Caught wife cheating with her best friend's husband

[troubadour]

I had a long conversation with my wife. She is pleading with me to reconsider. She wants a chance to prove herself worthy to me. My fury after I confronted her really surprised her. She was shocked I came to this conclusion so quickly and am carrying it out exactly as I said I would. She is panicked and rightfully so. There will be no turning back.

 

The way I see it, why should I alter my life to attempt to reconcile with a cheater. Could easily be a waste of time and she may do it again at a much less convienent time. Would prefer meeting someone on my own and expend that effort developing a new relationship rather than try to clean up the train wreck. My head and heart are in this. Time to move in the right direction.

 

 

BryanP37, I will say that again.... you are doing the right thing by divorcing your wife!

 

I have a friend whose wife had a year long affair with a married guy from their social circle about a decade ago. After the affair was exposed, and that was a really humiliating experience for all parties involved, he decided to give her another chance. She has been truly a dream wife since then, just like before the affair, but the emotional pain of her betrayal and deception has never gone away. Actually, it has been gradually getting worse and worse and there is no single day in his life now that he wouldn't blame himself for taking her back. He is utterly despised with himself for doing it.

 

Today, about ten years later, he doesn't want to be a bad guy and divorce her - after all, she has been doing everything what so called "remorseful" cheating wife should be doing and she is genuinly sorry for what she has done - but he isn't sure how much longer he can last like that.... the pain is just so hard to endure.

 

It is lkely that you BIL is going through something similiar.... he might have forgiven your sister but he hasn't forgotten what she had done.

[BryanP37]

BryanP37, I will say that again.... you are doing the right thing by divorcing your wife!

 

I have a friend whose wife had a year long affair with a married guy from their social circle about a decade ago. After the affair was exposed, and that was a really humiliating experience for all parties involved, he decided to give her another chance. She has been truly a dream wife since then, just like before the affair, but the emotional pain of her betrayal and deception has never gone away. Actually, it has been gradually getting worse and worse and there is no single day in his life now that he wouldn't blame himself for taking her back. He is utterly despised with himself for doing it.

 

Today, about ten years later, he doesn't want to be a bad guy and divorce her - after all, she has been doing everything what so called "remorseful" cheating wife should be doing and she is genuinly sorry for what she has done - but he isn't sure how much longer he can last like that.... the pain is just so hard to endure.

 

It is lkely that you BIL is going through something similiar.... he might have forgiven your sister but he hasn't forgotten what she had done.

 

I think you are right about my BIL. Once my sisters affair was discovered, she ended it and that was that to her. Nothing really was done except some adjustments in behavior and a change of scenery. They uprooted and moved to a new city away from any reminder. Class rug sweep. To top it off, they had their third child a year later with the idea it would bring them back together. All it really did was distract their attention. All that changed when my life imploded and both saw my reaction. It sickened my sister after she saw what cheating did to me. She finally got to see what kind of pain she inflicted on her husband. I know he regrets staying with her. I also cannot say my sister has been a dream wife since her affair ended. Only now does she realize she's treated my BIL disgracefully since discovery and appears she is finally trying to make amends after all these years. They've begun counciling.

 

As for my discovery, testosterone kicked in in a big way. My reaction to being completely emasculated and played for a fool. My ego was not going to allow me to accept her back. I cannot imagine any scenario where she could possibly make this better for me. It wasn't even worth trying. I briefly entertained some thoughts of seeing where this could go, but after pouring through many of the infidelity threads and seeing what other men and women who've been cheated on are trying to work through, I saw there's no way my personality type could handle trying to reconcile. All of the scenarios I read were unacceptable to me. The only solution is to end the marriage and start over wiser. Less downside to me ending now than giving it 2-3 years and realizing you can't get the graphic images out of your head. Or it looks promising, then she does it again and all of that hard work wasted. Even worse I we had kids.

 

With that, I do NOT want to be like your friend or my BIL. Life is too short. Even if my wife turned out to be a "dream wife" like your friends and did all of the right things, the fact that she cheated will define her forever to me. Not fair to me, but really not fair to her if in the back of my mind I despise her for what she did and you spend the rest of your life regretting. Best for all to make a clean break an move forward in a positive way.

[BeholdtheMan]

She was shocked I came to this conclusion so quickly

LOL what was she expecting. By the way, does she know that you know about all the other affairs she hasn't confessed?

 

why should I alter my life to attempt to reconcile with a cheater

You shouldn't if you don't want to

 

In a way, I was done a huge favor.

