Can't sleep tonight...

[OpenBook]

It felt like some of the comments were getting on the edge of insults so I was trying to do my part to rein it back in.

 

And BLESS YOU for spelling & using that word correctly in its context. Such a relief to read! You are my new Favorite Literary Person. I am not kidding about this.

 

I'm wondering how many of you others journal - and if you do, when you read them back - what is that you see in those entries?

 

I used to journal A LOT. Kept them all, read back over them many times. Recently my DD made me throw them all out. Said it kept me stuck in the past. She was right. I started feeling lighter, more buoyant. It's like the overused term "baggage" - you get so tired of hauling it all around. I see the value of journaling at the time you write the entries - it helps you think through things. But keeping them around for revisiting like I did, for years, doesn't do you any good, IMO. "Been there, done that - move along" was the message I took away from that exercise of throwing them out.

[Got it]

And BLESS YOU for spelling & using that word correctly in its context. Such a relief to read! You are my new Favorite Literary Person. I am not kidding about this.

 

 

 

I used to journal A LOT. Kept them all, read back over them many times. Recently my DD made me throw them all out. Said it kept me stuck in the past. She was right. I started feeling lighter, more buoyant. It's like the overused term "baggage" - you get so tired of hauling it all around. I see the value of journaling at the time you write the entries - it helps you think through things. But keeping them around for revisiting like I did, for years, doesn't do you any good, IMO. "Been there, done that - move along" was the message I took away from that exercise of throwing them out.

 

Well I am into horses so understand the literal meaning of the word and why it is used. One is literally "reining" something in just like you would use one of the reins and rein the horse to one side (left rein, right rein, direct or indirect rein) or to stop and go backwards. Also known as a rein back. Not a reign which is what the monarchy does.

 

But I totally get it, I was an English major and the wrong usage of words is like nails on a chalkboard. What gets me is the use of "fishing" and "phishing". It is supposed to be phishing as the term was started with telemarketers and internet scamming and had the "ph". Fishing is what you do with a rod and a line and some bait.

[Owl]

Because their way of describing their reality disqualifies my reality by generalizing that the affair fog is true for all affairs. Thus as a fact I know it is an incorrect description. That's why I recommend using terms such as are used for defense mechanisms (denial, justification, etc.) as we all know that these may be applied as a case by case scenario, not as something being true for all affairs. By using proper terminology nobody's emotions need to be disqualified.

 

I don't get this.

 

When I use the term "fog"...it doesn't discount anyone's emotions or feelings.

 

It DOES discount their ability to view/think rationally about their situation/their affair...but it in no way actually invalidates their emotions or feelings on the subject.

 

It invalidates their ability to think logically...which (in my mind) has nothing to do with the validity or lack of validity of their emotions.

 

I don't discount what you feel for your MM. I don't even discount what he feels for you.

 

I believe my wife felt that she was indeed "in love" with her OM...although in her case I can discount the validity of that feeling to a degree BECAUSE THEY HAD NEVER MET IN PERSON...not because of the "fog" that clouded her judgement about the likely outcomes of the situation.

 

Does that make things any clearer?

 

"Fog" clouds your mind...not your heart. It outlines the foolishness of thinking entirely with your heart and completely and totally disconnecting your mind from the process.

 

And I wanted to add...I don't view "fog" as limited to affairs. It happens in MANY relationships at the beginning...I think its more common in affairs because of the nature of the relationship. But it's not limited to affairs, nor is it only descriptive of them. Nor is it descriptive of ALL of them.

[Owl]

Fair enough...I think we're back to agreeing to disagree...if we can agree on that.

 

I understand you don't like the term. Others do. Others (including myself) will likely continue to use the term whether or not you agree with or like it.

 

It's a world large enough for all of our views in it.

[Owl]

I've not only lived it, I'm seeing it play out in reality at the moment, proving my view correct.

 

Once again...we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

Your feel that your view is more correct and more valid. I feel that mine is more correct and more valid.

[anne1707]

I believe that i was in a fog. I lived it, so by what you are saying Flowers, am I correct as well? Since it was my reality? I do not believe that OW get to really say whether the fog is a real term, or experience. Since you have not really lived being a WS, what makes you qualified to say whether or not it is real? If another WS disagrees then so be it, that merits discussion because they too have experienced being a WS. however it was my reality and in my reality, during my affair, i was (in hindsight) very foggy.

 

Well this fWS agrees with you John. It is just not a popular viewpoint amongst some. But hey, we actually have experienced what it is like to be a WS so what do we know about how WS may think/feel.

[anne1707]

I've been the WS too.

 

I did use the word "may". I have never suggested the "fog" applies to everybody. It would be wrong and ignorant of me to do so.

 

Likewise for someone to say that posters like John and I are just making this stuff up to try and make life easier with our respective BSs is just plain ignorant and insulting.