It sucks to be unattractive

[TacoGirl23]

I work a part time job at my local fast food store. The store is located very close to my college. A few months ago, I became friends with one of the regular customers there. He goes to the same college as I am, but he is two years ahead of me.

Things are going well and we have nice conversations every time he comes in. I acted nonchalantly whenever he comes in, so I don't think he knows that I like him. He does know that I enjoy his company, because I always greet him with a nice smile and a joke. He seems to enjoy my company as well, since he is always smiling and sharing stories too. We've talked briefly about school and he knows that I go to the same school as he does.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting him to be interested in me. I'm not the pretty girl type, but rather the really plain looking girl. That is, I'm seriously meaning a 4/10 type. Its just that I felt a relatively strong chemistry with him and I felt that he might sense it also.

Well, thing is...he never asked for my number and I blame it on my looks. I feel that he is not asking me because I am not the good looking type. Yes, I do get asked out by guys but most of the time, it is my personality that shines. I've never been hit on (in a serious way) just solely based on my looks and it discourages me because most girls I know are gorgeous and guys always chose to give them the attention whenever we are together.

I've learned to live happily with this cruel fact since I was in high school, but the feelings starting to come back again. The chemistry with this guy is so different from the others I've met and I felt that he might be different. The thing is..he is extremely attractive and I know that fairy tale don't exist.

GUYS, are looks really that important? Could a personality possibly overshadow the appearance? Tell me the truth, no white lies please. I've met guys who I really clicked with, but in the end...they don't ask me out because of my looks.

[PogoStick]

Are you willing to be with a less attractive guy? And yes personality absolutely helps.

 

I think helplessly unattractive women are pretty rare. Even if your face is a concern, you can still work hard at the gym for a killer body, have great fashion, get a flattering hair style, eat healthy and take care of your skin. You can also develop cool talents like martial arts, play an instrument, or melt a man with your singing voice.

 

Most women I find very unattractive don't even attempt these basic things to improve themselves. Where do you fit in? What are you willing to do to improve?

[TacoGirl23]

Are you willing to be with a less attractive guy? And yes personality absolutely helps.

 

I think helplessly unattractive women are pretty rare. Even if your face is a concern, you can still work hard at the gym for a killer body, have great fashion, get a flattering hair style, eat healthy and take care of your skin. You can also develop cool talents like martial arts, play an instrument, or melt a man with your singing voice.

 

Most women I find very unattractive don't even attempt these basic things to improve themselves. Where do you fit in? What are you willing to do to improve?

 

I am starting to...working on it. Thing is, I don't wear makeup and absolutely don't know anything about makeup. I am not aiming for the very attractive guys. The guys I clicked with are just average looking but I still didn't get asked out.

[TacoGirl23]

He's really nice and sometimes I felt that he might have liked me, but I guess he just treated me like a friend.

[hudson701]

To be brutally honest it's all about looks for men I'm afraid. And to be even more honest, it's also about looks when it comes to gorgeous and intelligent women looking for a man as well. You rarely see ugly man with stunning girl, or ugly woman with hot man, unless of course it's escorting or substantial sums of money are involved on either side.

 

I sort of realised this in my early 20s after never having a girlfriend so decided to do something about it by getting into shape and making the best of what I had. Then I started getting interest from more attractive females.

[Sunshine87]

I think that most people can be attractive with the right hair style, make-up, clothes etc. Personality is very important too ( especially for serious or LT relationships). But most people need some physical attraction to work with.

 

I believe in modesty- I don't wear much make-up but I also think that women should do what they can to enhance thier looks. Even the most beautiful Hollywood starts accentuate thier looks with make up. Why don't you pay a visit to a make- up store and ask the make- up artist to test some make-up on you. Get her to teach you how to apply it too. I don't know if you're overweight, average or slim but I don't think that really matters as some men prefer bigger women, while others smaller. The most important thing is being healthy( lose weight if YOU want to and not because of male attention) and wear attractive, colourful and trendy clothes that SUIT your body type.

