediately lower yourself, it should be two people meeting eye to eye on an even level.

 

You're not nothing or worthless, you're somebody. When the hurt subsides and your confidence comes back you'll see.

[shatteredworld]

At the time I wanted to be with him cause I was in love and couldn't imagine living without him. Now my pain is more along the lines of why I wasn't good enough, what I did wrong, and how awful I must've been if he wants this other bimbo instead of me. It's all just really insulting.

[Tinie]

Some backstory:Broke up with ex 2 months ago, My ex cheated on me with a random girl (supposedly) one night while drunk.

 

K. If you were that important to him like he was blathering on about after he cheated, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. You are not worthless. You're not the cheater here. Forget about the douche, drop him like a bag of rocks and move on to someone who is worth your time, b/c this guy isn't. Some people have no morals, but that's not YOUR fault.

[KatZee]

These feelings will go away eventually. My ex cheated on me and I stupidly gave him a second chance. (You should be really grateful he "denied" you this opportunity because that was the worst mistake of my life.)

 

Anyway, we stayed together for another 9 months after he confessed to cheating, and at that point I still wasn't over it. I'm almost a year past the official breakup and I can say I'm pretty much over it at this point, but we've been NC for the entire year. I spent a good 4+ months in the anger stage and then a few more months really accepting things and forgiving myself.

 

So all in all it probably took close to 2 years to be over the hate, the trust issues I had, the lack of confidence, insecurity, feeling horrible about myself etc. It's a long road and a roller coaster but it'll fade eventually.

[shatteredworld]

I am happy that we didn't stay together, at the time though I felt like it was right and I would probably still make the same decision. I now see his true colors with how he treated me afterwards and how much he didn't care if he was able to replace me so easily.

 

I really hope I do get over these problems someday cause the pain is immense at the moment.

[sunbeach200]

I feel your pain. I was on anti depressants and I crashed the car. I really dont know how I managed to go to work. I cried all the time. But as time goes by it WILL get easier. Nine months later and I am laughing alot more than before.

 

hang in there