The Case For Marriage Focused Cohabitation.

[pink_sugar]

I guess a lot of people come up with liability reasons for cohabitation versus marrying right away. There is a lot of legal liability in terms of marriage and a decision that should be taken seriously if you get involved with the wrong person or they turn out not to be who you expected them to be. My brother and his fiancee have been living together for practically 5 years...engaged for almost 2. I know if it weren't for his fiancee pushing him, I'm pretty sure he could go without being married, which isn't fair for her.

[Radu]

Over here coabitation before marriage is seen as the woman being stupid and the man being smart.

In fact, coabitation is a dirty word, it can be insulting to the woman to suggest it.

Afterall, why would a man buy the cow when he can get the milk for free ?

 

My parents moved in together after 2yrs and a bit, but already engaged.

My sister coabitates but i don't think it will end up in marriage [been together for 8-9yrs now].

 

I know of cases where the woman got royally screwed by the guy in question, 12yrs together, no marriage and with time convinced her to forget kids and be ok with having something on the side; but i also know of cases where coabitation was a test.

Here, if you get engaged, and you then later call off the wedding if the preparations have started, you are liable for damages, over the incurred costs.

 

For me, engagement is a promise of marriage.

It means that i know we can be together, so might as well start planning the wedding.

But i also know that untill you live together for a while, and you face the little things that will annoy one another [and there will always be these things], you don't know if it will work.

For me, coabitation is a trial period, to see if this will work.

Doesn't have to take yrs, doesn't have to be long, but it has to be.

Mostly because i don't plan on getting married a 2nd time.

 

PS: Kids out of wedlock is a major no-no for me.

I don't want them out of wedlock.

Edited April 25, 2013 by Radu

[man_in_the_box]

We're cohabitating - I'm considering whether or not the relationship has "succeeded" by whether we are happy together and looking forward to continuing staying together - not by whether we are married or not.

[BetheButterfly]

BTB, correct me if I am wrong but aren't you married?

 

Yes I am married. I thought you knew that.

 

I didn't live with my husband before we got married due to our spiritual beliefs. It's not though because I think a marriage certificate is so vital... I could care less about a marriage certificate saying I'm married. We only got the marriage certificate because that's what is expected of us to do, not because we think it's so important.

 

What is important to me is the promises I made to my husband and he made to me, but we could have made those promises without being registered by the government as married. We didn't need the government's permission to make those promises to each other.

 

Those who say that marriage is only a piece of paper do not realize all the benefits of being married. There are financial, legal and emotional advantages that cohabiting couples just don't get.

The financial and legal advantages are all because our modern society has just made a big business out of marriage and divorces. It is one thing that scares many people from getting married, cause they know it could cost them their hearts, their homes, and much of their livelihoods.

 

Because of this, while I agree with you that due to society today, there are financial and legal advantages to being registered by the government as married, there are also huge disadvantages when the couple decides to break up. Because around 50% of first marriages end in divorce, for many people marriage understandably is a scary endeavor.

 

 

I have a friend who thought that marriage was just a piece of paper, until he lived with a woman for ten years and she died of colon cancer. Her family tried to keep my friend away from the money his girlfriend left him, by saying he was a just a boarder. If they were married, there is no way his in-laws could have proved their ridiculous allegations.

This lady didn't have her will done with specific instructions for money for her boyfriend? I'm not an expert on wills, but I thought that people can decide to whom they will leave money and write that in their wills, and those wills are to be respected? I have heard for example of people who are mad with their families and write their families out of their will, and the families can't do anything about that?

 

Commitment can occur on the levels that the couple is happiest with.

Agreed!

 

Living together as a married couple means far more than just a marriage licence, in the eyes of most people who are married.

Agreed. For me, a marriage license however does not make a marriage either good or bad, nor does it prove that the couple will stay married, obviously due to all the divorces.

 

A wedding is a party, but it is also a religious rite in some cases and the joining together of two families. This is why parents and extended family are often deeply offended if a couple elopes.

Yeah to me our wedding was a religious rite and yep, a joining together of 2 families. Great way to put it!

 

I think one of the reasons though why I'm not a big fan of registering with the government is because I have been married before, to the wrong man, and found out what a money-leeching thing divorce is.

 

I was a virgin when I married my first husband. We didn't live together until our honeymoon. I was 23 and we were married for almost 5 years. We were both miserable though because we had different expectations and we were both immature in different areas. So, it's possible that gave me a jaded view on marriage licenses as well as divorce. That left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

 

It was only after I started growing in my spiritual beliefs that I realized the value in marriage is not in the marriage license, but is rather in the promises made and in keeping our word.

 

I failed the first marriage (and believe it wasn't meant to be anyways), but in my marriage with my husband now, I pray and work to honor our promises to each other. While we didn't live together before marriage either, I do understand why some couples do. In my first post, I was writing about how I do "understand about cohabitation that is built on Love and Faithfulness, instead of on a marriage license."

[Nyla]

Yes I am married. I thought you knew that.