That's exactly how I see it. Thank the Lord you found out about it and didn't have to continue living a lie

 

Today, about ten years later, he doesn't want to be a bad guy and divorce her - after all, she has been doing everything what so called "remorseful" cheating wife should be doing and she is genuinly sorry for what she has done - but he isn't sure how much longer he can last like that.... the pain is just so hard to endure.

This guy never truly got over the affair. He tried to sweep it under the rug...most likely because he was too weak to leave her.

 

He was too weak to say "Yeah she's remorseful, but her remorse is not enough. I have my own principles and my own ego. My trust has been violated and I won't invest it in a cheater."

 

Remember, remorse only makes reconciliation possible, it doesn't guarantee reconciliation will work.

 

I also cannot say my sister has been a dream wife since her affair ended. Only now does she realize she's treated my BIL disgracefully since discovery

Unfortunately your bro in law is partially to blame for this. He likely let her off too easy. She didn't have to work hard to regain his trust.

 

In his shoes, I would've walked away immediately. If she doesn't show remorse of her own volition, she obviously doesn't value our relationship as much as she should. I'm not going to waste time trying to make her feel remorse (something she should feel without prompting)

[troubadour]

I think you are right about my BIL. Once my sisters affair was discovered, she ended it and that was that to her. Nothing really was done except some adjustments in behavior and a change of scenery. They uprooted and moved to a new city away from any reminder. Class rug sweep. To top it off, they had their third child a year later with the idea it would bring them back together. All it really did was distract their attention. All that changed when my life imploded and both saw my reaction. It sickened my sister after she saw what cheating did to me. She finally got to see what kind of pain she inflicted on her husband. I know he regrets staying with her. I also cannot say my sister has been a dream wife since her affair ended. Only now does she realize she's treated my BIL disgracefully since discovery and appears she is finally trying to make amends after all these years. They've begun counciling.

 

In my friend's case the huge issue is that initially, after the affair was discovered and exposed, he managed to successfully convince himself that his wife was a victim who was manipulated and taken advantage by OM. A few year later, when the emotions significantly cooled down, he accidentally run into OM's wife and they talked about the affair again. He learned that it was his wife who wanted it and actually went after the OM. The OM's wife had forwarded him a pile of old emails and it was clear that his wife was the pursuer. The OM was a willing participant from the very beginning but he didn't initiate the affair. For him it was like a new D-day.

 

Of course, the main issue seems to be that she has never been able to fully comprehend the magnitude of the damage she has done. She says now it was the biggest mistake of her life and she will regret it until the day she dies but when it really mattered she was just selfish and entitled.

 

I like her as a person but sometimes I wonder.... what does she really think about my friend? Does she respect him as man? After all, this is a guy she cheated on for a year and despite all that he took her back. I can bet this is something what also lingers in your sister's mind from time to time. Does she look at your BIL as a romantic partner or just a provider and safety net?

 

You are right that your wife's chating will define her as a person but she won't suffer any long term consequences of her actions. If she is as attractive as you say there will be no shortage of men interested in her and they won't be interested why she is divorced. Actually, an attractive thirty-something woman with no children will be considered to be a great catch. I know it isn't fair but life isn't fair.

[BryanP37]

That might be true for another decade or so. But after that, then what? She'll be a lonely, miserable elderly woman.

 

-ol' 2long

 

I was thinking the same thing. She still is very attractive. But like you say, give it 10 years and we'll see if she's still a catch as far as looks go. She looks remarkably like her mom when she was her age. By mid 40s her mom had put on between 30-40 lbs. I can tell my wife has slowly put weight on since I kicked her out after almost a month of living with her parents. Add to that, she's giving up smoking. Most folks I know gain weight when they quit. My guess is I won't recognize her in 6 months.

 

Same happened to my sister post affair. She had a kid and never shed the weight she gained. Now in her mid 40s, while still an attractive woman, she's a shadow of who she was physically when she was having an affair.

 

As much as I want to hate her for what she's done, I really do want her to somehow find happiness. Strange that I could feel that way about her after what's gone down.

Edited May 10, 2013 by BryanP37

[ComingInHot]

Hey fellas!!!

I'm near/in/about that category so easy on the cougar bashing*

 

(Not defending a cheater) just saying that some of us ladies are aging like a fine wine, not cheeeeese.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey fellas!!!

I'm near/in/about that category so easy on the cougar bashing*

 

(Not defending a cheater) just saying that some of us ladies are aging like a fine wine, not cheeeeese.

