wiltingbutterfly Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 About 7 months ago I went to spend the night with one of my friends. I ended up coming home in the middle of the night (my bf wasn't expecting me) Upon arriving at my home I found a bag of home made videos sitting by the VCR. Wondering what they were and why the showed up while I was gone, I popped them in and took a peek while my BF was sleeping. To my horror they were videos of him and another woman prior to us being together. I didn't watch them long enough to actually see her face. I threw a HUGE fit since I assumed he was masturbating to them and he promised he threw them away. I also asked him who the chick was and he told me her name was Michelle. I had asked him several times if he had thrown them away and he said yes. I am now 7 months pregnant with twins. The other day I had to get something out of his tool box and came across those videos again plus a new box of condoms.........This time I popped the videos in long enough to see the womans face. It is his friends wife Amanda NOT Michelle! I always thought Amanda was a little friendlier than she should be with my BF and now I know why. They used to have sex! I am so pissed! He swore he threw away those videos months ago...if so, how the hell did they end up back in his tool box? So, I asked him if he had thrown away those videos and again he said yes and I asked him who the chick was and he said Michelle...I then came unglued and explained to him that I found the videos, know its not Michelle and that I also found a box of condoms. He said he has been too busy and forgot to throw the videos away. He said the condoms weren't because he is cheating on me but because he uses them to masturbate. He told me that he wears them so that he doesn't make a mess. Is anyone else finding this hard to believe? I am CRUSHED! Does all of this sound like BS to anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 Are you sure he made the video with Amanda BEFORE he was with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 18, 2004 Author Share Posted September 18, 2004 Yes I am sure. It was in his apartment and it was arranged very differently than it was when I met him. He has been living with me for over a year now. I AM SO DISGUSTED. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 I agree that you should be hurt and disgusted. AFter all, he kept them even after you asked him to get rid of them. I would be VERY hurt if my saw my bf having sex with another girl, even if it was in a video that was recorded yars ago. I think you need to talk to him about how it makes you feel, and see how he reacts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 18, 2004 Author Share Posted September 18, 2004 It does hurt me to see those videos and it makes my skin crawl to think that he probably was watching them in my abcesnce. But the thing that is really bothering me is the condoms. I don't know what to think. Not to mention the fact that I am pregnant with twins so I am not looking as nice as I did 7 months ago. I feel very unattractive at this point. I am on strict bedrest and only allowed to get out of bed to take a shower once a day and use the bathroom as needed. I have all day to lay in bed and go over this in my head over and over and over. I don't know if I should believe him about the condoms. It just doesn't sound right. How many men actually use condoms to masturbate? I don't believe I have ever met any...... Link to post Share on other sites
lohrewok Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 The condoms & videos in a tool box huh.... obviously his porn stash. But no I've never heard of a man using a condom for masturbating. I think he is just feeding you a line. I'm so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
confused_as_usual Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Although I always want to believe the best, I have a hard time believing he uses the condoms for that purpose. Stop to think about it. They aren't cheap. A tissue would work better. I am sorry to have to say this. Link to post Share on other sites
KimberleySC Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Things would be much easier if you weren't pregnant with twins- man, you are in one tough situation. One thing no one else mentioned in their posts is this.......why did he videotape he and his "friend's" wife having sex? Does his friend (the husband) know? Does this girl know he videotaped the two of them having sex? Why is he watching that porn tape and not some random porno movie? Men can use some pretty lame excuses when they're caught being naughty. Using condoms to masturbate sounds like one of them. You have every right to be upset, angry and suspicious. But what are you going to do? Dump him? He's the father of the twins right? Why were you going out to spend the night with a friend and not staying at home with your boyfriend (being pregnant and all). Just curious. My exhusband promised me he'd throw his porn away after we got married. We got married - I found new porn stash that was worse than what he looked at before we got married. I went out and bought a magazine that showed nothing but muscular guys with huge hard-ons. Left it where he could find it and he was furious, hurt and upset - demanded I get rid of the magazine and he accused me of cheating on him!!!! HA! What a double standard. Funny how when the tables were turned it was no longer such a thrill for him to jack off to porn! He keeps asking me why I needed to look at hunky guys with large penises when I had him. Ain't that funny? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 I was spending the night at my girlfriends house who lives about and hour and a half away. I couldn't sleep though so I decided to drive home. My boyfriend is the father of my twins. I don't know why he taped himself having sex with his friends wife but I know she was aware of it. The husband doesn't know about it though. I have been thinking about sending him a copy. That is how pissed off I am. I actually think it would be even funnier to send her a copy and then wait a few weeks to send her husband one....that way she could sit there and worry about when her husband might get one. I know it sounds really mean and that is why I have not done it yet. The skank could have taken off her wedding ring while taping nasty videos. