Hey, guys! Want to see a REAL woman???

[xxoo]

I would argue that we all do have a subconscious (or conscious) "checklist."

 

Yes, I know we all have one before we fall in love.

 

But you can meet someone who checks off all the boxes, and still not fall in love.

 

Most often, when we fall in love, the person does not check off all the boxes. We just create a new idea of "perfection", inspired by the person we love. I thought I liked skinny, hairless boys, until I fell in love with a thick, hairy man. Now skinny, hairless guys won't do!

 

Unless and until I ever fall in love with one of them

[USMCHokie]

Yes, I know we all have one before we fall in love.

 

But you can meet someone who checks off all the boxes, and still not fall in love.

 

Most often, when we fall in love, the person does not check off all the boxes. We just create a new idea of "perfection", inspired by the person we love. I thought I liked skinny, hairless boys, until I fell in love with a thick, hairy man. Now skinny, hairless guys won't do!

 

Unless and until I ever fall in love with one of them

 

Would you ever try to encourage him to be thinner or less hairy...?

[xxoo]

Would you ever try to encourage him to be thinner or less hairy...?

 

No, you're not getting it. Now, thick and hairy is what turns me on. Because he (all of him, looks and personality) has inserted a shortcut into my brain for pleasure.

[USMCHokie]

No, you're not getting it. Now, thick and hairy is what turns me on. Because he (all of him, looks and personality) has inserted a shortcut into my brain for pleasure.

 

Hmmm, very interesting...so rather than just tolerate his thickness and hairiness, you now prefer someone who is thick and hairy? So if things didn't work out, you'd search out for thick and hairy? Or are those characteristics ok only because he has them...?

[xxoo]

Hmmm, very interesting...so rather than just tolerate his thickness and hairiness, you now prefer someone who is thick and hairy? So if things didn't work out, you'd search out for thick and hairy? Or are those characteristics ok only because he has them...?

 

It's been over 20 years. I'm not worried that things won't work out

 

But, yes, I do tend to be attracted to men who look like him. His look has become my "type".

 

I believe that's how most of us got a "type"--something that you associate with great sexual pleasure and love. And if you got that mostly from media images (moreso than with any real person), that would influence "type" and attraction.

[man_in_the_box]

You're joking right?

 

I bet there isn't a single woman reading this thread who doesn't understand the goal of it!

 

It is posted in the physical fitness, health and weight management section of LS. It has absolutely nothing to do with men!!!!! It's not about your opinions, or what you find attractive, or whether or not you are shallow or even what kind of body you think women should should have!

 

It is about women's mental and physical health. It's about women loving themselves as they are. It's about women being fit and healthy - making the most of what they've got and not beating themselves up for being physically imperfect.

 

Sorry to speak for you CarrieT but, seriously, are the men of LS really only able to relate to women from a completely egocentric viewpoint?

 

Calm down, I haven't mentioned any of the things you're putting in my mouth. I only asked whether any of those was the point of the thread. If it wasn't - then I think the OP is perfectly capable of explaining that him/herself.

 

I understand that some threads are created for sharing motivational stories to help others. If that's what people want to read then they should definitely read and post in these threads - I'd never bother clicking on them since it's of no interest of mine.

 

But looking at the thread title: "Hey, guys! Want to see a REAL woman???"

 

It's starting with drawing attention of male readers. Is it really that odd that I didn't regard this thread as a thread for improving self-validation or whatever jacket you want to put it in?

 

Here's the OP:

 

I love this woman - I really do...

 

She has a handful of mirror images the likes of which get put up on OLD or are used to attract guys. You know, face made-up and peacocking her stuff to look more attractive.

 

But she also shows that she is a normal, healthy, real woman - the kind that if many guys saw without the primping, wouldn't want.

 

Go figure. This is for you guys who want those women you see in magazines. They aren't real...

 

See the bolded part? If it really is what you say it is then I apologize for apparently going off-topic but from what I can gather from the thread title and OP it appears to be some sort of general statement about men not knowing what a "real woman" looks like.

 

I have no need to discuss what is attractive, to rate pictures of random women I don't know or discuss what women should look like.

 

I only wanted to respond to the statement explaining "what a real women looks like" and the assertion that men don't get that or whatever the deal was with the rest of the original post.

[Imported]

Yes, I know we all have one before we fall in love.

 

But you can meet someone who checks off all the boxes, and still not fall in love.

 

Most often, when we fall in love, the person does not check off all the boxes. We just create a new idea of "perfection", inspired by the person we love. I thought I liked skinny, hairless boys, until I fell in love with a thick, hairy man. Now skinny, hairless guys won't do!

 

Unless and until I ever fall in love with one of them

 

Sub-conscious, like;

 

'I don't care what he/she looks like....'

