I hate living with my husband i even resent him at times

[Jess12]

I absolutely hate living with my husband i find myself cleaning after him all the time and am sick of it we hardly have been married a year and am miserable. I am a very clean responsible person i like having the house organized and i hate cleaning up after him constantly! He does not care he does not even try when i ask him to please don't walk on the carpet with shoes on as i absolutely hate this leaves dirt all over the freshly cleaned carpet that i just spent hours cleaning he does it anyway with his work boots. He also went to work out at the beach with friends and walked with the shoes filled with sand all over the carpet and even in to our bedroom which also has carpet This drove me mad!! I cant stand it! He is messy he is sloppy we got new couches new beautiful fabric ivory couches he sits on them with his work shoes on, he comes from exercising all sweaty and instead of taking a shower first he throws himself on them and the couches smell disgusting i have tried cleaning them but nothing works, he eats on top of them when we have a dining room set right next to the kitchen HOW HARD IS THAT he refuses to eat on the dining set he likes eating on top of the couches. he spilled beer on the couches am just SICK of this i cant stand living with him he is a slob, he is so messy and careless and am tired of constantly asking to please just try to be more cautious am tired of cleaning up after him all the time!!!! Dont even get me started on the bathroom, he pees all over the floor!!!! I am not kidding you walk in to the bathroom and it smells like a public bathroom outside a construction building. I told him please i have to clean everyday is embarrassing having people over and it smells so bad. I had to wash the small area rug in the bathroom because he peed all over it as well, he also pees on the shower (without taking a shower) he just randomly pees there and there is urine residue all over then his feet are wet and walks all over the carpet outside the bathroom (I hate carpeting by the way it sucks) But anyway he just does not give a rats ass about it, and i hate living like this i just hate it its gross these are just a FEW things and i cant stand it, i have nicely talked to him about it and nothing, i hate living with him i absolutely hate it!!! How do you deal with things your spouse does that makes you go absolutely insane and they still do it with out caring how it makes you feel? I clean EVERY Single day because it is always a mess and it is just me and him no kids just me and him! He takes off his workout clothes that smells like a dead animal specially his shorts and the down below area and puts it on top of the kitchen COUNTER where we cook our food like REALLy is this necessary i cant take it i honestly can not stand this!!!!!!

[Nyla]

I absolutely hate living with my husband i find myself cleaning after him all the time and am sick of it we hardly have been married a year and am miserable. I am a very clean responsible person i like having the house organized and i hate cleaning up after him constantly! He does not care he does not even try when i ask him to please don't walk on the carpet with shoes on as i absolutely hate this leaves dirt all over the freshly cleaned carpet that i just spent hours cleaning he does it anyway with his work boots.

 

He also went to work out at the beach with friends and walked with the shoes filled with sand all over the carpet and even in to our bedroom which also has carpet This drove me mad!! I cant stand it! He is messy he is sloppy we got new couches new beautiful fabric ivory couches he sits on them with his work shoes on,

 

 

he comes from exercising all sweaty and instead of taking a shower first he throws himself on them and the couches smell disgusting i have tried cleaning them but nothing works, he eats on top of them when we have a dining room set right next to the kitchen HOW HARD IS THAT he refuses to eat on the dining set he likes eating on top of the couches.

 

he spilled beer on the couches am just SICK of this i cant stand living with him he is a slob, he is so messy and careless and am tired of constantly asking to please just try to be more cautious am tired of cleaning up after him all the time!!!!

 

Dont even get me started on the bathroom, he pees all over the floor!!!! I am not kidding you walk in to the bathroom and it smells like a public bathroom outside a construction building. I told him please i have to clean everyday is embarrassing having people over and it smells so bad. I had to wash the small area rug in the bathroom because he peed all over it as well, he also pees on the shower (without taking a shower) he just randomly pees there and there is urine residue all over then his feet are wet and walks all over the carpet outside the bathroom (I hate carpeting by the way it sucks)

 

But anyway he just does not give a rats ass about it, and i hate living like this i just hate it its gross these are just a FEW things and i cant stand it, i have nicely talked to him about it and nothing, i hate living with him i absolutely hate it!!! How do you deal with things your spouse does that makes you go absolutely insane and they still do it with out caring how it makes you feel?

