Author BryanP37 Posted August 23, 2013 Author Share Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) I've taken a step back these past 2 months and have worked heavily on myself with IC. While I take no responsibility for my ex wife's actions, I do share culpability with the state my marriage at the time of discovery. Funny, the only way I could see what was wrong with it was to kill it and do an autopsy afterward. Short explanation, we were a poor match. My reaction was based at first on a knee jerk of finding out she was cheating. My male ego was not going to permit me to remain married to someone who would screw around behind my back. My wife on the other hand, was very immature for her years. She didn't think the fallout would be as severe as it was. The old life had to be destroyed for both of our sakes. Anger and hate drove my decision early on. Two months out, I have a better idea of how I may have contributed to this happening. IC has done wonders for my self esteem. The infidelity diet took more weight than I had to lose off of me, but diet changes and lots of gym time has me back to early 20's form. I'm looking into buying a downtown loft in the vicinity of where I'm squatting with my little sister. My ex on the other hand, is busy doing a lot of work on herself. She's been at IC since before our divorce was final. She's given up smoking and is working to take off some of the weight she picked up early in that process. I just went out to dinner with her yesterday evening. Her appearance has changed. She dropped the flamboyant look she had prior to discovery. She is very attractive even without the makeup and flamboyant clothes. Finally she is realizing she doesn't need to do that. Things went well, and it was nice to spend the evening with her. She had reached out to me twice before since D was final, but I declined. It is obvious she is on the right track in trying to fix herself. She realizes now this had to happen. Our marriage had to implode for both of our sakes. I hope to do this again with her soon. Yes, she did betray me, but I turned it back on her tenfold dumping her. We're both human and we both made mistakes. Divorce was the right option for us. I am forgiving her for what she's done. I'm hopeful we can rebuild a cordial relationship and I hope she will forgive me for how viciously I turned against her. After all, this is who I once planned to spend the rest of my life with, and I still love her very much. It would be a shame for someone who's working hard to make themself a better person that you once were in love with to disappear from your life entirely. Time will tell, but I believe she's learned a hard lesson and she's growing up. Both of us are going to emerge from this awful experience better people. Edited August 23, 2013 by BryanP37 7 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Wow, best ending to a horrible situation I have read in a while. Very mature of you to have dinner with her. I do hope you may verbally express to her your forgiveness for her actions someday - for yourself and for her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 What an interesting turn of events!! My advise....slow down!!! You both still need a lot healing. Nevertheless, I'm still happy for you both. Keep us updated! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
klotzak Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) Mate, I've caught up with all the posts tonight and just wanted to say your level headedness and composure has been inspirational-exactly what you Academy would have nurtured. My friend I really do wish you the best of luck in your future, which began a while back. Dave Edited September 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
diy Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Did you just post this story to Reddit? Because if not, you have a copycat. Caught wife[33f] cheating with her best friend's husband [36m] : AskMen Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanP37 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 It's a copycat alright. And not a very good one. I'm on the road to recovery. Don't get why someone would want to rehash that. Bad enough living it for real. Looks like they got outed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 How things going Bryan? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanP37 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 Things are doing well considering. I still live with my sister but am looking for a new place and my ex is still living with her parents. My ex and I are slowly becoming more friendly. I have no intention of getting back together, but it is nice that we are able to put what's in the past behind us and be friendly towards each other. Tragic as this was, it pointed out what both of our character flaws are. Reconciling while married was not an option. Once the shock wore off I saw her for the flawed person she is and I have some serious anger issues I'm dealing with. I felt sorry for her once I saw how deeply she was flawed. She is owning what she did and is doing a tremendous amout of work on herself and it is showing. At the same time I'm still a work in progress and for the most part it's for the better. I've forgiven her for what she did. I had to for my own sake. Damage is done and it cannot be reversed. Best for us to start over from scratch. No real way to heal if you harbor animosity like that. I started feeling better immediately once I did. As for her, she felt it was the best gift she'd ever received. It will be a while before I get involved with someone again. Baggage like this needs to be fully checked before you bring a new person into your life. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts