Caught wife cheating with her best friend's husband

[2sunny]

I'm sorry for your pain... I remember it well even though 8 years has passed.

 

Her gigantic betrayal is, in my experience, un fixable... Given that she lied so well and so easily... All the while acting loving and kind to unsuspecting you AND her friend!

 

If she can pretend that well - how can you ever trust in the future? I couldn't! My M lasted 20 years - and ended with a brief phone call "don't bother coming home - I know about the gal".

 

You see, he acted normal - and we had a great life - except he always needed more, better - even at the cost of harming others.

 

And I didn't intend to spend the rest of my life "wondering" everyday!!! I wanted my peace of mind!

 

Move money to your name only! Close credit cards because she will spend. And file if you can so that money she may spend is only HER responsibility.

 

 

I don't blame you for feeling hurt and betrayed! I hope you honor yourself and know you deserve better than a cheater and a blatant liar!

 

I can't see one reason to talk to her - she will only lie MORE! What a waste of time and energy even listening to their garbage. I told my husband there wasn't one thing he could say that could change my mind - I was good to him and he disrespected and disregarded me - and I deserved better!

 

All these years later - he still says he's sorry. He's not sorry - he's just sorry he got caught!

 

Life is too damn short to waste time on wondering if the person you love is stabbing you in the back while smiling at your face!

 

I say good riddance!

 

 

Ps... YOU weren't the cause of HER bad behavior! She is the only one responsible for acting like she has no conscience - which maybe she doesn't have one! I don't think my exH has one! But he's a true narcissist. He only thinks of himself.

[Bryanp]

Your wife is a real piece of work. Your wife is only sorry that she got caught.

 

The fact that she would stab her best female friend in the back as well as you her husband says it all. She played you for a total fool. I would strongly suggest that you:

1. Get tested for STD's.

2. Immediately contact an excellent attorney just to understand your options.

 

The actions of your wife clearly shows she has no respect for you or your marriage and again really perceives you as a fool and someone who can be easily manipulated. If you do not respect yourself then who will? You deserve better.

[whichwayisup]

Since they are no kids involved, divorce her. Sorry that she did this to you and to her best friend. That's calculated, double betrayal and boy she really put on a good show, great actress. How the hell could she pull it off, having her best friend stay with you, yet she is having an A with her BF's husband. WTF. it's sick and wrong.. she has issues and is broken inside.

 

I say divorce because of such betrayal and all the lies. Some A are forgivable, some not. I usually don't tell people to D without trying and giving it their best, but in your situation, it's different since no kids are involved and also the double betrayal, how she could do this and pull it off..

 

Sorry you're hurting, though you're very strong. Do rely on your family and good friends to help and support you.

 

Don't have to D right away, but let her think you are. IF she does a 180, and you feel she is deserving of a chance, then see how it goes.. But no real decision has to be made now. Getting her out of the house is good, she needs to see how life is without you in it. Best for her to be on her own, somewhere and then wake up with the 2x4 of what she's done.

[troubadour]

^^^^^ Just like whichwayisup in the post above I usually don't tell people to get divorce but considering the magnitude of betrayal in your case it would be wise to just end the marriage.

 

Good luck, man.

Edited April 17, 2013 by troubadour

[geegirl]

Nothing justifies cheating and betraying a commitment. Please don't ever doubt yourself or lead your mind to believe that there could have been lacking on your part to cause her to cheat. If she was in any way feeling deprived or unsatisfied, she could have talked to you, worked it out together, seeked counselling, etc. There are ways to fix what either one of you felt needed fixing in the marriage. Cheating is never the answer nor is it ever caused because one is driven to it. Get those thoughts out of your head.

 

Cheating with a straight face. It's hard to fathom how such people are wired. Being able to put on a mask and play the loving wife and the supportive friend when all along, there's another mask, a non-existent conscience. It's another animal, this one.

 

If she can sit there and see her friend's pain and anguish without batting an eyelid, it's speaks of her level of empathy and remorsefulness. It's baffling.

 

Whether you take her back or not is your choice. Even with all the counselling and repair work that has to take place, once all that passes, will you be able to stop looking over your shoulder? I don't think it ever leaves you. Things won't look the same again.

[BryanP37]

Spent 5 hours with my wife's friend at Waffle House talking. Very informative and talking with her had a calming effect on me. She believes my wife is the second woman her husband was involved with. The one who first aroused her suspicions is apparently out of the picture. She is moving forward with the divorce process. While she bears malice to my wife, she asked me to refrain from kneejerk reactions and plunge right into dumping my wife. I agree. I still need time to process what happened. My wife still will not get out of this unscathed. Before I will even consider R, she MUST seek help and identify what character flaw caused her to pull this caper. She also MUST prove she is worthy of my trust. Only then would I consider any kind of MC for couples. Being a former military officer really helps keeping a clear head. Unfortunately for her, it gave me a very unforgiving nature. The odds are really against her. I will send her packing at the slightest waiver.

 

I've also spoke informally with an attorney this morning. Texas does not recognize legal seperation short of divorce. He advised me to work out financial arrangements with her. Fortunately, all of our accounts are joint accounts with me as primary. She would not be able to jerk me around easily. Since she never handled any of the financial aspects of our life, she has no clue as to how to access it. I clearly have an advantage. With that, I've invited her to lunch today so we can get started with financial arrangements of her living at her parents. Her parents are the only people talking to her now and even they are disgusted by her. The friendship circle evaporated and is beginning to rally around me.

 

Today looks to be a much better day!

[BryanP37]

You are right in that I have sent her packing already. To show some semblance I am willing to work with her, I will not divorce her until I see how she handles counciling and addressing what issues she has. I want to see her sweat and grovel. I'm hoping this is so damned hard that she says F**K IT! and gives up and lets go. I have no expectations she will actually be successful. She's going to regret this selfish and stupid act.

 

Sending her packing now means divorce. I am just going through the forms. The slightest hint of wavering trying to reprove herself to me will result in the highway for her. My guess she may go along with this a month tops. I will make that very clear when we meet today. The heat is on her now.

[stillafool]

She is moving forward with the divorce process. While she bears malice to my wife, she asked me to refrain from kneejerk reactions and plunge right into dumping my wife. I agree. I still need time to process what happened. !

 

I don't understand how the friend is ready to move forward with a divorce from her cheating husband but asks you to refrain from divorcing your cheating wife. Why? Your wife seems to be a worst person than he in this. Your wife betrayed you and her best friend. The other man was cheating to get some extra on the side. A woman like your wife cannot ever be trusted by men or women. You yourself said you had a satisfying sex life and you thought you two were soulmates. So what would make her have an affair on you and with her best friends husband? Because she is needy, selfish and wants to be desired by other men no matter who it is. Brace yourself, I wouldn't be surprised at all to hear that this man was not the first one she has f--ked behind your back. I'd almost guarantee it.

[geegirl]

You are right in that I have sent her packing already. To show some semblance I am willing to work with her, I will not divorce her until I see how she handles counciling and addressing what issues she has. I want to see her sweat and grovel. I'm hoping this is so damned hard that she says F**K IT! and gives up and lets go. I have no expectations she will actually be successful. She's going to regret this selfish and stupid act.

 

Sending her packing now means divorce. I am just going through the forms. The slightest hint of wavering trying to reprove herself to me will result in the highway for her. My guess she may go along with this a month tops. I will make that very clear when we meet today. The heat is on her now.

 

Seeing how manipulative she can be, in that she can put on a different face when needed and play her roles so well, I wonder if you would be able to tell if her efforts to change are genuine (if she goes through the process without a glitch), or just to benefit her need to get back what she belives she could potentially lose -- security of having a warm body at home, money, cars, family, nice house, vacations, etc.

[stillafool]

Since she never handled any of the financial aspects of our life, she has no clue as to how to access it. I clearly have an advantage. With that, I've invited her to lunch today so we can get started with financial arrangements of her living at her parents.

[\QUOTE]

 

What? Doesn't your wife have a job?

[drifter777]

Since you don't have kids divorce is by far the best option to you and it seems as though you understand that. Be strong and keep moving forward with determination. Refuse to allow her to use sex to manipulate you - you will find lots of women to play with after the divorce. See a counselor and focus on your own personal recovery. As a betrayed husband myself, I have tremendous empathy for you and wish you nothing but the best.

[BryanP37]

Meeting her shortly. I have an agenda of what I expect from her. We may come away from this headed to divorce. She will make no demands. I want her to write everything down she did. Leave nothing out. I will confront the possibility there may be more as I do travel about 5 day a month so the opportunity was there. If she refuses, or I sense BS, divorce it is.

 

From this point on, I look at everything she tells me as BS. She has to prove it. I'm on to her. I hate to be an ass, but I will take pleasure in stringing her along then opening the trap door under her feet. Like I say, I'm going through the forms with the goal of breaking her. Reconciliation unlikely, but forgiveness to allow me to move on, maybe. She is bound to realize she doesn't stand a chance.

[TobyBoy]

There's definitely more to the story than what your wifes friend said! If I had to guess.......your WW was involved in some kind of *threesome* with her friend and husband!!!! It would explain why the friend did not confront your wife first!!!! Think about it. Best friends. Shared secrets. Shared men. Yeah....there's more.....prepare yourself!!!

[BryanP37]

Since she never handled any of the financial aspects of our life, she has no clue as to how to access it. I clearly have an advantage. With that, I've invited her to lunch today so we can get started with financial arrangements of her living at her parents.

[\QUOTE]

 

What? Doesn't your wife have a job?

 

She does, but it brings in nothing compared to what I do. She's never wanted to be bothered with worrying about money and paying bills.

[SarcasticAbby]

Although I don't understand the feeling of bring cheated on I can imagine the pain. What I have lived but don't get is how a female can do that to her best friend or any other female and live with herself. I don't mean to devalue your pain because you moving on is what's important right now. She's definitely selfish and one day she will realize what she has lost.

[stillafool]

 

She does, but it brings in nothing compared to what I do. She's never wanted to be bothered with worrying about money and paying bills.

 

 

Well since she's living with her parents how much money does she need? I wouldn't give her anything extra so she knows that she is not just losing you but the lifestyle that came along with her marriage. Let her get an extra job or a better job. Why should you give her extra money to spend on new clothes to f.uck her best friends husband?

[Darren Steez]

It's amazing how remorseful someone is when they are caught red handed. She wants to at least sit down with me and try to talk this out and is pleading for me to hear her out. BS! Not now, not in the near future. Right now I couldn't care less what her story is. A good friend of mine turned me on to a Family Law specialist who is his brother in law. My friend is the only person outside of this fiasco that knows what happened. I will see the attorney tomorrow morning. I have not told my wife's friend. I will leave that to her husband or my wife to do that dirty work.

 

I am leaning heavily towards kicking her ass to the curb. Sticking a dagger through me and her friend in the same motion is just too much to overcome. Piss on her. I'm probably wrong doing this, but she's the one kicked out. I'm staying in my house. I didn't cheat. I worked my ass off to get us where we are and this is my reward? The alarm code is changed and I've swapped out the dead bolt locks on the doors. If she forgot anything, she can come over and pick it up when I'm here and I suggested one of her parents come with her. Otherwise, she is dead in my eyes.

 

My heartfelt thanks to all of you who've replied so quickly after my posting. You've all confirmed to me the feelings going through me right now are normal. In my humble opinion, the only resolution I see right now is shedding myself of this deceitful booty call whore.

Emotion is a very powerful thing. She wants to talk to you because right now she's helpless, she has no control. All the control she had, with you, her friend and the husband is gone. She wants a face to face so she can turn on the water works and all her womanly charm..I don't mean jumping you but seducing you through the power of pity, through the tenet that she is now all yours and is willing to do anything..an invitation for a man to reclaim his kingdom so to speak. Suddenly you're the most important thing in her life because you cut her adrift very swiftly.

 

I suggest you take your time and keep as much space for as long as YOU want. Let everything calm down and settle. Then you can get her "story"..because if it's anything other than "I totally effed up and it's all my fault" then you know she's all about that BS.

[Artie Lang]

 

I'm hoping this is so damned hard that she says F**K IT! and gives up and

lets go. I have no expectations she will actually be successful.

 

if this is the way you feel, why even try?

[BryanP37]

if this is the way you feel, why even try?

 

My intentions were to run her stupidity in her face.

 

After meeting her for lunch today I've come to the conclusion this house of cards has collapsed. While she wants to work to fix this, I can see this cannot be fixed.