 

I clean EVERY Single day because it is always a mess and it is just me and him no kids just me and him! He takes off his workout clothes that smells like a dead animal specially his shorts and the down below area and puts it on top of the kitchen COUNTER where we cook our food like REALLy is this necessary i cant take it i honestly can not stand this!!!!!!

 

It would be much easier to read your post if it was in paragraphs.

 

It sounds like there is a lack of respect if you have expressed your concerns to your husband and the unclean habits continue. Bear in mind that he may be having difficulty adjusting to sharing a space with someone, if you and he did not live together before marriage. The first year of marriage is difficult because spouses are just getting to know each other as husband and wife. Maybe your husband takes your neatness for granted since he knows you will clean up after him.

 

While women are generally neater than men, it sounds like your husband is excessively dirty and messy. I dated some men who were absolute pigs and it was a turn off. Peeing all over the floor is disgusting, as well as peeing in the shower when one is not showering. I couldn't live with my husband if he was this gross.

 

All I can suggest is a serious discussion with your husband, along with marriage counseling. If he cannot change his disgusting habits, I would suggest separate residences but still being married if that would work for you.

 

I am so glad that my husband and I lived together before marriage, so that I could see that our cleanliness habits are about the same. He is the neatest man I have ever been with and he wouldn't DARE pee all over the floor or flop down on the couch stinking of sweat.

[KathyM]

How is it possible that you never saw his place and how he lived before you were married? Didn't you notice that he lived like a pig? If your standards for cleanliness are so opposite, you're going to have your hands full in trying to retrain him. I would suggest implementing a chore chart that you post on your refrigerator. Write down each person's chores with a space provided for each day of the week for each person. Put in there things like "Keeping bathroom clean" and "Picks up clothes", and whatever else you both decide should be on the chart. Then draw in a star for every day he does those things, with a reward listed for having a certain number of stars by the end of the week. Make the reward something he really likes, such as a back rub, his favorite meal prepared, his favorite dessert, lingerie night, or something really desirable to him. You should also be rewarded for complying with the chart also. I think you'll see he makes the effort because he wants the reward. I know this tactic sounds a bit juvenile, but desperate times call for desperate measures. He needs to be retrained since his mother never instilled those concepts in him when he was a child. This is a positive way to help him to improve. Start out with a lower number of stars needed to get the reward, and build up from there when he makes progress. People respond much better to positive methods than to nagging and complaining. People who don't have a lot of internal self discipline tend to respond better to external disciplining methods, which is what this chart provides. Eventually those good habits will become engrained in him, but it will take awhile. Make compliance a fun thing, and don't nag. If there is a general lack of respect towards you, and it's not just a matter of poor living habits, then I would suggest you see a counselor to work on that attitude. I've implemented a chore chart with my family at times when I thought we needed the extra incentive with living habits or in order to change behavior, and my husband, myself, and my kids were all expected to participate with the chart. It can work, even for adults.

[Mr. Lucky]

Peeing all over the floor is disgusting, as well as peeing in the shower when one is not showering.

Does that mean peeing in the shower when one is showering is OK? I always thought the toilet and shower were two separate things for a reason ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[TigerCub]

I guess that's why it's beneficial to live with someone before marrying them.

[ForeverHopeful1]

Even if you didn't live with him prior to marrying him, you MUST have seen his room or apartment at some point while dating, right? You sound like you married someone you never met before. Lol. I could be wrong... Strange things happen these days. I dated my hubby for a long time before marriage. We moved in together after 2 years & 3 months of dating. I knew him well before moving out with him but knew him a lot better after we lived together.

