It sucks to be unattractive

[Els]

Am I the only one confused by this? How could he have fallen for you if he wants you to change your looks? It's not even as if ever since you started seeing him, you suddenly grew a mustache, gained 200 lbs, and decided to start doing professional sumo. I've fallen hard for only three girls over the course of my entire life, and NEVER, did I care that any one of them wasn't a maxim supermodel, or whatever random determinant of attractiveness in today's society. Hell, I don't even think any of them wore makeup regularly. And you know what? I didn't think any of them were "pretty girls", either. I'd classify all of them under the "cute" category.

 

And it's not even just a point of me not caring... One of those girls started having major acne issues (this one was in my teen years if you can tell), and while a part of my brain registered that fact, I could still only see the twinkle in her eyes as she laughed. I was literally lost in her smile, and everything else felt secondary. If he really fell for you in any way, I don't see how on earth he could feel that way about your physical looks, much less voice those feelings. IMO, physical looks are only really important for the initial barrier. The fact that it was still an issue for him(your ex), I think, means that you were never really serious gf material for him to start with, which is a different issue altogether. Either he doesn't know himself as well as he should, or he's deceiving you for the ego boost.

 

The last thing I'd like to address is not directly about the OP, but about the whole "I'm a 10" issue that people have been talking about. I also believe I'm a 10. It doesn't mean that I think I'm perfect; it simply means that I am a 10 to myself. To me, I am just damn amazing. I may be a bit out of shape, have stretch marks, etc., but whenever I look in the mirror, I smile. Because to me, I mean the world. And you know what? Those three girls I fell for that I was talking about, objectively I doubt many people would rate them over a 7. However, to me, they were all 10's (no, really, I mean it with all my heart).

 

It's really heartwarming to read a post like this in such a thread, RoadKill. Great post. The girls you were with were very lucky to have you, and I'm very lucky that my bf is similar to you.

 

As for your bolded question, I'm curious about that as well. I think there may be two ways that it could have gone. The first is, that, well, the OP doesn't have a great self-esteem regarding her looks (not her fault, most of us don't at her age I think), and women can get oversensitive about looks-related comments. So it could be something as simple as her asking him if she looked good in a particular outfit, and him saying that no, he didn't like it. On the other hand, it's also possible her ex was just an immature twat who was just as superficial as the others but settled for her. The only way to know for sure is how he treats her aside from that, IMO, or the context of his comments.

[hppr]

I work a part time job at my local fast food store. The store is located very close to my college. A few months ago, I became friends with one of the regular customers there. He goes to the same college as I am, but he is two years ahead of me.

Things are going well and we have nice conversations every time he comes in. I acted nonchalantly whenever he comes in, so I don't think he knows that I like him. He does know that I enjoy his company, because I always greet him with a nice smile and a joke. He seems to enjoy my company as well, since he is always smiling and sharing stories too. We've talked briefly about school and he knows that I go to the same school as he does.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting him to be interested in me. I'm not the pretty girl type, but rather the really plain looking girl. That is, I'm seriously meaning a 4/10 type. Its just that I felt a relatively strong chemistry with him and I felt that he might sense it also.

Well, thing is...he never asked for my number and I blame it on my looks. I feel that he is not asking me because I am not the good looking type. Yes, I do get asked out by guys but most of the time, it is my personality that shines. I've never been hit on (in a serious way) just solely based on my looks and it discourages me because most girls I know are gorgeous and guys always chose to give them the attention whenever we are together.

I've learned to live happily with this cruel fact since I was in high school, but the feelings starting to come back again. The chemistry with this guy is so different from the others I've met and I felt that he might be different. The thing is..he is extremely attractive and I know that fairy tale don't exist.

GUYS, are looks really that important? Could a personality possibly overshadow the appearance? Tell me the truth, no white lies please. I've met guys who I really clicked with, but in the end...they don't ask me out because of my looks.

 

You have to try harder. "I acted nonchalantly whenever he comes in" "he didn't ask for my number" those two are directly related. You have to put in the effort if you want a reward.

[aburd123]

I am sure that you are more attractive than you are making yourself out to be. I am not vey attractive either, however I don't think that matters in the end. I mean if the person likes you for your personality, that should be more important than your looks. Any relationship that is going to last the people need to realize that you won't look that way forever. Even you're friends that you consider attractive won't look the same in 20 years and then those that are now interested may not be because they are after the looks only. Being attractive to the personality is actually a better thing.

