cheating on husband with ex-boyfriend: what to do?

[troubleinny]

14 years ago I met a man while in college. I fell in love with him but he never treated me right. 8 years ago I got pregnant and kept the baby. I guess I wanted something to connect him to me forever. Shortly thereafter we moved in together and things were OK but he still cheated on me and I accepted it.I had never cheated on him and I fought so hard to make our relationship work. I guess in a twisted way I was afraid to let go. In 2001, I met a new guy and he was everything that i could have hoped for. We dated briefly (while I was living with my "boyfriend") but he finally told me that although he thought i was perfect for him, he was still having a hard time dealing with the breakup of HIS childhood sweetheart who he has a child with as well.

 

I was devestated because I thought he could be just what i needed to finally get away from my child's father. I knew this guy and I had something special but i also realized that our bad relationships made things more difficult for us to be together. So i did the worse thing. I told my childs father that I wanted to get married and to my surprise he obliged. I started planning the wedding and i was still sleeping with the new guy. BAD MOVE...We got closer and he was finally starting to break away from his feelings for his son's mom. I did not tell him I was engaged until six weeks b4 the ceremony and he was crushed. At that point I knew I was making a mistake but I refused to call off the wedding.

 

The weekend b4 the wedding we made love and cried in each other arms. I told myself that I had to stay away from him so that I wouldn't have more regrets. I got married and tried my best to stay away from him but that failed. Four months into my marriage we resumed our sexual relationship. I have been married now for one year and I see this guy about once a week. He wants me to get a divorce and start over with him. My husband has finally shaped up after all these years and seems to be trying hard to make our marriage work but unbeknowst to him I cheat on him with my lover at least once or sometimes more. My husband is difficult to be with and I really should not have pressure him to get married.

 

Im confused. I know I should get out of the marriage but I don't want to disappoint my child and my family. I love my husband if you can believe that, but I am not in love with him. I am in love with my lover and I know he and I are more compatible. My lover has gotten rid of his black book and only sees me. He is giving me time to make my move regarding a divorce but I feel like I am being unfair to him. He can be out meeting someone on nights that he is spending with me. I feel horrible. Im stressed and I need guidance. Please do not judge me. I need help and advice.

[mudobber]

Major choices in life can be extremely difficult. How can you make a good call?

 

Can you make some small choices that will relieve some pressure? Maybe you get some space from your boyfriend long enough to look at your life from a better angle. It sounds like he is willing to give you some space. Yes, I can imagine he is a very happy cucumber, knocking your socks off once or twice a week!

 

Questions that you need to ask yourself may be: “Would my husband be more fun to be with if I were trying harder?” “Could the answer to this really tough equation be: just be a good wife?”

 

Then think of this: If you elope, would your boyfriend be all that you need? Or would that end up being a fast train wreck? Would he REALLY elope with you? If you, Mrs. Trouble are really considering eloping, then you best have a long talk with your lover about it. Is your lover your soul mate? Or is this a temporary love affair?

 

You could just choose not to choose and make that your choice. Tell yourself, whatever will be, will be. It could be that you are doing the best that you can already, and that you are just being way to hard on yourself.

 

I disagree with your subject of “Living a lie”. You are living a life! A somewhat dangerous life, yes indeed, but at least you are getting laid regular.

[TMCM]

Originally posted by mudobber

 

I disagree with your subject of “Living a lie”. You are living a life! A somewhat dangerous life, yes indeed, but at least you are getting laid regular.

 

She IS living a lie because she is presenting herself to her H as his faithful W which IS a lie.

[mudobber]

Originally posted by TMCM

She IS living a lie because she is presenting herself to her H as his faithful W which IS a lie.

 

Presenting herself as a faithful wife may be a living lie, but she is still living a life, as all us breathing folks are. You included Mr. TMCM Southern Cal life liver.

[TMCM]

Originally posted by mudobber

Presenting herself as a faithful wife may be a living lie, but she is still living a life, as all us breathing folks are. You included Mr. TMCM Southern Cal life liver.

 

Point taken albeit a very destructive life for her child, for her H, for her unborn child and for herself as well.

[mudobber]

Originally posted by TMCM

Point taken albeit a very destructive life for her child, for her H, for her unborn child and for herself as well.

 

Is there an unborn child? My reading comp isn't up to par, or I missed a post somehow????

[TMCM]

No yours are fine but obviously mine are not. My apologies.

[netrie]

a baby on its way?

 

As far as the situation IT SOUNDS LIKE TOO MUCH DRAMA! I thought my life was unstable! My ex break up and make up and break up and make up... Whew. This time its been nearly 5 weeks and we are back in contact with the email and I know what will happen next.

 

I actually have been trying to get out and date other men, I have been really. BUT NO CONNECTION... Then my ex is always there and I for him because we both are so attached.

 

Neither of us have said, I love you either we just are hot and heavy together for nearly a year. But we take long breaks between things NC and still get together. Today he told me in an email that he is fantasizing about me and I wont go into detail either!