I love my girlfriend so much....why does she keep hurting me

[Ben27]

Ok i really need to talk to some.

 

I'm going out with mygirl friend Liz, weve being going out for about 7 months now. Now I am a person who belives that you should be with one person, especially when two people are so close like me and Liz are. Unfortunately that mind-set has led me to be destroyed emotionally by this girl.

 

When we first started going out she had broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years

 

About 2 months into are relationship we had been having a good relationship, then she called me to her house and told me she had slept with her ex-boyfriend once in the spring holidays, about a month into us going out. I was so angry but eventually managed to forgive her because itwas her ex-boyfriend and she told me this story about feeling sorry for him. At the moment of forgiveness I said very especially 'You have told me everything haven't you? There are no lies now?' And she said that was the case, I think she ever swore on it. Then one of the worst moments in my life happened. I got an e-mail from her ex-boyfriend telling the truth. Here is a copy of the e-mail I got:

 

'when i went to France in January 28-Feb 1st, she f**ked Dan

then on Feb 8th, Dan's party, where she first met Ben, I said things werent working

i told liz i didnt think i could trust her

the next day, she dumped me, and told me what happened with Dan

I saw her on valentines day, and slept over

then on the 15th, she saw Ben

she f**ked him on the Wednesday, after knowing him for 10 days

i saw her on the Friday

f**ked her

saw her one weekend that half of term

f**ked her

saw her in last week of term, when i stayed over on the Wednesday, after open day

f**ked her

saw her a week into my easter holiday, her first weeked

she came around mine when Ben was in France

she stayed 4 days, lots of f**king

she saw me on Tuesday morning, Ben on Tuesday evening, 2 guys in one day

saw her again in holiday after easter, weekend before going back to school

when she got pissed, and Ben came around

after Ben left, everything but f**king

last week she told ben she had f**ked me once, during spring term, it was my fault, she felt pressured into it, felt sorry for me, normal bollox, all lies

so Ben is still with her as a result'

 

I MEAN I WAS LIKE AT HER HOUSE WITH HER EX BOYFRIEND WE WERE ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME THEN WHEN I LEFT SHE WAS CHEATING IMMEDIATELY. Worst of all was when I was in Paris. I had been told by her she was going to her grandma's house for the 4 days, when she was actually going to her ex-boyfriends. I was missing and loving her soooo much when I was in Paris and this is what was happening

 

For some god-forsaken reason I was still with here after this, because I do truely love here and if I broke up it would be like someone dying. Its not that I'm dependant on her, I have many great friends and have a good social life, but for some reason I just could not break up with her.

 

We talked about it, and she said she would never do anything again because she loved me and I was the one for her. When something like this happens the only thing a person can do to keep going is to belive with all their heart that what the person is telling them, that they will never cheat again, is true.

 

It was all going well for about 4 months. In the summer I had a holiday with about 10 friends of mine and we stayed in a caravan site in a well known for it's partying town. My girlfriend wasent coming on the trip because it was a boys thing, but she phoned me up and said could she come down. Because I missed her so much I said yes. I couldn't wait to see her get off the train, I had the biggest smile on my face and had the feeling that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I couldnt imagine anyone else. THAT NIGHT she got drunk and in a room of our caravan, while i was in another room, she kissed one of my m8s. I went absolutely ballistic because I was fixed on te fact that it would never happen again. I wasent mad with the person she was kissing (though she destryoed my friendship with that person) I was mad at her for being able to do this to me, I would rather have her physically stab me then to let me down completely by breaking the trust she had made sound so strong, when she said she loved me and would never cheat again. I made a complete idiot out of myself and accidently pushed her into the showing, making it look like I wasent afraid to use force aganist her, infront of my BEST friends. My friends were VERY supportive. But I lost alot of my love for my girlfriend.

 

About 3 days ago, it was me, one of my best mates and my girlfriend, all haning out. The whole night she was trying to annoy me and get one-ups. By giving me th cold shoulder, not talking to me, walking next to my friend leaving me to trail behind, and even holdin his hand as a laugh. I was furious inside, but im not good at showing my emotions, so she probably didnt relize how cross I was. Then she said something that she should not have said, she just said it to get me angry and get hurt and I dont know why she does it. Oh yes by the way she has alot of problems about being adopted and not being loved, but she said casually 'I dont think I've ever loved anyone'. I just exploded and said 'right thats it, i'm not saying I love you ever again' (I say it alot because I know she is adopted and needs to hear it).