 

Believe me when I say that with the amount of make overs women have access to , it's almost impossible not to be attractive if you tried.

How old are you?

 

Finally, please do not drown yourself in negative thoughts. I've seen a lot of women that people deem "unattractive", with wonderful, attractive and loving husbands. Don't ever think you are too unattractive to find love. That's simply not true.

 

Do what you can to enhance your looks ( as most women do) and leave the rest to unfold naturally. Don't obessess over it. It will happen.

Edited April 19, 2013 by Sunshine87

[TaraMaiden]

You need to read this thread and click on the link in the first post.....

[Buttercup84]

I doubt you are average. Maybe you need to look at yourself in a different way. Why do you think you arr unatractive ?

[tricolors]

To be brutally honest it's all about looks for men I'm afraid.

 

No, it most certainly is not. That's a ludicrous statement. While a base level of physical attraction is needed in any relationship, a great personality, intelligence, and way of acting can go a long way.

 

As a man, I'm literally offended by your statement.

 

Don't listen to this guy.

[soccerrprp]

So, you have had dates in the past, right? So, you are attractive to some men. Perhaps not the men that you WANT, but attractive never the less.

 

It's unfortunately easy for guys to choose the more attractive woman when you are in the midst of them. If you are average or less so as you say, men will seek out the more attractive person. Women do it too. Maybe your physical standards are too high?

 

The article that TM referred you to is interesting and perhaps helpful. Are you physically attractive, ie. body-type? Fit? What do you look like with make-up? Do you wear it? Do you dress to attract?

 

The reality is that a good personality is great to have, but the vast majority of men AND women don't seem to even attempt to find out whether someone has one if he/she doesn't meet their physical expectations. At least a romantic interest doesn't come to mind....

Edited April 19, 2013 by soccerrprp

[Esoteric Elf]

I've learned to live happily with this cruel fact since I was in high school, but the feelings starting to come back again.

You and I both. It is good to see that a fellow soul enjoys the company of this bottom of the barrel. You get used to it.

 

GUYS, are looks really that important? Could a personality possibly overshadow the appearance? Tell me the truth, no white lies please. I've met guys who I really clicked with, but in the end...they don't ask me out because of my looks.

hudson701 incorrectly stated that it is all about looks for a guy. There is a point when looks are too much of a turn off that a guy, with no amount of personality to resurrect it, will not date you; however, keep in mind, just like women, men all come packaged differently. As a self-proclaimed 4/10, that should be enough to get you by, again, depending on the guy. I overheard, to my pleasant surprise, a few years back, a group of girls talking about a guy who had two choices to marry, and he chose the not as good looking but better personality girl. I would like to say I would do no different, but seeing as I have had no girls...

 

Let your personality continue to shine. Who knows? It is uncommon, but not impossible; just please do not get your hopes up.

[Els]

Yes, I do get asked out by guys but most of the time, it is my personality that shines. I've never been hit on (in a serious way) just solely based on my looks and it discourages me

 

I'm not sure what the problem is here.

 

You have been asked out by guys who were interested in your personality... but you want a guy who asks you out 'solely based on your looks'? Why? Why do you not appreciate the guys who want to be with you for your personality?

[TouchedByViolet]

Yes, physical attractiveness is important, and it can be very frustrating when your attractiveness is noticeably holding you back. I would focus on things you can change, weight, hair style, fashion, makeup, etc.

[Treasa]

Pssht. I'm not saying attraction doesn't count, but when you rate yourself a 4/10, I'm willing to bet it's the energy you either put forth or don't put forth that makes the difference.

 

I'm a 10/10, and no one in the world could change my mind about that. I'm a great catch, if a guy could ever manage to hold onto me, and I don't have to go running around screaming it. The other day I met a drop-dead gorgeous new colleague, and I just smiled (I wasn't looking my best that day) brightly, started chatting him up like I do with everyone else, and now he seems to go out of his way to talk to me.