But he/she is a "universally" attractive person for looks.....it just worked out that way. He said something funny and you just "clicked" with him for some random reason that can be any number of random reasons that are bound to happen that can be pointed to.

 

'I don't care how much money he makes.....'

Coincidentally, he isn't poor and has a very good job with money earning potential.

 

People are always trying to appear not shallow. You can take anyone that can be attractive to you for "shallow" reasons and downplay that while pointing out other qualities about them that is not considered shallow by others. Many people even do this without even thinking they are doing this.

 

Also, real women as opposed to androids????

 

I date women that are very well shaped, regularly. There are tons of them out there. Pretty sure they are real women. Pudgy, out of shape doesn't make a women more real. It just means they are pudgy and out of shape.

Edited April 21, 2013 by Imported

[pbjbear]

The title of this thread is "want to see a REAL woman. Apparently this REAL woman is blaaaah to most male posters here, including ones that state themselves as average looking and needing to lose weight.

 

Our definiton of average IS skewed. The media has influenced the brains of men and the standards of beauty are higher today. You all can argue with me all you want but research studies find this to be true. It shouldnt shockingand you dont need a psych degree to figure it out- the brain is very malleable. Constant images of anything do affect it. Its the same with pornography- guys who watch *alot* of pornography for years get turned on less by their partners...scientific studies show this. The same with media images of unrealistically hot women.

 

I remember my ex boyfriend who is obsessed with Zooey Deschanel, and how I found a candid of her without all the photoshopping and hours of hair and makeup and he seemed so disappointed when he looked at it. There were a bunch of girls on my college campus that looked very similar to her candid picture but those girls werent good enough for him...I dont think men do this consciously but really, most young guys are so unrealistic in what they expect a woman to look like. Looks arent everything

Edited April 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xxoo]

Sub-conscious, like;

 

'I don't care what he/she looks like....'

But he/she is a "universally" attractive person for looks.....it just worked out that way. He said something funny and you just "clicked" with him for some random reason that can be any number of random reasons that are bound to happen that can be pointed to.

 

'I don't care how much money he makes.....'

Coincidentally, he isn't poor and has a very good job with money earning potential.

 

Or....not!

 

I agree that many women are well-shaped, even by media standards. There are also many well-shaped men, with naturally broad shoulders and narrow waists. And yes, they, too, are real people.

 

The average man/women, though, isn't gifted with those proportions. Average guys who are turned off by average women may be in a pickle.

[Weezy1973]

The title of this thread is "want to see a REAL woman"

 

Apparently this REAL woman is blaaaah to most male posters here, including ones that state themselves as average looking and needing to lose weight.

 

Just though I'd go back in the thread to see if in fact MOST male posters found the woman in the OP to be blaaah.

 

5 male posters found her to be blah (average). And most with the caveat that she just isn't their type.

 

5 male posters found her to be quite good looking with comments like "extremely attractive", "awesome" and "she looks great".

 

And there were a couple male posters that didn't really express an opinion and were neutral.

 

And there was also a female poster that used the article to emphasize the importance of women wearing makeup and another female poster that criticized her stomach and agreed with the "average" assessment of another male poster.

 

NOBODY - male or female - described her as ugly.

Edited April 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[chex]

I think she's pretty cute. I mean hell, anyone can make an ugly expression and look goofy as hell. Even I can, unbelievable as that may seem.

 

PLUS REALLY NICE ASS

 

I could tell she does squats before her workout picture.

 

Like DAMN.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I would argue that we all do have a subconscious (or conscious) "checklist."

 

I don't. If you could see a lineup of my boyfriends, 2 husbands, and mind bending crushes I'd challenge you to see any things that could be checked off of a list that they had in common.

 

One thing that I find very compelling is a person who externally appears to be EXTREMELY who they really are on the inside. It often has to do with comfort within one's own skin, but a tremendously awkward person who just IS that tremendously awkward person can also be captivating to me.

 

It's hard for me to imagine all you guys who talk about how difficult it is to sexually arouse men - like a woman has to be centerfold material in order for it to happen??

 

SOOO not true. A woman can be hugely sexy and even obsession - inspiring without even being what y'all think of as high on your ratings scale.

 

I'm just reading a book about the time of Henry VIII ("Bringing Up The Bodies," which along with "Wolf Hall" are spectacular reads and I highly recommend them). Anne Boleyn was not noted for her beauty, by the standards of that time and CERTAINLY not by ours. She managed to completely enchant and ensnare a king who could have, and did, have any gorgeous woman he took a liking to in his bed.

[Mme. Chaucer]

J

NOBODY - male or female - described her as ugly.

 

But one did suggest that it was probably unlikely that she had any other options than the guy she married.

[xxoo]

It's hard for me to imagine all you guys who talk about how difficult it is to sexually arouse men - like a woman has to be centerfold material in order for it to happen??

 

SOOO not true. A woman can be hugely sexy and even obsession - inspiring without even being what y'all think of as high on your ratings scale.