 

And some of us age like cheese.....

 

because we've had too much cheese....

[BeholdtheMan]

he managed to successfully convince himself that his wife was a victim who was manipulated and taken advantage by OM

This is the worst lie a BS can perpetuate on himself

 

For him it was like a new D-day

Yeah...but your friend didn't leave his wife at that point did he? He still stayed

 

She says now it was the biggest mistake of her life and she will regret it until the day she dies but when it really mattered she was just selfish and entitled.

Yet she didn't have the courage to be honest, instead she blame-shifted

 

I like her as a person but sometimes I wonder.... Does she respect him as man?

Unlikely, since in her eyes, he's probably been emasculated

 

Does she look at your BIL as a romantic partner or just a provider and safety net?

Provider/safety net though she'll claim otherwise

[BryanP37]

I like my counciler. Third session today and I feel she has me pegged and knows how to she can help me. I had misgivings about having a woman counciler. Wondered if she would focus on something I did or didn't do to enable my wife to cheat on me. She's identified a few areas where I have vulnerability. The main one is I trusted her blindly up front and I failed to recognize her character flaws in the beginning. Looking back I missed some obvious red flags. I was young with raging hormones and my wife was gorgous. Counciler commended me on my coping ability, that I am far better off than average. The military background is an obvious asset when life falls into the toilet. Working on self esteem and beginning a new life phase.

 

Spending my last night in my house tonight. I'm turning it back over to my stbxw tomorrow and I will officially be roommates with my little sister. My stbxw will be in the house until it closes. Meanwhile, she has to figure out what to do with what's left. I want nothing from our marriage. None of the wedding presents, silver, china, etc. I want to eradicate all physical signs we were ever married. No pictures, possessions, nothing that came from our marriage will follow me into my new life. I hesitated trashing the wedding photos, but I will leave them for my wife to dispose as she sees fit. It was very tempting to burn them in my fire pit on my patio. I gave my sister roomate my wedding ring to melt down into something she wants. By Monday when I go back to work, no one will be able to tell I was ever married to her. No trace at my sisters, all electronic photos of her on my phone or my laptop. A clean sweep. My last move will be sending pictures of her on my desk at work through the paper shredder.

 

Some may think I'm off base doing that. I feel my marriage to her was a farce. Because of that, I feel all tangible traces of it must be destroyed. Life begins anew tomorrow with a new place to live and an entirely different lifestyle.

 

I've had to spend time with stbxw the past few days. She is major freaked out. She REALLY wants me to take a step back and give her a chance. I can't do that. I have no idea what remorse from her should look like. When you've checked out, to me there really is no turning back. What I see is she wants me to give her a chance to ease HER mind. I'm not seeing her feeling any of the pain she caused me. Everywhere I've read points to the cheater putting in the work to prove themselves worthy and making the effort to win the betrayed partner back. She's really done nothing but cry and feel sorry for herself. No attempt to help me deal with what she's done. So in my opinion, she is not and likely never will be remorseful, but I still would like to see some if she really loves me as much as she says she does. It won't bring us back together, but i still would like to see it. If I'm missing something here, someone please chime in.

Edited May 11, 2013 by BryanP37

[Furious]

Broken people are attracted to stable and trustworthy mates. The qualities you possesed are a stable foundation in which a broken person can see as a safe haven to reside in and at the same time venture out to grab the external validation they crave.

 

 

It was never about you but only about the stability you offered. These types of individuals who practice serial cheating are very insecure and yet are egotistical. Their focus is self endorsed and they truly don't understand true love and intimacy.

 

Your soon to be ex is sorry for herself and she cannot grasp te hurt she's caused you. She will blame shift the guilt onto you and make you out to be the one who is mean and heartless in her suffering.

 

Sadly, you were robbed of the years you gave her. I think that's the hardest part for you to deal with, the theft of your reality and the choices you were denied in your own life. Luckily, you are young and have many good years ahead of you. With time and giving yoursef the tools to move foward you will heal from this.

 

It's a cliche, but what doesn't destroy you, only makes you stronger.

[Darren Steez]

I like my counciler. Third session today and I feel she has me pegged and knows how to she can help me. I had misgivings about having a woman counciler. Wondered if she would focus on something I did or didn't do to enable my wife to cheat on me. She's identified a few areas where I have vulnerability. The main one is I trusted her blindly up front and I failed to recognize her character flaws in the beginning. Looking back I missed some obvious red flags. I was young with raging hormones and my wife was gorgous. Counciler commended me on my coping ability, that I am far better off than average. The military background is an obvious asset when life falls into the toilet. Working on self esteem and beginning a new life phase.

