When did you feel at your "lowest" during the A ?

[Lillyfree]

 

I can totally relate to your feelings. While the same didn't happen to me, I have been in other situations where I have allowed a man to treat me as an afterthought and allowed it and you feel WAAAAAAAY worse about what you accepted and allowed than what they did.

 

From what I see here though, you're doing lots better and can certainly look back on lessons learned.

 

thanks missbee

i am a lot better. life's still a mess, but i'm almost back to my old self.

while i wish i didn't have the 'pleasure' of going through this, it's been a great life lesson. opened my eyes to a lot of things.

[tryingto]

Wow! Reading this, it seems SO outrageous. But reflecting upon my recent relationship with MM, I suspect there were instances like this. I think he actually faked some pictures of a "guys weekend" when he was away with his wife. I wonder why they feel compelled to lie to that extent. How did you find out the truth?

 

I can only speak for my situation but I guess he lied because he realized he was losing me. He had made several promises to leave (future faking that I didn't ask for but began to expect after being told so many things) and never followed through. A couple of reasons were valid but then they just started feeling like excuses, some very lame ones at that! I was beginning to doubt everything, him, our relationship and what I truly meant to him.

 

I figured it out quite soon because prior to his supposed moving out, we would speak/text/interact throughout the day but last contact was by 6 or 7pm once he got home. We would talk online late at night because we both stayed up extremely late. Ultimately, I confronted him because our patterns of interaction didn't change. He was still "unavailable" in the evening, we would communicate throughout the day but after about 6pm, his phone was off and he was unavailable until he popped up on line! I asked him after 2 or 3 nights of this to call me instead of chatting online and shockingly he couldn't. When I confronted him... I got a BS story of how he was staying at their house because she had injured her foot... Again, for someone he said he thought was so intelligent, he clearly assumed I was as dumb as a box of rocks!

 

You are right Miss Bee! I am laughing now as I recount it... Healing/moving forward and realizing you are worth so much more is such a great thing!

[MissBee]

I can only speak for my situation but I guess he lied because he realized he was losing me. He had made several promises to leave (future faking that I didn't ask for but began to expect after being told so many things) and never followed through. A couple of reasons were valid but then they just started feeling like excuses, some very lame ones at that! I was beginning to doubt everything, him, our relationship and what I truly meant to him.

 

I figured it out quite soon because prior to his supposed moving out, we would speak/text/interact throughout the day but last contact was by 6 or 7pm once he got home. We would talk online late at night because we both stayed up extremely late. Ultimately, I confronted him because our patterns of interaction didn't change. He was still "unavailable" in the evening, we would communicate throughout the day but after about 6pm, his phone was off and he was unavailable until he popped up on line! I asked him after 2 or 3 nights of this to call me instead of chatting online and shockingly he couldn't. When I confronted him... I got a BS story of how he was staying at their house because she had injured her foot... Again, for someone he said he thought was so intelligent, he clearly assumed I was as dumb as a box of rocks!

You are right Miss Bee! I am laughing now as I recount it... Healing/moving forward and realizing you are worth so much more is such a great thing!

 

 

 

 

Indeed!

[stevie_23]

Lowest point for me was when he left me last December. I was a total wreck. Distressed beyond belief. I will never, EVER go back to that point again, thank GOD.

 

Even though the ups and downs during the A were hard, NOTHING compared to when he left.

[skylarblue]

There are plenty of low points to choose from,but the lowest would probably be:

 

The entire ordeal dealing with the 1st pregnancy. Thinking about xMM laying next to his W sound asleep while I lie awake devastated, worried, and crying every night. He's total insensitivity and detachment from the situation. Sitting in the doctor's office alone while he sat at home watching TV, waiting to pick his son up from school. Him getting upset with me because I took too long to reach the parking lot afterwards (he was nervous about being seen, meanwhile my delay was caused by me getting faint and vomiting in a cardboard box on my knees while waiting for the elevator). Not being able to talk to anyone including him about it (not that it wasn't allowed, he just seem so disinterested so...)

 

and

 

When the realization of how little I was settling for was undeniably overwhelming. I remember having a conversation with xMM that triggered it. As I was getting ready to meet him I was in tears the whole time. I had to pull and keep myself together during our time together. When we were intimate, I just felt so empty, so disconnected, so soul less, so...nothingness. I remember crying all night, and for a couple of weeks just losing myself in thought, sometimes for an hour or two at a time, just thinking about everything and everyone involved. Not really analyzing...just thinking. And lots and lots of crying. The beginning of the end.

[BrokenPrincess]

When I was sitting in a hotel room with him (both on work trips), and his W called for end of the work day check in. First time I ever heard heard her voice, and she became a real person. She was telling him about updates on the kids, a problem with the trash collection, and a large bug she'd found in the living room. He was a nice supportive husband in response. No tension or nagging, just a very pleasant conversation. I sat there feeling felt really really really terrible.

[ViresSanctity]

Laying in bed after sex with the OW, and hearing her drunk confession come straight out that she had sex with her MM a month ago.

[movingon45]

Lowest is when we enter the motel room because I'd feel cheap and dirty, and yet often I felt that ours was a win-win situation because we just both wanted the sex. No promises. No commitment. However, I ended it without d day because I felt that he lied to me. When I read the posts here, I found out that lying is part of the game. It's just the way it is. A's are never for the faint at heart and for those who fall in love. Never again!

[TheOW]

Yeah when you first enter the motel you do feel cheap and dirty (although I made him take me to the best hotels and ofcourse pay)

 

He never lied to me though and he didnt promise me anything infact we were very honest with each other, we knew we were not leaving our families but we also admitted how strongly we felt for each other, we used each other for sex but also formed a close friendship as lovers.

[movingon45]

The OW, I thought we were, too. What you described was exactly how our relationship was until I caught him liking some photos on Instagram when he said that his phone was thrown in the tub. I was waiting for his response to my response to his flirty invitation to meet out of the country, you see. He responded after 3 days saying that he just opened his phone. And then I realized that he was lying.