Feeling so low

[Rubix123]

The past few years being at college has been the best few years of my life and its the happiest I've been in education I've achieved so much, but in my 2nd year I started struggling getting out of bed in the morning, worrying all week til the next college day came around an I don't know cause I loved college, the first year was great..college was just so great nothing I can slander about it the people are lovely too. although all my friends in the first year are no longer my friends or people I associate with, I'm in my 4th year and final year, my class are a lot different and alot more mature I love how professional our class has made out to be. But anyway point of this story is that my boyfriend goes to uni 5 days a week and now I'm in my final year even though i absolutely love college I feel really depressed, things keep going wrong for me, I've worked my butt off only to lose everything. I no longer have any friends and I'm ever there, I just can't the strength to get out my bed in the morning I can't stand feeling like this anymore I keep taking time off and I'm falling behind I'm one of the best students in my class, I am not big headed but many of my tutors and other people have sai so, and I just feel like all the pressure over the past 4 years has gotton way too much and I just can't hold out anymore. I feel so down like there's no point to life anymore really sometimes just drifting in and out the days, also I have episodes of where I just get so mad at myself I feel like I need to bang my head against something or hurt myself and this sounds crazy I know I love my boyfriend and family and want to get better for them I just remember the days where I'd escape and spend all my time in college now I hardly see the place it really depresses me that ill be leaving this year in summer ill never see that place again. The place where all my dreams came true, I never did well in high school I don't know how I'm going to cope with when I need to find work I feel ill worrying each day about when ill be social interacting next at college etc i dunno why I have a good friend at college but I've lost a dozen or more friends and I just feel like maybe 2/3 years ago I was living a lie nothing was for real even though it seemed it now I feel really depressed and down all the time and stressed I hardly ever to out. I dunno what to do my family help me a lot. So does my boyfriend, he's the reaon I still get up when ido, by he goes out to work every single day and I feel really guilty for not going out working etc but I feel un mentally stable and ill when I need to I DONT WANT TO GO ON MEDICATION WHAT SO EVER. There's many reasons for this and nothin will change my mind, I've seen people close to me turn into aggressive animals on certain meds like this hating people they are close to and fighting and hurting others I don't want to be like that.

Edited April 18, 2013 by Rubix123

[roaminghart11]

Even if you do not go on medication, you should still talk to a professional about dealing with your depression. It can be overcome, it sounds like your boyfriend is great! Talking with a therapist could get you on your way to feeling better. Wish you the best.

[soccerrprp]

Get professional help, please. This WILL spiral downward if you do not get help. You may not WANT to take medication, but it should be an option if therapy alone does not help you. You're contemplating suicide! Taking medication off the table is not wise.

 

Listen, if you don't get help you risk losing your boyfriend and, more importantly, yourself!

 

At least get help. I'm thinking of you.......

[dougmccoy]

you'd have to accept the fact that you have see a professional to help with your depression. if you would not like to see a professional then it will be very difficult for you to heal. i can see that your boyfriend is a really good man but you also need good friends around you.