 

Spending my last night in my house tonight. I'm turning it back over to my stbxw tomorrow and I will officially be roommates with my little sister. My stbxw will be in the house until it closes. Meanwhile, she has to figure out what to do with what's left. I want nothing from our marriage. None of the wedding presents, silver, china, etc. I want to eradicate all physical signs we were ever married. No pictures, possessions, nothing that came from our marriage will follow me into my new life. I hesitated trashing the wedding photos, but I will leave them for my wife to dispose as she sees fit. It was very tempting to burn them in my fire pit on my patio. I gave my sister roomate my wedding ring to melt down into something she wants. By Monday when I go back to work, no one will be able to tell I was ever married to her. No trace at my sisters, all electronic photos of her on my phone or my laptop. A clean sweep. My last move will be sending pictures of her on my desk at work through the paper shredder.

 

Some may think I'm off base doing that. I feel my marriage to her was a farce. Because of that, I feel all tangible traces of it must be destroyed. Life begins anew tomorrow with a new place to live and an entirely different lifestyle.

 

I've had to spend time with stbxw the past few days. She is major freaked out. She REALLY wants me to take a step back and give her a chance. I can't do that. I have no idea what remorse from her should look like. When you've checked out, to me there really is no turning back. What I see is she wants me to give her a chance to ease HER mind. I'm not seeing her feeling any of the pain she caused me. Everywhere I've read points to the cheater putting in the work to prove themselves worthy and making the effort to win the betrayed partner back. She's really done nothing but cry and feel sorry for herself. No attempt to help me deal with what she's done. So in my opinion, she is not and likely never will be remorseful, but I still would like to see some if she really loves me as much as she says she does. It won't bring us back together, but i still would like to see it. If I'm missing something here, someone please chime in.

 

I think this is really important. Most would see the crying and take that as a sign of remorse itself, most likely the knight in shining armor complex would rush to try and comfort her but the two stand out phrases were feeling sorry for herself along with she's done nothing to help you deal with what she's done.

 

In some ways she maybe sorry for what she did, I certainly hope so. But the realization that the gamble she took because she thought she knew you so well (i.e she could cheat and in the worst case scenario even if she got caught the marriage or her life as she lived it could somehow still be saved), has blown up in her face. She never planned for this scenario, nor did she factor in that the man she was cheating on would have the courage of his conviction and end things.

[JenniferLeigh]

I've only read the first page of responses, including your original post. What struck me about the situation is that you put a post it note on her car. THAT is amazing to me. So many others (not neccasarily on here) would have busted through the door of the house ready to kick butt. Me included. How you had the will power to not doing something like that is beyond me.

 

As for her, not only did she betray you, but she betrayed her "best friend", her family, your family, and the families of her friend and the friends husband. Four entire families shattered, because they couldn't stay out of bed.

 

At least no kids are in the picture. You're still young, and there is a lot of living left for you to do. Hopefully you'll be able to trust again. Good luck to you.

[BryanP37]

I've only read the first page of responses, including your original post. What struck me about the situation is that you put a post it note on her car. THAT is amazing to me. So many others (not neccasarily on here) would have busted through the door of the house ready to kick butt. Me included. How you had the will power to not doing something like that is beyond me.

 

As for her, not only did she betray you, but she betrayed her "best friend", her family, your family, and the families of her friend and the friends husband. Four entire families shattered, because they couldn't stay out of bed.

 

At least no kids are in the picture. You're still young, and there is a lot of living left for you to do. Hopefully you'll be able to trust again. Good luck to you.

 

It was VERY difficult to not physically confront wife and AP at his house. I had the benefit of being with my dad when I was able to see from my iPhone that my wife was at her AP's house. My dad was able to calm me down and convince me to not do something stupid and end up in jail and then I would be the one that's wrong.

 

The post it note on the window was to shake her up, and that it did. Judging from what she was wearing, she was faking going to the gym. She didn't count on my dad feeling ill and us not playing golf. I likely broke up their hump session as she was obviously stressed when she answered the call I made when I got back to the house. I would have LOVED to see her reaction when she saw the note on her car. The drive home must have been torture wondering what would happen when she got there. She was a mess when she walked into the kitchen. Obvious she had been involved in heavy physical activity, but not at the gym. You also don't smell like wine coming from there either. Confronted her there with all of my evidence.

