What does this all mean?

[Sad Gurl]

I do not understand my EX. We broke up about a month and a half ago after being together for 5 years and continued talking as friends. He cheated on me and said that he was sorry for everything he had done. About two weeks ago, he surprised me at work one Saturday and took me to the mall and out to eat when I got out. During dinner, he began telling me that he would love to see me as his future wife and that I was the type of girl that not to many guys came across. Than, later that week, I find out that he still communicates with the girl that he cheated on me with. I found out because we were at my house when the phone rang and she called. We began talking about it as soon as the phone stopped ringing and he basically told me that he had feelings for the both of us. But, he told me that he saw no future with her and that she wasn't anything compared to me. Well, the following week, we had another talk and I basically told him that it hurt to know that he still continued talking to that girl. He told me at that moment that he was going to stop talking to me and coming over until he knew what it was that we were going to do because he knew that he was hurting me more by sticking around. That was last week, and he hasn't came by or called me anymore. During this past week, I have been feeling horrible and sick. I have no idea what I am to do because I don't know whether to move on or wait on him. I know that he still has feelings for me, but why is he staying away? He used to go out with his buds all the time and get home really late every night, but ever since he stopped talking to me, he doesn't go out anymore. I know this because his mother told me and also because he lives down the street and I see his truck there all the time now. If it hurts him not to talk to me, than why is he torturing himself?

[netrie]

Everything is OK.

 

Just give him space. He already admitted to having "feelings" for the other woman too. If you are in this for the long haul, marriage, stay away from him and let him figure out what he wants.

 

Pick yourself up and get busy. Take care of your physical appearance, exercise, pamper yourself, get a makeover, talk to a therapist or group support.

 

Life is about decisions and let him figure out what he wants to do... If you push him to talk to you-- He may go the other way towards the other woman.

 

I bet he'll call you in the next couple of days.

[Sad Gurl]

Thanks for all your great advice. I guess I am a little more sad today than any other day because today would be our 5th year anniversary. We got together on September 17, 1999. We were supposed to go on a trip for the weekend and celebrate but I cancelled all the reservations yesterday.

[LoneStar49]

I feel sad for you, too, Sad Gurl. But you know, netrie's advice is exactly right. Give him space. He deserves some credit for telling you that he is going to go away and leave you alone until he decides what he is going to do. That's much more than some of these men do to or for us. I'm going through something similar now, and although I feel like I'm dying on the inside, I'd rather know the truth than spend another month, year or years being bounced back and forth.

 

I wish I had a magic pill for all of us -- and if I only had one magic pill, I'd take it myself. A pill that would make us able to endure all of this stuff without feeling like our hearts were going to break right in half. But hang in there. Give him the space he needs. And do whatever you need to do for yourself. One hard lesson I've learned throughout my ordeal and something that I'll never repeat as long as I live...DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Yes, it is tempting, but when that temptation strikes, make a conscious effort to do just the opposite. Had I done that almost 4 years ago, I would not be here today. The only difference in where I am now and where I was then? I was happy then. Now I'm miserable. Not a good trade-off.