Why do I always attract married women

[ViresSanctity]

If some users here recall, I had an affair with a married woman not too long ago. The drama came and the break up happened.

 

 

Now at my new work, working at a blood bank, I find myself in the middle of another struggle. A married co-worker who I find very pretty, but only to look at and not want to think about affairing with, has been giving me some vibes.

 

She's the only attractive person there, and I can't keep my mouth shut when I see a pretty woman. I told her it's nice that she curls her hair every morning now, and how it matches the rest of her looks.

 

Since then she has been giving me obvious attraction signals. Coming by my work area everyday to chat and getting occasionally yelled at for neglecting work. Eying me and smiling at me all the time. Going out of her way to give me awkward hellos and byes.

 

I'm already getting scared and thinking of sending in my resignation. I know I'm attracted to her too and while I can't say that I'll end up doing anything with her, my last affair with a married woman was too painful. Probably one of the most painful experiences in my life next to my sister's passing away. I can't risk it. I especially don't want drama in an environment like this.

 

Is it worth leaving work for or am I just solving a temporary problem to run into another problem like this at a new work anywhere I go?

[ThatJustHappened]

How about employing some self control and just not engaging with her. Be professional. Come on..does your d*ck control your brain?

[whichwayisup]

If some users here recall, I had an affair with a married woman not too long ago. The drama came and the break up happened.

 

 

Now at my new work, working at a blood bank, I find myself in the middle of another struggle. A married co-worker who I find very pretty, but only to look at and not want to think about affairing with, has been giving me some vibes.

 

She's the only attractive person there, and I can't keep my mouth shut when I see a pretty woman. I told her it's nice that she curls her hair every morning now, and how it matches the rest of her looks.

 

Since then she has been giving me obvious attraction signals. Coming by my work area everyday to chat and getting occasionally yelled at for neglecting work. Eying me and smiling at me all the time. Going out of her way to give me awkward hellos and byes.

 

I'm already getting scared and thinking of sending in my resignation. I know I'm attracted to her too and while I can't say that I'll end up doing anything with her, my last affair with a married woman was too painful. Probably one of the most painful experiences in my life next to my sister's passing away. I can't risk it. I especially don't want drama in an environment like this.

 

Is it worth leaving work for or am I just solving a temporary problem to run into another problem like this at a new work anywhere I go?

 

You need to learn some boundries when it comes to women who are married or in long term relationships. You are creating the drama just as much as it follows you.

[Praying4Peace]

Because you're flirting with her???

[ViresSanctity]

How can you not see that you are feeding her attraction?

 

You give her compliments, you laugh and talk with her. She is responding to WHAT YOU ARE DOING. She sees potential because your actions aren't telling her she shouldn't.

 

I don't feed an attraction if I'm not interested in it, why would you? Ego strokes perhaps? Does it make you feel desired and more special to have a mw show an interest in you? Where is your responsibility to not cultivate the interest she is showing?

 

What we feed is the thing that grows, you are feeding it. Own it!

 

Yeah I've heard from people when I've shared my problem they think it's an Ego stroking issue.

 

I definitely don't want that kind of attention. It's embarrassing to be in that position and people knowing she likes me. I don't want them to judge and think something's going on. I don't even return her smiles or glances after the first time.

 

I work with women's hair outside the voluteer service I do at the blood bank, and being around women all the time has turned me into a sort of a woman. I see something nice about them and I compliment it without thinking.

 

I know that I find part of the attraction has to do with age. Every since I broke up with my girlfriend of 19 years old, I've been attracted to older women. The older attractive women who take care of themselves are usually married. I find the little wrinkles around their eyes beautiful.

 

Oh and I have a soft spot for really nice people. She is very sweet and nice to all her donors she works on.

Edited April 19, 2013 by ViresSanctity

[whichwayisup]

Just because you work with women doesn't mean to have to fall for them!

 

Have basic genuine respect for those who are married or in a relationship. One can be nice and friendly without crossing the line.

 

There are plenty of older single women looking for young women. You just gotta keep an eye out for them..And as SOON as you see a ring or find out that woman is married, don't bother putting any energy into her.

[AnotherRound]

To the OP - Maybe you just attract "women"??? It just so happens that most women are married?

 

My only advice would be to steer clear - simply bc it adds a whole other hassle into a relationship - and relationships are hard enough as they are imo (50% divorce rate or something like that?). I think the goal for all of us should be to have as little complications in our relationships as possible... so, married folks would NOT fit that requirement...

Edited April 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ViresSanctity]

Just because you work with women doesn't mean to have to fall for them!

 

Have basic genuine respect for those who are married or in a relationship. One can be nice and friendly without crossing the line.

 

There are plenty of older single women looking for young women. You just gotta keep an eye out for them..And as SOON as you see a ring or find out that woman is married, don't bother putting any energy into her.

 

The fear of falling for one is a small part of the issue. It's the reminder of a married woman I used to know that pains me most. It's an automatic rejection from my body like a mismatched blood type.

[ViresSanctity]

It's at times like this that the saying "Don't sh*t where you eat" is appropriate...

 

Yes. Quite so.

 

To the OP - Maybe you just attract "women"??? It just so happens that most women are married?

 

My only advice would be to steer clear - simply bc it adds a whole other hassle into a relationship - and relationships are hard enough as they are imo (50% divorce rate or something like that?). I think the goal for all of us should be to have as little complications in our relationships as possible... so, married folks would NOT fit that requirement...

 

I completely agree.

[ViresSanctity]

It is rather simple, the two of you seek external validation . MWs that seek external validation flirt much more than single women that do not seek external validation.

 

And you love the attention, it gives you a high and hence you respond. I guess your dad never warned you to stay away from married women. I had a ton of EAs with married co-workers. You are correct it is all about ego stroking and it is mutual.

 

You will also find that when a MW is on the move she can be more receptive than a single woman.

 

My dad married one woman at 18 and is still with her after 42 years. He doesn't know how to give dating advice.

 

Part of me likes the attention but a huge part flinches at the thought of getting it and going through all that.

 

I see how MW are now and I don't feel like it feeds my ego much more. Thank you.

[KathyM]

You need to set stronger boundaries for yourself and not cross them with married women. That means you don't flirt with them, you don't give them too personal compliments, such as their appearance, you don't have private or intimate conversations with them, you don't bare your soul with them, you don't invite them out to lunch or whatever one-on-one. In other words, don't feed their attraction and don't create an attraction by giving them too much attention.

[sunshine6]

Yeah I've heard from people when I've shared my problem they think it's an Ego stroking issue.

 

I definitely don't want that kind of attention. It's embarrassing to be in that position and people knowing she likes me. I don't want them to judge and think something's going on. I don't even return her smiles or glances after the first time.

 

I work with women's hair outside the voluteer service I do at the blood bank, and being around women all the time has turned me into a sort of a woman. I see something nice about them and I compliment it without thinking.

 

I know that I find part of the attraction has to do with age. Every since I broke up with my girlfriend of 19 years old, I've been attracted to older women. The older attractive women who take care of themselves are usually married. I find the little wrinkles around their eyes beautiful.

 

Oh and I have a soft spot for really nice people. She is very sweet and nice to all her donors she works on.

 

As a woman, I know that I way overthink and analyze every little thing a potential interested man does. I try to determine if his actions are speaking one way or another. She could be hanging on to that compliment as validation that you definitely have some feeling or attraction for her. As many of us marrieds know, these kinds of compliments get lost in our everyday relationships with our spouses and when given from an attractive outsider can trigger a need we didn't maybe know we had. Then we chase the source providing that need so we can get more of it. Just speaking a bit from my personal experience with a MM situation.