Help!

[Logan]

I've come to the conclution that no matter what I do I'm in the wrong, I have a girlfriend who has trouble letting go of the bad things that have happened to her in the past, almost a year ago we broke up then got back together, she now claims she's to insecure about our relationship, that talking it out is pointless, in fact it pisses her off! So I now find myself in a position where I'm torn between trying and only dealing with her past and present insecurities(with no room for my problems) or being alone. I love her very much but it doesn't stop anything, she's so emotional and i'm well....not. When she gets upset she'll throw a fit like a child in the sooper market, and I'm basicly stolid so I don't know what to do. I can't carry her cross, when I haven't even begun to pick up my own.She needs my whole being and I don't know if I can sacrafice all that I am in order to help her the way she needs to be helped. Any advice?

[Tony T]

It's simply not your job to be your girlfriend's psychotherapist. She needs to deal with her problems herself...that's her responsibility.

 

If you feel bogged down in her crap, it's time to move on. Healthy relationships can only transpire between two people who are relatively happy and who have healed from all their hang ups and baggage.

 

Your lady needs some down time to deal with her past issues and to get her life straight before she can be in a relationship and hope to make someone happy.

 

It sounds like the two of you are very incompatible. Why would you want to remain in a relationship where you are obviously not happy? Assuming you have done your best to work on this and those efforts failed, expending more energy in this regard seems unproductive.

[Deejette]

She sounds like she is so deep into her problems that she can't think about how they are affecting your relationship. You are not there to fix her life for her. You couldn't anyway, even if you tried. She has to be the one to exorcise her past demons.

 

Tony is right, you are not her shrink, nor are you responsible for what is going on inside her head. You cannot reach in there to fix it. All you can do is stand by and let her know you will be there for her as she comes to terms with her past.

 

But, if it becomes such an obstacle in the relationship that the whole thing is a struggle and you aren't having as much happiness as you need, it might be time to step back and let her figure out how much the relationship means to her and what she has to do to live with her past.

It's simply not your job to be your girlfriend's psychotherapist. She needs to deal with her problems herself...that's her responsibility. If you feel bogged down in her crap, it's time to move on. Healthy relationships can only transpire between two people who are relatively happy and who have healed from all their hang ups and baggage. Your lady needs some down time to deal with her past issues and to get her life straight before she can be in a relationship and hope to make someone happy. It sounds like the two of you are very incompatible. Why would you want to remain in a relationship where you are obviously not happy? Assuming you have done your best to work on this and those efforts failed, expending more energy in this regard seems unproductive.