 

I have never so much as seen him clean the bathroom in 9 years. He also aims when he pees, doesn't pee in our shower, doesn't pee on the floor and certainly not his own feet then to trudge through the house with them, doesn't leave hair all over the sink, etc... I don't mow the lawn. Fair trade! Lol. Just because he doesn't clean the bathroom doesn't mean I have to do everything. He cleans everything else, cooks, does laundry, sews things that need mending, etc...we both do things around the house. I hate mowing the lawn. He hates cleaning the bathroom. Fair.

 

What were things like prior to marriage? I mean, he could not have turned into a slob after marrying you.

[Nyla]

Does that mean peeing in the shower when one is showering is OK? I always thought the toilet and shower were two separate things for a reason ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

No, it isn't okay to pee in the shower at any time. I've been known to jump out of the shower to pee in the toilet.

 

I can understand someone peeing in the shower while the water is running, so at least the urine is washed down the drain.

[Eggplant]

That's infuriating. I'd just stop cleaning up after him. Let the place go to ****

[Nyla]

That's infuriating. I'd just stop cleaning up after him. Let the place go to ****

 

The OP doesn't seem like the kind of person who can tolerate filth, so this option wouldn't work for her.

 

Based on her other post, it seems that her husband is used to his mother cleaning up every mess for him.

 

OP, what made you decide to marry this man?

[Almond_Joy]

If he responds to you angry, I mean when you're really pissed, maybe you should try getting pissed. My bf is very messy and I've compromised by letting some things go. But there are certain habits of uncleanliness I absolutely cannot tolerate. I told him this before we moved in together. My boyfriend does not want to deal with me when I'm angry so he abides by the conditions I set on those particular things.

 

If you'd been with your bf at his place before you lived together and never said anything about how he keeps his house I don't see why he would change now. You knew how he was before you lived together didn't you?

 

I do agree there's a lack of respect for you on his part. If he is neglectful or ignoring your concerns in other aspects of the relationship you may want to considering ending the relationship, as the problem will be something that extends beyond having a dirty house.

[pink_sugar]

I have the same issue with my husband. He constantly has to be prompted to clean up. It drives me nuts that he cannot assert himself and clean up when things need to be cleaned. It's like dealing with an overgrown child. I keep tellin him he really needs to do his part to clean up, because it will eventually get tiring.

[Jonah]

Today was my day off. A rainy day so I stayed in and picked up around the house all day... organizing, hanging pictures. The chicken is in the marinade and the vegetables are all chopped up for the stir fry. I will put it on close to when my W gets done with her workout. It's be a snap to rinse the dishes off and put them in the dishwasher. With stir-fry, only one big wok to wash. I have some movies ready on the home theater... maybe we will watch one over dinner.

[2sure]

Take the rug out of the bathroom. It's a piss mop.

Why on earth would you get ivory couches when your husband requires work boots ...I'm guessing his job requires dirt of some kind. you need leather couches.

 

Teach him how to vacuum.

 

If he pees in the shower again, pee in a cup and pour it on his car seat. Explain that's where you like to go now.

[Almond_Joy]

....would you really want to start a battle like that with someone who a) doesn't mind living like a pig and b) has no respect for her?

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he took something like that as a power play and tried to one up her with something even more disgusting than his regular living habits. That's the only reason I didn't mention retaliation like that.

[tbf]

First two posts were two threads complaining about your husband and his crazy mother. Get a divorce. You're a very unhappy woman, especially considering how this is the first year of marriage. Can't imagine how hellish it will be for everyone after five years.

[Eve]

Wow OP.. the things you have described H as doing are revolting!

 

Only one suggestion really. Invest in a few gadgets. Gadgets are always a good means of inspiring people. Steam cleaners are good in this regard. Give H specific duties with it, such as cleaning the carpets. Work it so that it seems to have been all his idea to get the gadget.

 

My H tried to get away with not helping around the house but that didn't last long as he grew to understand that it really bothered me, so he changed.

 

If I had my life again, I would just hire someone to do the cleaning from the onset - life is too short.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BetheButterfly]

I guess that's why it's beneficial to live with someone before marrying them.

 

I knew my husband was a clean and orderly person before marrying/living with him. It was obvious just by his habits and going to his house.