 

My dad was right, this was between her and I. If AP had been part of the confrontation, I would have made him into an example and weakened my case. Better to let him stew thinking Armageddon could happen at any time.

Edited May 11, 2013 by BryanP37

[Bryanp]

The more I read what you post the more impressed I am with the way you have handled this terrible situation. You have made all of us BryanP's proud.

[BryanP37]

Hey fellas!!!

I'm near/in/about that category so easy on the cougar bashing*

 

(Not defending a cheater) just saying that some of us ladies are aging like a fine wine, not cheeeeese.

 

So sorry! Did not intend to bash anyone except the cheaters that flaunt their sex appeal to springboard their affairs (yes, sister dear included). Pointing out that their window of opportunity is creeping shut or has closed completely. Take away my wife's looks, and you would find she is quite ordinary. My sister, the same.

 

If only I could meet a lady who ages like fine wine!

[ComingInHot]

I was Ninety Percent Kidding B!!

 

And When you are Ready, I KNOW the "GOOD" (single) ladies Will be flowing like fine wine!!

 

I think you've been incredibly strong and amazing in dealing w/all the crrrrap you've gone through.

 

Wondering if I could say one little thing?

 

Your sister. I realize she had an A. Nobody can know how her story will turn out. I hope though, that regardless of what her future holds, she's still holding you in it*

Remember, your sister isn't your Very stbxw. Try not to project tooooo much even though it's probably accurate to say your view of sister has changed. Love her

[summerdowling87]

Thanks! I believe I will stick around. I have a feeling the worst may be yet to come befor life gets better. I understand from my inlaws that my wife appears broken. At their house sobbing her head off. They do understand why.

 

Well she should've thought about that while she was betraying you and her friend.

[BryanP37]

 

Wondering if I could say one little thing?

 

Your sister. I realize she had an A. Nobody can know how her story will turn out. I hope though, that regardless of what her future holds, she's still holding you in it*

Remember, your sister isn't your Very stbxw. Try not to project tooooo much even though it's probably accurate to say your view of sister has changed. Love her

 

You are right. i thought about that after I took that jab at my sister. I felt bad about it. She is my flesh and blood and I love her dearly and unconditionally despite what she did to my BIL. I called her up for Mothers Day and let her know how much she means to me. I've rubbed her face in it a bit too hard with my Holier than Thou rant. She has been a big help to me along with my two other sisters. We need to take care of each other.

 

I'm happy to say she has thrown herself into mending the damage she caused years back. She always knew how horribly wrong she was, just never did anything to help my BIL. Was my BIL weak? I would say yes, but I wasn't in his shoes with 2 young daughters back then when the affair got exposed. What happened to me woke her up. A bit late, but proud she recognizes it's all on her to help her husband finally heal. A ways to go yet, but it looks like there will be a happy ending for her and BIL

Edited May 13, 2013 by BryanP37

[SmilesnFrowns]

Wow. To say that this was an eye-opener would be an understatement. Would like to thank you for sharing your experience.

 

Cheated on my first and only boyfriend at the age of twenty one. Broke up with both of them (OM and BF) before he found out, (he eventually did) but Ive never really stopped regretting it, although I do appreciate the lesson. Almost 5 years later, been completely man-free for two years after several mutual but haphazard attempts to reconcile with XBF (we both had issues). This is in no way comparable to your experience, but for me, the principle is the same.

 

Thank you for giving me much needed perspective. Truly do believe that you will have no problem finding true happiness after this drama fest!

[BryanP37]

New lifestyle of living with my little sister looks like is going to work out for now. I went back to work a week early. Downtown condo living may be the way for me to go once D is final and the dusts settles. Easy pleasures right outside the door. Was tired of being off. Time to get my head back in the game. Just in time to go on a trip Monday. I was going to bring my wife on this one. A trade show in San Francisco. I'm glad I didn't buy her a ticket when I first found about this one a couple of months back. D-Day was a couple of weeks later.

 

The close date on the house will be 5/23. STBX is getting the last of her house fix. She is completely flabbergasted I'm seeing this through. Even more so that I've discarded all of my possessions from our marriage. I took nothing with me that she had anything to do with buying for me. Goodwill got a lot of nice things when I officially left. When I say a new start, I mean from scratch. It was particularly satisfying putting her pics from my desk through the paper shredder when I got to work Monday. An extreme reaction, yes, but presses home the point that I will not reconsider R. She for some stupid reason feels she has a shot at winning me back.