 

Now as far as the phone #. Bring it up in a conversation. Say something like "You know, we don't have each other's phone numbers. I was wondering if you'd be okay exchanging numbers. that way we can talk other times rather than just where I am working" or something to that affect.

 

Don't think that you are unattractive though. I'm sure there are things about you that are more attractive than you think.

[hppr]

I guarantee that if the OP spends her time getting an education and a kick-ass life, she'll have more than enough spare time to do whatever she wants... including f*cking the hot pool boy for fun if that trips her trigger. or wearing makeup or not. She certainly won't be obliged to put up with men's crap in order to keep a roof over her head... and that is saying a lot.

.

 

The problem is if she's not willing to put in the time and energy. She talks about how she doesn't like her appearance but doesn't want to do anything about it, she said she liked this guy and had conversations with him regularly but acted "nonchalant," how is someone like that going to go out and get a good job and a kick ass life? It seems to me her real problem isn't looks but a lack of energy and motivation.

[ScreamingTrees]

uhm, not what I was getting at but fine - lets have some fun w this:

 

1. I graduated with honors from college and got a job after sending out two resumes within three weeks of graduating. And it's a job in my field, and my pay has gone up 40% in eight years. I make a very good salary.

 

- hones + summa cum laude, actually graduated w. a job lined up in 2009 which was arguable the worst year to look for a job in the last 8 decades, pay has gone up 60%+ over past 4 years, 2 promos

 

2. I lost 120 pounds and kept it off.

 

- well, I didnt have that much to loose - lost 20 and am maintaining a 6-pack for several years now

 

3. I went from being a couch potato to running a half-marathon.

 

- went from 180lbs skinny fat to 190lbs w. sub 10% body fat, increased my lifts by 300%+, never ran a marathon tho (never had an interest to do so)

 

4. I once paid off $35,000 in debt in one year.

 

- never had any debt - got a 75% ride from the arguably most expensive US college + financed rest by working every summer

 

5. I'm one of the highest-ranked martial artists in my organization, and definitely when it comes to weapons training (sword, three-foot staff, six-foot staff, etc.)

 

- actually, this is pretty impressive. I'm boxing 2x/week for fun but never picked up any other martial arts training (no time )

 

6. I've been proposed to three times but never got married (my choice). There is a guy right now who wants to marry me, and I could be married by the end of the week if I wanted it.

 

- again, doesnt apply to me. Usually, girls dont propose to guys and Ive never felt the urge to propose to anyone. If we're talking about getting laid tho, I've 2 girls on my speed dial who'd be up for some fun whenever I want them to be

(tho nowadays Im actually looking for serious dating)

 

Now wasn't this fun?

Oh, and I almost forgot - men age better than women - so in 50 years, I'll look like I'm 50 ;P

 

lets put this aside for a sec now - do you fight with real swords or are you doing kendo training w. wooden swords?

Have a friend who tried to get me into kendo but it looked fairly stale to me so I passed. Is it worth trying?

 

So.. You both listed some stats. What does this accomplish? Has anyone gained anything of physical or mental value from this transaction? Do you think that Treasa gives a **** about what top college you graduated from, or the fact that you lift 500 lbs with your penis?

 

Bragging doesn't serve any real purpose, other than to incite confrontation by acting like a childish superficial person and trying to make someone else seem lesser, or to impress .. Having said that, you're obviously not going to pick up girls online from bull****ting about how awesome or better than anyone else you are, or get punched in the face from behind your cozy little computer screen for being a stupid prick.

 

What's the point? It's empty air, it means very little to anyone here, quite frankly. There have been plenty of posters who claim to be in the top 5% financially/physically/mentally and what the **** are they doing on a dating help site to begin with? Only oddballs register here.

[RedRobin]

The problem is if she's not willing to put in the time and energy. She talks about how she doesn't like her appearance but doesn't want to do anything about it, she said she liked this guy and had conversations with him regularly but acted "nonchalant," how is someone like that going to go out and get a good job and a kick ass life? It seems to me her real problem isn't looks but a lack of energy and motivation.

 

A lot of young people lack direction. It's a rite of passage most people find a way through.

 

My advice about her getting an education and getting a kick-ass life comes before makeup techniques.

 

The fact that women are encouraged to spend so much of their time fussing on their looks and primping doesn't help them in the long run.

 

She'll find a style that works for her... and one that will likely serve her better once she has the opportunity to come in contact with a more diverse group of people.