 

So what if this guy is kinda lukewarm? Maybe he doesn't have a big enough set.

 

Go on rocking your bad self and don't give it another thought. You're worth whatever YOU think you are worth.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I work a part time job at my local fast food store. The store is located very close to my college. A few months ago, I became friends with one of the regular customers there. He goes to the same college as I am, but he is two years ahead of me.

Things are going well and we have nice conversations every time he comes in. I acted nonchalantly whenever he comes in, so I don't think he knows that I like him. He does know that I enjoy his company, because I always greet him with a nice smile and a joke. He seems to enjoy my company as well, since he is always smiling and sharing stories too. We've talked briefly about school and he knows that I go to the same school as he does.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting him to be interested in me. I'm not the pretty girl type, but rather the really plain looking girl. That is, I'm seriously meaning a 4/10 type. Its just that I felt a relatively strong chemistry with him and I felt that he might sense it also.

Well, thing is...he never asked for my number and I blame it on my looks. I feel that he is not asking me because I am not the good looking type. Yes, I do get asked out by guys but most of the time, it is my personality that shines. I've never been hit on (in a serious way) just solely based on my looks and it discourages me because most girls I know are gorgeous and guys always chose to give them the attention whenever we are together.

I've learned to live happily with this cruel fact since I was in high school, but the feelings starting to come back again. The chemistry with this guy is so different from the others I've met and I felt that he might be different. The thing is..he is extremely attractive and I know that fairy tale don't exist.

GUYS, are looks really that important? Could a personality possibly overshadow the appearance? Tell me the truth, no white lies please. I've met guys who I really clicked with, but in the end...they don't ask me out because of my looks.

 

This goes back to what many of the guys on here complain about.

 

I'm sure this guy is good-looking and popular, right? This is why you feel "chemistry." (Hint: chemistry doesn't actually exist....it's a term girls use when the guy is good-looking and has an attractive personality).

 

Have you considered going for average-looking guys since you're an average looking girl?

[soccerrprp]

 

Go on rocking your bad self and don't give it another thought. You're worth whatever YOU think you are worth.

 

And apparently she doesn't feel much worth if she rates herself a 4/10.

 

OP, do you have pics? W/o make-up and with? What do your friends say about your looks? Your family?

[Treasa]

And apparently she doesn't feel much worth if she rates herself a 4/10.

 

OP, do you have pics? W/o make-up and with? What do your friends say about your looks? Your family?

 

Pics don't matter. External validation won't help her. She needs to believe that she is a 10.

[soccerrprp]

Pics don't matter. External validation won't help her. She needs to believe that she is a 10.

 

Yeah, I know, but oftentimes there's a disconnect between what the person sees and what others see. Just curious if she is underestimating herself b/c of insecurity, et al.

 

Just curious...

[somedude81]

Yes, I do get asked out by guys but most of the time, it is my personality that shines.

I'm confused, what are you upset about?

 

 

Edit:

Bah beaten to the punch a few posts up.

[USMCHokie]

Pics don't matter. External validation won't help her. She needs to believe that she is a 10.

 

How will believing she's a "10" help if she's objectively lower than that...?

[TheGuard13]

In general, fast food stores aren't the most "attractive" environment. While I have seen some very attractive women at fast food places, they hardly look their best most of the time, just because of the work environment.

 

If you never wear makeup, even if you're a decent looking girl, you're often putting yourself at a bit of a disadvantage, because so many other girls are. I'd look into makeup, and see if there's anything you can do to accentuate your natural strengths. Because most fast food uniforms won't.

 

Now, department store uniforms? Yowza.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Make yourself prettier?? I mean ok this is coming from me a good personality is great but if you aren't at least a 5-6 I'm not going to talk to you. I don't want to feel embarrassed of the person I date I just don't. Also my personality is like ok.. I guess but I'm pretty kind of so I kind of get hit on a lot. Just make yourself up and be pretty or date guys who are on your level. I think dating outside your level is wrong and selfish.

