sweet_pea Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I hope your husband is suffering too. Or did he just run back to you and leave the OW on her butt to deal with the fallout on her own? If he did he is a coward. He pulled her into this, he should be the one that is responsible. I'm sorry but comments like this bother me. He didn't "pull" her into anything she didnt want to do. She went into the relationship freely, and while I do believe the WS should shoulder most of the fall out, she ain't innocent in the sitch. and should face her responsibilities/fallout as well. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I'm sorry but comments like this bother me. He didn't "pull" her into anything she didnt want to do. She went into the relationship freely, and while I do believe the WS should shoulder most of the fall out, she ain't innocent in the sitch. and should face her responsibilities/fallout as well. That may be, but HE is the married one, and to simply act like she is a fool for now being upset that he's dumped her is ridiculous. Why wouldn't she be upset? While I think that, as the relationship is over, OW should move on, I don't think it's okay to act as if she shouldn't be upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 What do you feel is his responsibility to her? His responsibility is to not act like she is the entire problem. Like the MM is fine now, and ha, ha, what a fool the OW is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 That may be, but HE is the married one, and to simply act like she is a fool for now being upset that he's dumped her is ridiculous. Why wouldn't she be upset? While I think that, as the relationship is over, OW should move on, I don't think it's okay to act as if she shouldn't be upset. I don't think anyone is saying that she can't be upset or has no right to be, but she should assume responsibility for her actions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I'm sorry but comments like this bother me. He didn't "pull" her into anything she didnt want to do. She went into the relationship freely, and while I do believe the WS should shoulder most of the fall out, she ain't innocent in the sitch. and should face her responsibilities/fallout as well. And comments like this bother me ! Im sorry but im sick of hearing BS (some not all) rabbiting on about how "perfect" their M is now bla bla how sorry and remorseful their H was ... utter bull**** ! They are sorry they got caught 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) And comments like this bother me ! Im sorry but im sick of hearing BS (some not all) rabbiting on about how "perfect" their M is now bla bla how sorry and remorseful their H was ... utter bull**** ! They are sorry they got caught Excuse me, TOW (and LFH since she liked the comment), but my comment has nothing to do with what you said. I'm not talking about anyone's marriage, nor am I talking about how happy anyone's marriage is. If you'd actually care to read my comment, you'd see that I'm not disputing nor arguing for/against your point. But, since you brought it up. I haven't read any BS say that they marriage is "perfect." Improved, recovering, getting better, maybe, but not perfect. As for the remorseful comment: You only know of your own self. You don't know whether or not any other BS' husband is truly remorseful or not, whether they are only sorry they got caught or not, etc. So, if you're going to respond to my comment: Why do comments like mine bother you? Because they are true? What you spoke about has nothing to do with what I said, so... Edited April 18, 2013 by sweet_pea 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Excuse me, TOW (and LFH since she liked the comment), but my comment has nothing to do with what you said. I'm not talking about anyone's marriage, nor am I talking about how happy anyone's marriage is. If you'd actually care to read my comment, you'd see that I'm not disputing nor arguing for/against your point. But, since you brought it up. I haven't read any BS say that they marriage is "perfect." Improved, recovering, getting better, maybe, but not perfect. As for the remorseful comment: You only know of your own self. You don't know whether or not any other BS' husband is truly remorseful or not, whether they are only sorry they got caught or not, etc. So, if you're going to respond to my comment: Why do comments like mine bother you? Because they are true? What you spoke about has nothing to do with what I said, so... Quite simply it hit a nerve. Every time I come on here and its full of BS bashing the OW telling them this and that and "us" the woman/men who are in the situation basically get spoken down to. They get ridiculed and called selfish time and time again. Again I know not all BS are like this but its becoming the "OW/OM advice by BS board" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 You don't have to defend anything. What you think, say and feel is your business. How other people choose to interpret that, is up to them. We cannot forever be thinking things like "If I say/do this or that, so-and-so may be offended." Do it. God knows I have put several people's noses out of joint, here, elsewhere and in the past. I can't lose time and space pussy-footing around, wondering what the after-effect will be. 'Publish and be damned'. It's different if the intention is wilfully and deliberately provocative or hurtful. But if you speak your truth, and tell it like it is, there is no reason to do otherwise. YOU know what you meant. If your conscience is clear, that is sufficient. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I liked her comment because we are allowed to be bothered by things that are said too... irrelevant to what she was being bothered by. It didn't matter that she is bothered by what you said... but that she is allowed to be bothered by comments that are upsetting to her. There seems to be this overwhelming thought process that because we are "wrongdoers and evildoers" that we should tolerate anything that is said without it being a thorn in the side or without it being upsetting to us and that's not the case. And if you've read any of my posts you know darn well I think that the OW/OM/AP whatever you want to call them shares the responsibility for the situation, so i agree with your statement. She's still within her rights to be bothered by the fact that you htink it's necessary to say that someone's opinion bothers you. It gets all circular, but I was supportiing her right to feel the way she does. I'm actually rather bothered that apparently I have to defend why I like someone's post. For one thing, I agree that she (or anyone), is well within their right to feel a certain way about something. In fact, in an earlier comment, I agreed/said that no one is disputing that a OW should not have the right to feel a certain way. I agree, anyone has that right. Duh. I'm just confused as to why she highlighted MY comment when it was irrelevant to her post. What I said, in response to someone else's comment, had nothing to do with what she said. That's all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 And no doubt ive been reported to the moderaters like most of us OW do on a regular basis because the clique doesnt like what we say. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 And no doubt ive been reported to the moderaters like most of us OW do on a regular basis because the clique doesnt like what we say. As have plenty of BS. I don't know why certain posters believe that they are the only ones to get reported to the mods. You aren't. I have been reported, as well. So, I guess the clique doesn't like what "we" say, either? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 As have plenty of BS. I don't know why certain posters believe that they are the only ones to get reported to the mods. You aren't. I have been reported, as well. So, I guess the clique doesn't like what "we" say, either? Ive never reported anyone to the mods ever, not even when I was being compared to a paedo and murderer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Ive never reported anyone to the mods ever, not even when I was being compared to a paedo and murderer. Neither have I. I'm just saying, you (general you-- as in the OW/M) aren't the only ones to be reported to the mods. Anyway, I'm going to bow out of this thread before I step on any more toes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Yeah, it's pretty tough to keep the martyrdom act going if you don't feel like you're being persecuted. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I'm happy too. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I just read these threads and wonder why, when it is a support forum for OM/OW, BS's think it is acceptable to come here and be unkind and judgemental. BS's can deny all they want, but it is what happens. I'm here to find kindred spirits who understand my situation, not have the morality police tell me I should 'get out of the relationship' or 'find a single guy'. So that's the last I'll say on that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 LFH yours is more of a regular relationship though, isn't it? I mean, there is no lying and deceiving. By that logic I would be in an affair too since my fiancee is still technically married, thanks to the great wisdom of the state where she filed her divorce. And, I am pretty happy with the "affair", LOL! But we live like a married couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I just read these threads and wonder why, when it is a support forum for OM/OW, BS's think it is acceptable to come here and be unkind and judgemental. BS's can deny all they want, but it is what happens. I'm here to find kindred spirits who understand my situation, not have the morality police tell me I should 'get out of the relationship' or 'find a single guy'. So that's the last I'll say on that. Don't take it too personally. It's just an internet forum. You'll get a variety of opinions, some are useful, some are not, some are downright offensive, or totally irrelevant. Ultimately you're your own judge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mycatsnuggles Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 Wow, the topic surely flipped around a lot. Since I started I get to comment. 1. I was called a whore and harlot on this post and that was allowed yet my response about the posts were not. hmm. 2. TOW, I to wonder if there is a BS fog, to believe that all cheaters regret their affairs is naive. this was the point of my post. I do not regret being with my OM. It was wonderful. We shared many things including love and friendship. It has only been a few weeks but I have not had this horrible regret kick in and honestly I never had overwhelming guilt during my affair. I had tinges every now and then, more so towards his wife. I suppose that makes me an awful person, perhaps a sociopath in the BS book as this is how affairs partners are often "diagnosed" by BS. I call bs on it. 3. This is the ow/om board if you don't want to hear that someone can be happy in an affair and not regret it don't read. If you do read it don't be offended by some honesty. I put up with alot of name calling and raging. I realize your hurt and it may feel good to verbally abuse OW but it doesn't make it right. 4. I miss him. he brought a lot into my life. (ps I censored myself) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 LOL, it's all good. I was infractioned twice. One for my post on me being mean as me being happy. It wasn't related to the topic. Interesting, as you all have gone off topic, yet your posts remain and you may not have had any infraction for it. Favoritism? Or a certain mod is on the OWs or men's side? Meh. I deserved the first one...second one didn't contain any insult or hurtful comment. Had a poinnt to happiness. So...it's all good. We all probably got an infraction yesterday Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 The "harlot" guy was banned. Didn't see the "whore" post. I was infracted this morning, but it was on a sex thread and not an OW thread. That probably says something, but I'm not sure what. I can probably safely exclude the possibility that I'm a victim of anything but my own bad judgment, though. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 (LFH , What's "DIT" 'whole knight in shining armour thing? Dying to know!) I would merely point out that where there are OW/OM and WH and WW's there are invariably going to be a whole bunch of BS all baying for blood, to one degree or another. It's natural. They exist, they're hurt, they're angry and they are cheated. The reasons, justifications and underlying issues are legion. It doesn't alter the fact that you can't have one set of people and not the other. Sad to say, wherever OW/OMs are "crowing" about how wonderful everything is in their world, an equal amount of BS are feeling the complete opposite effect. I'm not having a go at anyone here. Just stating facts, people. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 The "harlot" guy was banned. Didn't see the "whore" post. I was infracted this morning, but it was on a sex thread and not an OW thread. That probably says something, but I'm not sure what. I can probably safely exclude the possibility that I'm a victim of anything but my own bad judgment, though. Oh man..... Trust you. A sex thread. Wish I'd seen that......! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I got infracted for my interactions with you as well. Yeah. We all got out of hand. As we all passionately believe in our own moral and fight for it...a matter of passion. Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 The "harlot" guy was banned. Didn't see the "whore" post. I was infracted this morning, but it was on a sex thread and not an OW thread. That probably says something, but I'm not sure what. I can probably safely exclude the possibility that I'm a victim of anything but my own bad judgment, though. Infracted on a sex thread LOL sorry that made me giggle .. now Im wondering what you said, I mean its a sex thread yeah ? Anything goes Link to post Share on other sites
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