 

So I basically, in my eyes broke up with her after that, and havent seen her for 2 days. Because of this she devised a plan. A m8 would ring up and say 'do u want to come drinking' and then she would be there aswell so we could talk. Anyway I didnt go because I dont know this bloke very well, he lives miles away, and he is a bit nerdy and we don't share the same sense of humor. It still went ahead tho and my girlfriend went drinking with this nerdy m8 and two of his m8s that I don't know. My girlfriend got completely wasted and turned around and kissed this bloke she was drinking with!! Jesus christ I get drunk, but if u love someone u wouldnt do that!!!!!!!! Then while waiting at the train station, she put her hands down my m8s trousers. He appraently pushed her hand away but i dont know this bloke lies alot. She was also trying to kiss him with her tougne.

 

I would never cheat on her even if I was drunk, because I love here! Why does she do it to me! I've been crying for about 4 hours 2day because I just feel like im worthless because stuff like this is bound to happen, even when I am completely innocent and give her ntohing but love. I don't know what to do because I can't see a future without her.

 

If anyone could reply, it would ease my pain, thank-you, Ben

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am sorry to hear your story but I will tell it to you straight.

You are totally co-dependent on this girl. She has completely humiliated and disrespected you as a man and has put your health at great risk for STD's. She has used and played you and made you look like a total fool. You are a product of an abusive relationship and yet you are begging for more. Please see a therapist and find out why you would and continue to accept such abuse. Do you really think she is the only girl in the world for you. Why would you want a girl who enjoys screwing many men, lying and humiliating you? She clearly does not respect you at all. The really sad part is that you have no respect for yourself.

Please open your eyes and see how much poison this girl is to you. She will destroy your life if you let her. Wake-Up!

[reservoirdog1]

It sucks that you love her. There's nothing you can do about that, unfortunately, except to dump her sorry cheating ass and give yourself time to get over her.

 

You've been going out for seven months, and from what you wrote I can't keep track of the number of guys she's either f*cked or blatantly come on to in your presence. To say nothing of the fact that she makes you feel horribly insecure and batters your self-esteem into the ground.

 

That b*tch is a psychopath. I wish I could offer you something more encouraging, but the relationship STARTED with her cheating on you and continued in that vein. What, objectively, makes you think it will get better?

 

I was married to somebody like that, the only difference being that I didn't get the in-your-face warnings that you got. Everything was hidden from me and I didn't find out for years afterwards who she really was. You're one of the lucky ones, though it doesn't seem like that now.

 

Have some respect for yourself. By staying with her, you're allowing her to treat you like that. She'll make you miserable, and life's too short for that. She doesn't deserve you -- find somebody who does.

[Merin]

Ben, Listen it doesn't matter if your girlfriend is adopted.... it doesn't matter if she never felt loved blah blah because that doesn't excuse her from being a s***ty person with no morals or values.

 

This girl isn't even your friend Ben.... you don't behave in a manner that would hurt your friends understand that. Just as you said yourself, YOU would NEVER do the things Liz has done because YOU love her.... think on that for a moment... you DON'T mistreat someone you love, ever.

 

You forgave Liz the first time you found out she had cheated on you... and while I commend you for giving her another opportunity and finding forgiveness for her, obviously all that did was tell Liz that she could continue to lie to you and continue to cheat on you and you would still take her back.

 

This girl is a straight B!tch Ben! If it's true that we teach others how to treat us, and we teach others what is acceptable and not acceptable to us, then allowing her to remain in the relationship with you while she lies and cheats on you is teaching her that it's okay with you for her to treat you bad and you find her behaviour acceptable.

 

Why does she do this to you.... because she isn't that into you Ben (and for real because she is a B!thc ) when someone love you and has your best interest at heart, they do not, let me repeat that DO NOT behave in this manner, they DO NOT take your forgivness and good heart and stomp on it.

 

Dump her sorry butt Ben. I know it hurts and I know it's difficult..... but in time you will be okay again and once your rid of her, you may even met someone who appreciates what you have to offer in a relationship Ben.