 

I have been neutral towards her other than I refuse to have physical contact with her. Wondering if neutral to her means I'm warming up and will be ready to talk? I hope not. Just making nice to keep from causing a flap and making her want to contest the divorce. When final, I am done with her for life. A farce will be exorcised. Someone please tell me why she would want to keep the wedding pictures?

 

Thanks to all of you good people for your kind support and input. This is a journey that no one should ever have to make. It's good to know forums like this exist for us to vent, think out loud and get and get good feedback.

[CarrieT]

Someone please tell me why she would want to keep the wedding pictures?

Every person wants to keep memories of their life for various reasons. I got married when I was 20 and divorced when I was 25 when I found my husband cheating with another man.

 

Odd, now that it is 25 years later, I don't have a single picture of me from that era of my life and I sort of regret that... I don't even remember what a young 20-something Carrie looks like and I do have a few fond memories from my marriage, but nothing to document it.

 

A trade show in San Francisco.

Tell me what sort of things you like doing and I'm happy to make suggestions. I'm a food-and-wine writer and spend a lot of time seeking out cool entertainment. I will steer you away from the tourists traps and make some recommendations on memorable places you might enjoy!

[BeholdtheMan]

he is completely flabbergasted I'm seeing this through.

Believe me, she respects you more for drawing a line and taking a firm stance

 

She now knows that you're a man who takes decisive action when betrayed in such heinous fashion, you're not some weak-willed boy to be manipulated and toyed with

 

It was particularly satisfying putting her pics from my desk through the paper shredder when I got to work Monday. An extreme reaction, yes, but presses home the point that I will not reconsider R. She for some stupid reason feels she has a shot at winning me back.

Sometimes a symbolic act really grants a sense of closure

 

I have been neutral towards her other than I refuse to have physical contact with her. Wondering if neutral to her means I'm warming up and will be ready to talk? I hope not. Just making nice to keep from causing a flap and making her want to contest the divorce. When final, I am done with her for life. A farce will be exorcised. Someone please tell me why she would want to keep the wedding pictures?

You have a winning attitude my friend. You're not behaving in a spiteful vengeful manner (even though Lord knows you'd probably be justified). You're exercising great self-control, an ability separating the men from the boys.

 

Not only does behaving in a neutral, self-controlled manner preserve your dignity and self-respect, it also decreases the chances of her contesting a divorce as you've pointed out. You're going about this in an intelligent manner. Bravo

 

Thanks to all of you good people for your kind support and input. This is a journey that no one should ever have to make. It's good to know forums like this exist for us to vent, think out loud and get and get good feedback.

It's one thing to know what to do, and it's another thing to actually do it. I just hope that if I ever find myself in a situation as...shocking as yours, I'd be able to follow my own advice and your example.

[road]

She is completely flabbergasted I'm seeing this through. Even more so that I've discarded all of my possessions from our marriage. I took nothing with me that she had anything to do with buying for me. She for some stupid reason feels she has a shot at winning me back.

 

Someone please tell me why she would want to keep the wedding pictures?

 

 

Many WS's when they had an affair had no intention of divorcing their BS.

[BryanP37]

Many WS's when they had an affair had no intention of divorcing their BS.

 

Amazing that consequences are not thought through before a WS starts an affair. Especially when you cheat among your social circle.

 

She badly misread me then if that was her thought process. WS need to know their BS better then. Apparently my WS had vastly different idea in her head of who I am versus reality. If that's the case, I did her a big favor setting her straight.

 

She is trying to win me back. She's in IC as though that will make a difference. For that fact, I am too. Except my goal is to put this behind me and move forward and try to meet new women, not figure out how to accept what she did and remain married to her.

 

What is so hard for her to understand that it is one strike and your out? If I'm bluffing, it's an awful expensive one. Getting rid of our house, about 75% of my material possessions, and setting up house at my little sisters's a bluff?

 

Pretty elaborate bluff if you ask me if that's what she thinks.

[Coolit]

Your wife probably hoped not to get caught. And if she did that your love for her would be deep enough to get past it. It is for some. She lost the lottery.

 

Or, reality is crashing in around her. She loves you but was weak and stupid and now feels desperation to get you back. She wants to believe you'll eventually forgive her because the thought of her new life is more than she can handle.

 

So, have the satisfaction of knowing she is feeling pain and regret. And maybe you being strong will mean down the road she'll think twice before doing the same thing to another guy.