sadangel Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 My live in boyfriend was talking on a weekly basis to a so called best friend of his, ( a female). This person who he has had sex with on a few occasions in the past. I was extremely mad expecially because the first time we were going out he left me for his ex-girlfriend. So he knew that i allready had some trust issues with him, so now he was talking to some other chick he has slept with on a weekly basis (as far as he will admit). And he beleives i shouldnt be mad , but he never told me before he was talking to her at all untill i figured it out. Do you all beleive i am being silly in getting upset? Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 No....he is with you now and he shouldnt be talking to other girls that he has realtionships with. Whether he thinks so or not...they are his exes. I wouldnt put up with it. How much history do u have with him? I mean.....would it kill u to let him go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadangel Posted September 18, 2004 Author Share Posted September 18, 2004 I Really do love him very much, but no i dont think it would kill me to leave him. Expecially because i dont beleive i deserve to be treated like that. I have never been anything but honest to him. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 Then there's your answer. Leave him for a trial period.....but dont tell him that. If he wants to be with you he'll change. Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Try the NO CONTACT rule... see what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 He has a right to remain friends with his exes if he wants to. I'm engaged, and I'm still on speaking terms with my exes. I don't hang out with them, but they are friends to me now, and I'd be pissed of my BF told me I couldn't see them. He should be respectful of your feelings, and validate them. Like, "[color=blue]Hey SadAngel, I know you're uncomfortable with this, so how about you meeting (whatever her name is) so that you can see that nothing is up with us. Also, let me give you the tele number of where I'll be so that you can call and talk to me if you want to. I love you, I love only you, so let me prove that to you by being a nice guy about your insecurities[/color]." My fiance had several chick friends that he made during college. Most were just absolutely gorgeous, and I was horridly jealous. Especially because we were long distance. We had a long talk about what I was feeling, and he suggested that I go hang out with them so I would know that things were kosher. As it turned out, I didn't have time to drive to meet them, but it quelled my fears just that he was willing to let me meet them. Anyway, give him a chance. If he continues to invalidate your feelings (which he really should understand) or if he continues to get defensive, then I belive that's a sign of something worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadangel Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 YellowLioness, See the problem is that the first time he and i were going out wich was about 3 years ago he started talking to his ex-girlfriend and then he dumped me to start going back out with her, so thats why the fact that he started talking to another one of his exes bothers me so much. Expecially becuase he kept it a secret from me. He allredy new that becuase of what he did to me in the past that he was going to have to be alot more careful to keep my trust. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Expecially becuase he kept it a secret from me. He allredy new that becuase of what he did to me in the past that he was going to have to be alot more careful to keep my trust. Or to keep you in the dark about what he is really doing. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to trust him, and he's not helping the situation by becoming more secretive and defensive. From my experience, people don't get defensive unless they're doing something wrong. Considering his past history, I'm not sure why you're still with him, when you know he's probably sleeping with his ex behind your back. You know he's a bad guy. He has not proved himself other wise. All he's trying to do is keep you in the dark. Why not dump him first, and save yourself the pain of what you know is going to happen? A zebra doesn't change its stripes. Find a nice boy who will be kind to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadangel Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks YellowLioness, I know you are right. Its just so hard because i really do love him and i have never this way about anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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