Frustration

[she2kh]

Long story short, I like a girl, she likes my good friend. Said girl managed to become my best friend, but my feelings don't die. Things get complicated. Long story below:

 

Okay. So, I don't know where else to turn with this. I'm 17 and male and I would tell my friends about these problems I've been having, but they've their own and would be indifferent to my ow problems (which are probably very trite in comparison). Thus, I've turned to the internet, because why not? Let's start at the beginning.

 

I transferred to a new school at the beginning of my Sophomore year. That year passed without incident; I didn't meet anyone who sparked a fancy. Then begins this year, my Junior year. I'm taking a number of advanced courses, two of which I share with my friend Michael. In these classes, I meet Nina, whom I didn't talk to at first.

 

Then, mid-November, she wished me a happy birthday, which marked the first time we actually talked. (She got my birthday from Facebook.) A week later, she struck up conversation with me again and, from then on, we began talking more and more. She said 'hi' to me every time she saw me in the hallway, but I didn't always notice and ended up missing the opportunity to reciprocate her greetings.

 

Then, in late December, over break, I realized that I couldn't get her off my mind, that I couldn't stop thinking about her. I thought she might like me too. Because of my new revelation, I worked hard to make a handmade gift for her birthday next week. She appreciated the gift.

 

Skip to mid-February, as Valentine's Day is fast approaching. I want to make her a really sweet math-related Valentine's Day card, but there's just something nagging at the back of my mind. I'm starting to wonder if she's interested in me or if I've been "friend-zoned."

 

You see, my friend Michael has most of his classes with Nina, and he's about as smart and far more good looking than I am. He's taller, fairer, and on the slimmer side. I'm shorter, stockier, and rather fat.

 

This doubt leads me to ask Nina on a date to make sure that my Valentine's Day card is welcome. It's a good thing I didn't go through with that card. It turns out she didn't "think of me that way." I was devastated. She said she was sorry and that she still wanted to be friends. Despite my sadness and anger, I still went in the next day and talked to her as a friend, as if nothing had transpired.

 

That weekend, we talk some more and she reveals some painful past experiences to me. I'm relatively certain I'm the only person she's told these to. In the back of my mind, I wonder if she's only doing so because she pities me. From then on, we freely discuss all our feelings.

 

A few weeks pass and the pain is still there. Nina, Michael, and I are also part of a Math team and, one day, a meeting runs late and it's just the three of us. Michael has to go, but Nina urges him to stay for a bit longer, and he does. Slowly, I shrink away from them.

 

After several more weeks, I come clean to Nina that I still have feelings for her and that I would like to take her to prom. This time she tells me that she had feelings for Michael, but she confessed to him and then those feelings "went away." She also says that she doesn't really want to go to prom. I suspect that it's because Michael's taking someone else.

 

Two weeks pass and we're nearly at present. It's Spring Break now, and Nina says she wants to hang out with me. However, she cancels at the last minute and says that it's "too stressful." The implication was that she needed to study. Funnily enough, following that situation, she asks ME to prom. I'm elated.

 

It's the present now, and I've begun to see that she's hanging out with Michael a lot, while I'm still communicating with her the same amount, perhaps even less. Of course, I get nervous again. (If you didn't see this coming, then you haven't been reading. ) I talk to her and we talk about prom. She asks if I know who's going to prom with who. I tell her a few people and then slip in a bit about who Michael's going with. We talk for a few minutes later, still about people going to prom, before she tells me she has to go and leaves abruptly.

 

A few hours later, we text each other. She talks about how she's been sulking over something silly and embarrassing. I, feeling rather testy by this point, push her to share. She's very ambiguous and says it has to do with jealousy and insecurity. I die a little on the inside. I just know this is about how she still feels for Michael

 

And that's where I am.

Thanks for reading.

Anyways, comments? Thoughts? Advice? Do share!

 

Many Thanks,

 

she2kh