 

One of many things that greatly impressed me about him is his habits even when at restaurants, friends' houses, and church. He always keeps things clean and does what needs to be done. People don't even need to ask him; he takes charge and does what he sees needs cleaned/put up/put in order.

 

When a person has that kind of habit, it can be seen even without living with that person.

 

OP,

 

It's important to understand that it's really hard changing someone else's habits. It's impossible really unless that person wants to change. I think it'd be good to go to counseling and also, to establish firm boundaries.

 

As for yelling and fighting with him because of how he messes up the house, most people don't react well to that. It rather just gives the home a messy and unloving atmosphere.

 

I have been in a few houses where everything was immaculate, but the tension could be cut with a knife, due to the mean words spoken. The lack of peace, joy, and love was deafening and more harmful than a mess. So, it's really important to clean both the atmosphere, as well as the house.

[Fugu]

My wife and I clean up after each other sometimes. We're neither neat freaks nor slobs. Fortunately, we realized this before we got married and we've been able to avoid arguments about exactly when something needs to be cleaned up. We usually clean up when we know we're going to be gone and when we sense that leaving a dish or two would end up being a burden to the first person who returns home.

 

OP, I think you've obviously made your point and he's obviously not listening. Is this something that has gotten worse, or was it always this bad? I am guessing that he might have always been this way to a degree, but that he might have been on at least better behavior when you all were dating. Now that you're married, maybe he's just decided to let things go.

 

What bothers me about your first post is that it's venomous. I can sense vitriol there, and that's no way to carry on in a marriage. Anyone can identify with frustration, but it's at the point where you no longer respect your partner. You might be justified for not respecting his sloppy habits, but to write about him as you have, it speaks of a contempt for the person. I would make a suggestion on how to possibly influence his behavior, but I think you're past that point. Once you have contempt for someone, it's over.

[2sure]

I would take back my serial cheating ex husband if the alternative was to live with a man who wouldnt use a toilet properly.

[tbf]

I would take back my serial cheating ex husband if the alternative was to live with a man who wouldnt use a toilet properly.

If I were to guess, you'd make him wear pull-ups.

[MissBee]

I guess that's why it's beneficial to live with someone before marrying them.

 

Even if you don't live with them, you can tell how they live if you've been together for a while and do sleep overs or spend extended periods of time with them at their house/in their living space.

 

If he is that gross I can't imagine if she's ever slept over, spent a week/weekend with him, several times, that she didn't notice. I doubt he could pretend for that long.

[dreamingoftigers]

I would take back my serial cheating ex husband if the alternative was to live with a man who wouldnt use a toilet properly.

 

I used to clean homes for a living.

 

There was one where they couldn't seem to aim. Two teenage boys AND the father. (Father's private washroom, YUCK).

 

Every two weeks, would would get plastic shields and clean the ORANGE pee off of the floor and base of the toilets.

 

Honestly, it became too much. We packed it in.

 

One shouldn't have to bring a change of clothes and shower directly after cleaning a washroom!

[Eve]

I still don't get the random peeing in the shower!

 

Who does that?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Fugu]

I still don't get the random peeing in the shower!

 

Who does that?

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

If someone has bad aim, maybe peeing in the shower isn't such a bad deal, provided they step up and scrub the tub afterwards. I'm guessing that's not what's likely to happen, though.

[Eve]

If someone has bad aim, maybe peeing in the shower isn't such a bad deal, provided they step up and scrub the tub afterwards. I'm guessing that's not what's likely to happen, though.

 

LOL, you are good to even TRY to stretch your imagination to contemplate why anyone would use the shower instead of the toilet, like deliberately. Furthest I got was if someone has had surgery and they can't sit down but men don't sit down to wee wee.

 

My H wouldn't dare pull any of that ****. I would have him checked for a brain tumour if he did.

 

What do you even say to your partner when they do things like that?

 

'Honey, can you clean up the piss you did earlier in the shower please'

 

WHAT? Acclimatising onself to anything like that is a form of self harm. I tried to be calm about this but no, it is actually disgusting.

 

Take care,

Eve x