[MN85]

Pics don't matter. External validation won't help her. She needs to believe that she is a 10.

 

Yea-no.

 

I agree that decent dose of courage & self esteem goes a long way. That said, simply stubbornly believing that you're a 10/10 while every other factor (i.e. responses from men/women, the way you look in the mirror, etc.) clearly show that you're not, won't help at all.

 

To give you an example: I've always had a healthy level of self esteem. However, I started feeling much more desirable and good looking over time because:

a. I was told that I look great by many girls - both to my face and/or behind my back

b. I've no problems with lining up 3 dates per weekend (both through in-person and ojnline sourcing)

c. The way I look in the mirror is pretty good when compared to the physical ideal that is out there (six pack, broad shoulders, nice face, trallalla...)

d. 90%+ of the times when I do not see a girl again after a "lame" date, it is because I break if off/stop calling and not the other way around (i.e. power of choice is with me, not the other way around)

 

In other words - positive feedback reinforces self esteem & confidence while negative feedback destroys it. You can think of yourself as a 10/10 all you want - if you're not seeing the responses that you'd expect a 10/10 to get, you're just lying to yourself...

 

Now, all of that said, - I do agree that personality is VERY important - esp. for guys like moi who are currently looking for a relationship (which is why I dont see quite a few girls again after date 1 - we just don't "click").

 

HOWEVER, I NEVER ask out girls to whom I am NOT physically attracted to. Why? Well, because I can't tell whether a woman's personality is great or crap before I get to know her, right? So, I go by what I can determine about her which, clearly, is whether I find her attractive or not (i.e. LOOKS).

 

SO, while having a great personality is key, I'd say that looking great is just as, and even more, important in the early stages.

 

If guys don't find you hot, most of them won't approach you.

Sorry but that's a fact.

[Treasa]

In other words - positive feedback reinforces self esteem & confidence while negative feedback destroys it. You can think of yourself as a 10/10 all you want - if you're not seeing the responses that you'd expect a 10/10 to get, you're just lying to yourself...

 

I'm not disputing that this is the case for a lot of people, but that doesn't mean that people who don't need external validation are lying to themselves. If every single person on this site told me I was ugly...I would still think I was a 10, and I would still behave as a 10. While I do enjoy compliments, my views on life are my own, not filtered by the opinions of others. For example, if I teach a class and I don't get compliments, I still know I've done a good job - provided I did. I know the difference.

 

The nice thing is that my feelings are not attached to my accomplishments anymore. They used to be, and they used to be attached to the perceived impression of others' opinions. That is not the case anymore. I hold myself up to my own standards.

 

If someone found me unattractive, that's fine. That's their loss and I wouldn't want to be with someone that dumb.

[RedRobin]

The world is full of people who will happily tear you down no matter how 'gorgeous' you might objectively be on whatever body-type trend is going on.

 

I almost never wear make up either. Instead I spend whatever time I'd be applying makeup and spend it making my skin look naturally radiant and doing what it takes to keep it that way... Nothing replaces exercise, plenty of water, and good sleep.

 

The guy I just started dating says he loves my smile. Says that something in my eyes just drew him to me. I was wearing no makeup when we met. We are both very active though, so he regularly sees women without makeup and likes it. 'Pot' meet 'lid'.

 

Anyway, men don't worry about this shyte. Look what men do with their time... starting companies. Studying in school. Making something of themselves.

 

If you are spending more than about 10-15 min a day putting your face together, it is too much time IMHO.

 

I'd argue that getting an education and moving out of the fast food world is a much better use of your time...

 

that way when the right man comes into your life, you will be in a position to make the best decisions for you and not because you need financial support or external validation.

Edited April 19, 2013 by RedRobin