Love or Hate / stay or leave

[Arabellad25]

Hi all. Just hoping for some sensible advice & support.. It's a rather complicated story.. & I really appreciate no one wants to listen to someone waffle on so I'm cutting it real simple.*

 

When I got with my bf a year ago we worked together! Before anything happened with him I really didn't think too highly of him as he seemed a bit sly & had a rep of messing women around ( I never understood how as he's no brad Pitt ).. now, when things started it was unexpected & He turned out to be *so so lovely to me / really caring and gave me a lot of attention. I've had a rough ride in a previous relationship a couple of years back so have been real closed since then.. Until meeting him that is.. He really made me comfortable & happy..*

 

Now, 10 months down the line I find out that he was actually still seeing 2 exes.. & he hadn't split with them properly, just told them he was busy at work. I was devastated... And went mental *at him.. I was fuming!!!!!! Within weeks one of his exes *had managed to get us both sacked from our *very *highly paid jobs ( v v complicated story on its own)*

 

Now, since then ( the past 3 months ) he has been with me every night / day & has done everything possible to make me feel I can trust him..*

 

Yes some people would say I'm stupid for staying with him but I decided to give him 1 shot as I knew what he was like when we started & somehow after the anger I felt relief it had all came up now so that it can b dealt with & decisions made... If he wanted me then i woukd give it a shot.. But ob the understanding of him seeing me only... And he is trying to prove himself.*

 

I should b happy!! I have him.. Hes with me.. We work well together.. We're considering getting a place together...

 

Just a few small issues;

 

*One part of me - hates him / hates what he did to all his exes / hates the.. *reputation *he had / hates that he LOST ME MY JOB ( It was my career, I'd been at the company 3 years & it was humiliating *) / i hate that I still haven't met his friends or family /I *hate that he has a daughter & walked out on her and her mum / hate that he could lie to me in the past.. I get so angry that he has done this & hurt so *many people in the process without taking a second thought...I hate that his friends know what he's like & they prob assume he's cheating on me / I hate that I've put up with so much & scarily sometimes I really want him to suffer for everything he did.. I can't help feeling that if I walked out tomorrow he would just hop onto the next 1/2 or 3 women that pop along. ( usually they're in their late 40s with cats btw - it would appear he didn't have high standards )*

 

On the other hand He hasn't done any wrong since It all came to light.. We've been together 90% of the time.. I love *being with him, we really make each other laugh & he holds me so tight.. I just want a normal happy life with a bf that wants to b there too.*

 

This is so tough for me to know if this is him acting or if he really does want to commit & move forward with me.

 

*We mentioned moving in together as when we start work again it would just make sense.. & he is up for it.. But I just feel like its me pushing for everything.. I've told him I'd never want to live with him if he's unsure but I don't usually get a straight answer.. Normally just a " I just wish we didn't need to argue sometimes " but the next week he will come searching for houses with me??

 

I'm so confused here... I need to know what he wants from this so I can decide what to do with my life. If I decide to leave him I'll leave this city & go to my hometown.. If I stay There's a chance we could b so happy but I worry that it's me pushing for things... As he seems happy floating along with whatever... I'm just confused... *We've spoken about all of this on a few occasions but nothing is ever really resolved.*

 

Any help?!*Feel free to read my previous post to find out about the whole cheating scenario.

 

Oh god, I rambled