 

I'm just reading a book about the time of Henry VIII ("Bringing Up The Bodies," which along with "Wolf Hall" are spectacular reads and I highly recommend them). Anne Boleyn was not noted for her beauty, by the standards of that time and CERTAINLY not by ours. She managed to completely enchant and ensnare a king who could have, and did, have any gorgeous woman he took a liking to in his bed.

 

And that is just as possible for a man who is not physically hot.

 

Very often, the person who just lights your panties on fire is not the hottest guy in the room! Some pairs of people just spark each other in the most intense way.

[ltjg45]

Your perception might immensely change when you will grow older and mature-up more with passage of time.

 

Trust me! Taste for "perfectionism" goes out of the window once reality starts to sink-in.

 

Even if you get to marry a "model type" women, you will notice major changes in her body structure during the phase of motherhood. Yes, the women might try to keep herself in shape but she might never be as perfect as she was prior to motherhood. So during the course of her motherhood, it would be your "emotional bonding" with her which will keep you attracted to her. In this scenario, her personality will play a role in keeping you interested rather then her body. This is why, physical beauty is not everything.

 

I'm not that braindead.

 

I know full and well looks fade over time. I know women bodies' change when they give birth and it is highly likely it won't go back to the way it was before birth.

 

I seen that first-hand from my own mother.

 

And, as I said before, if I do find a woman to be with and is committed to her, I'm not going to abandon her for whatever reason. I rather die for her than to abandon her for something truly stupid.

Edited April 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[tbf]

Several thoughts have crossed my mind about this thread.

• That there's no line drawn between ideal and attraction.
  
• That there's a form of compensation happening, where the less internal self-worth, the greater the need for perfection in a mate.
  

[USMCHokie]

It's been over 20 years. I'm not worried that things won't work out

 

But, yes, I do tend to be attracted to men who look like him. His look has become my "type".

 

I believe that's how most of us got a "type"--something that you associate with great sexual pleasure and love. And if you got that mostly from media images (moreso than with any real person), that would influence "type" and attraction.

 

Hmmm, interesting. So we may all start out with a certain "type" based on what we are exposed to early in our life...whether that be young college coed types, media images, or porn, etc. And when you are able to associate a certain emotional response from someone of a particular type, then that type becomes "your type" due to the emotions that come from it. Can this be permanently ingrained? And does this happen to men as much as it might to women?

[Radu]

I don't. If you could see a lineup of my boyfriends, 2 husbands, and mind bending crushes I'd challenge you to see any things that could be checked off of a list that they had in common.

 

One thing that I find very compelling is a person who externally appears to be EXTREMELY who they really are on the inside. It often has to do with comfort within one's own skin, but a tremendously awkward person who just IS that tremendously awkward person can also be captivating to me.

 

It's hard for me to imagine all you guys who talk about how difficult it is to sexually arouse men - like a woman has to be centerfold material in order for it to happen??

 

SOOO not true. A woman can be hugely sexy and even obsession - inspiring without even being what y'all think of as high on your ratings scale.

 

I'm just reading a book about the time of Henry VIII ("Bringing Up The Bodies," which along with "Wolf Hall" are spectacular reads and I highly recommend them). Anne Boleyn was not noted for her beauty, by the standards of that time and CERTAINLY not by ours. She managed to completely enchant and ensnare a king who could have, and did, have any gorgeous woman he took a liking to in his bed.

 

 

Good point, another good example is Madame de Pompadour; i think modern women could learn a great deal from her.

[somedude81]

Hmmm, interesting. So we may all start out with a certain "type" based on what we are exposed to early in our life...whether that be young college coed types, media images, or porn, etc. And when you are able to associate a certain emotional response from someone of a particular type, then that type becomes "your type" due to the emotions that come from it. Can this be permanently ingrained? And does this happen to men as much as it might to women?

I really don't think the media has any affect on what type we prefer. Instead, the media caters to the preferences that already exist.

 

I saw a clip online of the daytime talk show Ellen and Jennifer Love Hewitt was a guest recently. And she wore a low cut dress. Now I'm sure that there were some preteen boys out there who might have been watching it with their mom and when J Love came out, some of those boys couldn't stop staring at her breasts. Did they suddenly become interested in breasts because the media told them they were supposed to, or was it a natural reaction?

[mesmerized]

I am actually agreeing with you. I think that overall, she looks better than an average American woman naked. My mum sort of looked like that, maybe tiny bit thinner after 2 kids. She was always complimented on her body.

 

If men are "grossed out" by this, it's just beyond me how they will cope with aging and women's bodies after kids. Especially since they are not the pick of the litter themselves.

 

When I saw her side pics, I drooled over her ass and legs.

