What do they expect? (OM/ OW)

[mudobber]

Hi, I am kind of new here, so I am, needing some insight.

 

I read some of this OM OW group, and I wonder two things.

 

1. Why the posts from MM cheating and “I want to cheat” type stuff? Doesn’t that stuff belong in the other forums?

 

2. I get confused when I read the messages from OM, OW whining about being hurt and angry and all that. I can’t figure out what they expected. It seams that one would see the “Dead End” sign there on the entryway.

 

Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom here.

[julsfla]

Well, I am still fairly new to this site, and have not started any threads, I have replied to several and read many.

 

I am a MW, whose husband cheated, that is how I came to LS, and while I certainly do not agree with cheating or having a relationship with a MM, this is not the case for everyone.

 

The people you refer to also need a place to go to vent, and talk to people who understand their feelings and joy or pain. Here they can talk to others who are or have been in their shoes and (usually) not be judged or put down. They should not be!

 

I was very impressed with the respect for others and the large variety of opinions and advice here. I may not agree with everything that is written here, but I also know I dont have to read those posts.

 

This is a site about relationships, all kinds, not just ones I agree with. We all have to have a place to vent, release our feelings, and for some, this is the only place they can do that and know that someone understands what they are going through, and come away feeling better having gotten it off their chest.

 

So unless I see a thread titled I am the O/W and want the honest opinion of a wife who has been cheated on, I will leave it to them, and not read those threads, and if I do, I will just keep to "If I cant say anything nice, I will not say anything at all"

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by mudobber

Hi, I am kind of new here, so I am, needing some insight.

 

I read some of this OM OW group, and I wonder two things.

 

1. Why the posts from MM cheating and “I want to cheat” type stuff? Doesn’t that stuff belong in the other forums?

 

2. I get confused when I read the messages from OM, OW whining about being hurt and angry and all that. I can’t figure out what they expected. It seams that one would see the “Dead End” sign there on the entryway.

 

Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom here.

 

It seems to me that until you've been in that situation, you'll remain confused.

[Matilda]

I've been posting here for about 6 months, and like you, at first I was confused about why the OW/OM didn't see the obvious and just move on. But, after reading lots of posts from OW, I realized that they were in a difficult situation. And just like a lot of other people who get in difficult situations, and they like to talk about it with someone else who understands. I know that a lot of other people, myself included here, get themselves into obviously bad situations. It's not only OW/OM who do that.

 

And it kills me when someone comes to this forum and posts about how what the OW/OM are doing is very wrong, and how it is never going anywhere, blah, blah, blah. Well, you know, the OW/OM may be making some bad choices, but I don't think they are so stupid that they don't realize the situation they are in isn't the greatest. They probably don't need someone to come in here and point out the obvious. (BTW, I'm not saying I think that's what you are doing.)

 

I agree with Spock, that unless you are or have been in the situation, you won't understand. I know I don't really understand, and I still don't think it's right, but I've certainly backed away from being so judgmental about the people involved in the situation.

[mudobber]

Um, the “dead end sign” phrase was a bad one. Let me start over.

 

I’m not saying anyone is doing anything wrong, and I can certainly understand if the MM MW was lying which I am sure happens all the time.

 

To be specific, a seductress that grows attached. I don’t understand how one could grow attached to someone who is married to someone else. Unless of course the married person is stringing the OM OW along.

 

Now the OM guy that said he would give the MW space if she needs it… hey, that I can understand. I can just here him saying: “yea babe, take all the time you need, just give me a call if you need me.”

 

It just seams to me that the OM OW has cake and eats it too and doesn’t have to worry about much. I realize that people need emotional attachments. But if one is lonely, isn’t part time love better than no love at all? Hey, at least you got laid a few times… and sex is lots of fun.

 

That said, I wish to make clear that I feel that stringing a lonely person along is a very cruel thing to do. And if any of you other M or W types received that type of treatment, you have my condolences.

[2Confuzed]

Don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes

[MMBastard]

I agree with all replies.......I used to think people involved in these relationships were weak, screwed up idiots.........until i got involved in one and i couldn't help myself......now all prejudice is gone and I have nothing but love for all people out here......

 

I also thought people getting involved in these relationships were dumb, shallow idiots.....nobody of at least average intelligence would go that route......well, i'm of way above average intelligence, very career and financially successfull..... and it just kicked my ass..................BIG TIME.

[mudobber]

Originally posted by 2Confuzed

Don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes

 

I have been dazed, I have been confused. And I have never walked in your shoes.

 

But I will judge you 2Confuzed! I hereby judge you as dazed and WAY too confused because you either didn't comprehend, or more likly didn't read that the original post of the thread was a question, not a judgement.

[2Confuzed]

Originally posted by mudobber

 

2. I get confused when I read the messages from OM, OW whining about being hurt and angry and all that. I can’t figure out what they expected. It seams that one would see the “Dead End” sign there on the entryway.

 

 

Actually, you did judge. Why are we "whining" you think that "one would see the Dead End sign" It sounds like you are saying that we are stupid and should've known better. Do you really think that we planned to get involved with a MM/MW? The answer is no. You would say that because you have never been in that situation. Again, don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes.

[Shiraz]

Did you know your husband was cheating? Did you feel something inside.

 

I will tell you something to. I am an OW, I can't believe I"ve done this, but Ihave. I think about his wife every day. I have for the last three years. My heart bleeds for her. SOmetimes I want to tell her. I know they would never break up, but I feel she has a right to know. But in the same breath, I'm hurting her enough,....

 

I can't understand how she doesn't suspect a thing after three years.

[2Confuzed]

I know exactly what you mean. I don't understand how wives don't see the signs or become suspicious. Maybe they are just ignoring the truth.

[Shiraz]

I have read a lot of stories from the wives and yesterday one put tears in my eyes. They love their man, and they put blame on themselves. Which I don't think is right either. A lot want to hold the family together. What can I say, women are the glue of the families.