 

When I met her, it was obvious she had been at it all morning to look her best. I have to admit, she looked VERY good. I did not embrace or touch her in any way. We got down to business. She gave me a timeline on how long this went on and it correlates with the phone bills and email traffic. She sat up the email account about the time this began. She steadfastly denies any other affairs. Looking back as far as phone records go, nothing stands out.

 

I grilled her very thoroughly. She told me things needed to know but really didn't want to hear. Shook me up quite a bit. A very bitter pill that made me go to the restroom and vomit. I know enough now for me to make a decision on where this goes. She will be history.

 

This was getting to her as well. She started shaking while she answered my questions. I'm not buying that she's sorry any more than for being found out.She swears nothing happened in our house. Doesn't really matter now. When she was done, her mascara was all over her face. I thanked her for behing frank as she could. Told her I'm sorry, we're done. You can get the rest of your clothes and anything you feel is yours. She'll be doing that with her parents this evening. One of the things besides her story that made my mind up was seeing her all decked out to kill. A month ago I found that sexy. Today I saw an over made up whore. I deserve better. I've made the call, no need to fix anyhing. When I'm ready, I'll see what's out there that may want someone like me.

 

As tough talking as I can be, this by far was the most difficult 2 hours of my life. I couldn't bear the thought of going through the details over and over and finding out something else that sets us back to square one. I'm done. She was a sobbing mess when we finished. Time to end this as painlessly as possible. I am thankful for this outlet to vent.

 

So divorce it is. Taking the easy way out. Maybe I will choose better next time. Thank you for listening.

Edited April 17, 2013 by BryanP37

[stillafool]

When I'm ready, I'll see what's out there that may want someone like me.

 

Oh trust me, you won't have any problems getting another woman when you're ready.

 

Did she say why she had the affair with this particular guy knowing it was her best friends husband?

[whichwayisup]

Her loss, not yours..Though it still really hurts and it sucks she turned your life and marriage upside down and shat all over it.

 

Please do seek counseling for yourself, to help you cope with the loss and emotions that go with this. Maybe if need be, go on anti depressants, this way you won't lose a ton of weight and have many sleepness nights.

 

Take care and please keep posting, many on here can help you through this.. Venting helps the soul too!

[BryanP37]

Oh trust me, you won't have any problems getting another woman when you're ready.

 

Did she say why she had the affair with this particular guy knowing it was her best friends husband?

 

As a matter of fact she did. My first question. He charmed his way right into her panties. She stopped by to see if her friend was there. He invited her in and they had a drink and started talking. Pretty soon they were texting. She started stopping by on a regular basis on her way home under the guise as she was the messenger between him and his wife. I knew she was stopping by but thought nothing of it. Meanwhile they got chummy. Around the 4th time things started getting physical. Was happening when I was in town as well. Became a challenge until she got careless. He should have cleaned up after the last orgy or it would still be going on.

 

Relieved now that I know what to do.

[Artie Lang]

So divorce it is. Taking the easy way out. Maybe I will choose better next time. Thank you for listening.

 

nothing can be more further from the truth- IT'S NOT EASY! how can it be easy to let go of someone you cared so deeply for. the thing is, infidelity is just a dealbreaker sometimes..... simple as that.

[Bryanp]

You are lucky that you got a lot of the truth. She just thought it was a challenge? What an idiot. If you were out of town and have no children I would imagine they probably did it in the house no matter what she said. Why wouldn't she? Your future will be much better.

1. Get tested for STD's.

2. Spend the money and get a top notch lawyer.

 

She will continue to try to manipulate you so be very weary. I doubt that she will go down without a fight. Good luck.

[drifter777]

As a matter of fact she did. My first question. He charmed his way right into her panties.

 

I heard the same thing. How can these women possibly think this is any kind of mitigation? All it told me was that my wife was a stupid, uncaring, naïve slut.

 

Referring to divorce as the "easy way out" is really selling yourself short in this situation. Reconciliation is the hardest, most painful process you would ever have gone through. It takes years and you might end up divorcing anyway. In a childless marriage there is no reason to put yourself through such agony. You are doing the right thing for yourself and, ultimately, your cheating wife.