Edited April 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Els]

I am also annoyed because I tried googling 'pear shaped women' to try and get a picture of a body type similar to mine for my clothes thread, and everything I got was either women with concave/flat bellies, or overweight women. It's like women in between the two don't even exist to the media.

 

I then tried googling 'women healthy weight', and boy was that worse. The only decent image I could get was in a 'motivation to exercise' context from a thin-obsessed blog(some choice pictures of the author's ideal).

Edited April 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

It appears we've departed from the topic and are focusing more on individual posters than the 'real woman' in the starting post. I'll stop the discussion here to take a look. Back in a few.

 

Thread edited and re-opened to on-topic and civil discussion. Thanks.

Edited April 22, 2013 by William
Re-open thread.

[Almond_Joy]

It seems like this post was trying to accomplish two things at once:

 

Encourage or reinforce women's appreciation for their body, in whatever form it may be, and

 

B) Point out to men that healthy beautiful women are not exclusive to the body types that the media depicts as healthy and beautiful.

 

I can't recall anybody saying this woman was unhealthy or ugly. Most of the people saying they don't find her super attractive seemed to just have a preference for another body type or different looks. Whether that's from media influence or their natural preferences is anyone's guess, but to each their own.

 

I don't feel like a guy's estimation of my attractiveness should be a reflection on whether or not I really am attractive, especially if I'm not attracted to the guy in turn. The only person who can really validate whether I'm attractive by my standards is me, isn't it? I mean if the guy has different standards....I can't do anything to accommodate to them. And even if I could, why would I if they don't align with my own standards? That would make him happy and leave me unhappy. It's a lose lose unless the guys standards align with the woman's. And vice versa for the guy's physique.

[xxoo]

I am also annoyed because I tried googling 'pear shaped women' to try and get a picture of a body type similar to mine for my clothes thread, and everything I got was either women with concave/flat bellies, or overweight women. It's like women in between the two don't even exist to the media.

 

I then tried googling 'women healthy weight', and boy was that worse. The only decent image I could get was in a 'motivation to exercise' context from a thin-obsessed blog(some choice pictures of the author's ideal).

 

That is irritating. It's something I've noticed, too. There seems to be a narrow range of "acceptable" woman's bodies before they are deemed too thin or too fat. "Healthy" is often in the "too fat" range. I don't get it!

 

Often, whether a woman is deemed "ok" or "too fat/too thin" seems to have more to do with the size of her waist or boobs than her actual weight or fitness. It doesn't matter that relative waist size is largely decided by genetics. Women of the same weight can be deemed hot or fat, simply by how her body distributes the weight.

 

If you are still looking for a photo, have you tried My Body Gallery?

[dichotomy]

I love this woman - I really do...

 

She has a handful of mirror images the likes of which get put up on OLD or are used to attract guys. You know, face made-up and peacocking her stuff to look more attractive.

 

But she also shows that she is a normal, healthy, real woman - the kind that if many guys saw without the primping, wouldn't want.

 

Go figure. This is for you guys who want those women you see in magazines. They aren't real...

 

She looks attractive to me. Nice fun attitude (bet that carries over into other areas;)). She has had children and has done okay with it. I am older so I know what kids will do - and age eventually too. All of you younger kids - just wait! You hit your late 30's and expect your body to start to turn on you. A surprising thing awaiting some of you guys - men gain weight after kids too.

 

I do enjoy seeing "normal" or rather not Photoshopped or extreme model types. Actually I prefer curvier women - particularity ones with nice hips. I have never been with a petite woman, nor do i expect I ever well. But heck that's my personal preference. I also get turned on more sexual passion and creativity and joy from a gal - than dress size or weight.

 

Seems like the posts are all over the place here. I would like to comment on two themes related to all this.

 

Body image. I do finally appreciate women pushing back against the exaggerated body images in media. The dove company is one example, but personal blogs and other individuals are using the net and even art galleries to push back and show a range of bodies. However, I see the men about 10 years behind women in the media. Men are being bombarded as never before with the same super ideals women have had to deal with. The 6 pack is now the 8 or 12 pack. 2% body fat PLUS muscles. Plastic surgery for men is among the fastest growing areas of plastic surgery. And penis size - we can get to that in a next part of my reply. But my point is that men should push back as well against the media and these images -understand whats normal for both themselves and women - and its not in the media. We got the next generation of children to help avoid self esteem issues.

 

Personal preference. There was a post with images about men recently. Skinny, fat, fit, fit fat, muscle, and bear(or was it gorilla?). Anyway, The women commented and gave their preferences. There was variation of course, and the expected preferences for skinny or fit. There is also many discussion on penis size and what women prefer, again there was a range, but also a preference by more than a few for sizes larger than "normal mens body". Porn is not helping anyone with body issues - men or women. All I can say is to each their own body preference - just be both honest and kind and accepting of others bodies. There is someone for everyone.

Edited April 22, 2013 by dichotomy