 

I didn't live with my husband before we got married due to our spiritual beliefs. It's not though because I think a marriage certificate is so vital... I could care less about a marriage certificate saying I'm married. We only got the marriage certificate because that's what is expected of us to do, not because we think it's so important.

 

What is important to me is the promises I made to my husband and he made to me, but we could have made those promises without being registered by the government as married. We didn't need the government's permission to make those promises to each other.

 

The financial and legal advantages are all because our modern society has just made a big business out of marriage and divorces. It is one thing that scares many people from getting married, cause they know it could cost them their hearts, their homes, and much of their livelihoods.

 

Because of this, while I agree with you that due to society today, there are financial and legal advantages to being registered by the government as married, there are also huge disadvantages when the couple decides to break up. Because around 50% of first marriages end in divorce, for many people marriage understandably is a scary endeavor.

 

 

This lady didn't have her will done with specific instructions for money for her boyfriend? I'm not an expert on wills, but I thought that people can decide to whom they will leave money and write that in their wills, and those wills are to be respected? I have heard for example of people who are mad with their families and write their families out of their will, and the families can't do anything about that?

 

Agreed!

 

Agreed. For me, a marriage license however does not make a marriage either good or bad, nor does it prove that the couple will stay married, obviously due to all the divorces.

 

Yeah to me our wedding was a religious rite and yep, a joining together of 2 families. Great way to put it!

 

I think one of the reasons though why I'm not a big fan of registering with the government is because I have been married before, to the wrong man, and found out what a money-leeching thing divorce is.

 

I was a virgin when I married my first husband. We didn't live together until our honeymoon. I was 23 and we were married for almost 5 years. We were both miserable though because we had different expectations and we were both immature in different areas. So, it's possible that gave me a jaded view on marriage licenses as well as divorce. That left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

 

It was only after I started growing in my spiritual beliefs that I realized the value in marriage is not in the marriage license, but is rather in the promises made and in keeping our word.

 

I failed the first marriage (and believe it wasn't meant to be anyways), but in my marriage with my husband now, I pray and work to honor our promises to each other. While we didn't live together before marriage either, I do understand why some couples do. In my first post, I was writing about how I do "understand about cohabitation that is built on Love and Faithfulness, instead of on a marriage license."

 

The woman left instructions but the family tried to overrule them. Very sad situation, especially since my friend was there for his girlfriend the whole time she was sick. He was about to break up with her, but when his girlfriend said she had cancer my friend could not turn his back. The point I was making is that if marriage was just a piece of paper, my friend would not have gone through that ordeal.

 

Please don't say you "failed" your first marriage, BTB. It just wasn't meant to be and now you found a man that you feel much happier with. Your first marriage was a good learning experience and now you can take the lessons you've learned and apply it to your new marriage.

[BetheButterfly]

The woman left instructions but the family tried to overrule them. Very sad situation, especially since my friend was there for his girlfriend the whole time she was sick. He was about to break up with her, but when his girlfriend said she had cancer my friend could not turn his back. The point I was making is that if marriage was just a piece of paper, my friend would not have gone through that ordeal.

 

Ah ok. That was very caring of him to stay with her to take care of her.

 

It is sad that the family tried to overrule the woman's instructions. That's not cool.

 

 

Please don't say you "failed" your first marriage, BTB.

 

Well, it is true.

 

It just wasn't meant to be and now you found a man that you feel much happier with.

 

True I think one of the reasons we (both I and my ex) failed is because it wasn't meant to be.

 

Your first marriage was a good learning experience and now you can take the lessons you've learned and apply it to your new marriage.

 

Yeah. That's a great way of looking at it and I have learned a lot. Thanks Nyla!

[DayJ]

Afterall, why would a man buy the cow when he can get the milk for free ?

Exactly!

PS: Kids out of wedlock is a major no-no for me.

I don't want them out of wedlock.

I have to agree with this one at least for me anyway.

 

The financial and legal advantages are all because our modern society has just made a big business out of marriage and divorces. It is one thing that scares many people from getting married, cause they know it could cost them their hearts, their homes, and much of their livelihoods.

 

Because of this, while I agree with you that due to society today, there are financial and legal advantages to being registered by the government as married, there are also huge disadvantages when the couple decides to break up. Because around 50% of first marriages end in divorce, for many people marriage understandably is a scary endeavor.

 

It really isn't just our modern society today though it has always been like that my grandparents and before them now unless you mean ancient times. but going back a few years or generations and so on they had their wedding certificates and what not specially by the church back in the days and that was anything BUT a modern society. They still had to register and what not, If things didnt work out they still had the whole "what belongs to what or whom" so it really isnt much modern now as it was back then its the same idea of marriage, depending on the country of course but the tradition is the same idea just times change and they have twist laws a bit differently now to protect people in what is rightfully theirs. its just that some people try to make it seem they want to be different or do it in a different way to break that but its the same, and if it works thats perfect and beautiful, some people get married all traditional and it doesn't work out as well as people that just stay without marrying and it doesnt work out either however to some it does so it really depends on their relationship it doesn't matter how you label it.