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 What a minute.....the girl he was having sex with in the video was married to your mans friend while they were having sex?! Wow, that is dirty....I would definately have a talk with him. I know you're angry, disgusted, and hurt. I know that you being pregnant with his children makes it even worse. I think that you should definately tell the girls husband. It wouldn't be so bad if she was single while they were having sex but married to him? I know if my boyfriend/husband was cheating on me I would want to know. And it's even better that you have the evidence to prove it. Oh, and if every man bought condoms to masturbate with, the condom industry would be booming a lot better then it is now. I would say that was a lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Condoms to masturbate, so he doesn't make a mess? *cough bulls!t cough* To begin with, I have yet to meet one single guy that likes to use condoms even when it really REALLY is necessary. Yeah they will use them, but not because they are overjoyed about it. Secondly, he is worried about making a mess? Jeez, he really lacks in creativity. He has been to BUSY to throw away the tapes? Wow, well look at that, he had plenty of time to pick them up from where they were and put them into his tool box, but I'm sure it was a few extra steps to the garbage can.... I have no idea IF your boyfriend is cheating on you (God I hope not, you're pregnant with his babies for heaven sake!) BUT I will say that you're boyfriend has some serious issues with not telling the truth and a severe case of "cover yo a**" Sending the tape to this girls hubby... hmmmmm LOL although I totally feel ya on the revenge thing.... I think you really need to get to the bottom of this crap with him on another level. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Merin2 hit the nail right on the head. I concur! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 As every day goes on this just drives me more insaine. I am going to have two babies by this lying creep in less that 55 days! I have great luck don't I? This should be the happiest time in my life. I have two miracles going on inside me. However, I am getting more and more depressed. I am very disgusted. I think I am going to tell the husband but I am going to wait until I am no longer pregnant incase the cheating wife wants to attack me or something. What a loser she is! I can not believe that. Why even get married if you want to screw people other than your spouse? I can't believe it crossed my mind that he was actually using condoms to whack off! I know better than that. I suppose I just wanted to believe otherwise. Thanks to all of you for making me see that it really isn't even reasonable. I just love him so much that I wanted to believe him. Shame on me. I deserve so much better than this. I can't wait to get back to work and leave this a**h***. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 Better yet! I am packing his **** and trowing it out the door for good. Might as well get it over with. Maybe him and his cheating wife friend can shack up together! I think I will also call his mother and tell her what a jerk he is to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Girl, I know you're p!ssed and for real you have very good reason to be! BUT you're also pregnant.... so please sweetie, right now take care of YOU and those babies okay? Breathe in, breathe out... take care of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Kate Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to ruin your life just because you are pregnant by an ahole. he is a cheater. guys don't carry condoms for no reason. i just found out that the guy i have been with for almost a year has been totally unfaithful. he was a friend of mine for 3 YEARS. peoplel lie. at the beginning of our "monogomous relationship" i found condoms and he told me they were totally old. i never saw them since. in retrospect, i know it was a total lie. leave. now. after everything i have been through, i know that intuition does not lie. i'd rather be skeptical and alone than anxious and attached to a total loser. this guy is completely lying to you. AND, even if he wasn't cheating, he KEPT the videos and continues to watch them! if that is not enough to leave, you will end up deserving him. i'm sorry to be rude and i'm not on a tangent just because i have been burned recently, but all i needed was some hard evidence to up and leave -- you HAVE it right in front of you. even IF he is just watching them, he is cheating - don't you think?? i would never accept that behavior. all i tolerated that made me stay was indifference -- the second i suspected cheating and found it, i was GONE. you should do the same. don't let your pregnancy sway your decision in any way. leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Whoa, slow down there. Don't do anything rash. I agree, you do have the babies to take care of. Why don't you go stay with someone for a few days, parents or friends, just to let yourself calm down and think things over long and hard. A few days away might give you some clarity that would be hard to find while he's around. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Sorry- but I have never heard of a man using a condom to masturbate, most men hate condoms. It sounds crazy. Forget the woman, that is irrevelant, She has not obligations to you in any shape or form. So, she is sleeps around while married. Her issue, no yours. If you want to tell her husband to make you feel better, your choice, but your partner is your problem. He is keeping porn videos from another woman and lying about it...yeah, the garbage can was soooo far in your house he could not throw it? that guy is not the brightest animal in the zoo. You are in a very difficult situation as you are pregnant, and it is easy for me to suggest what you should or should not do. I guess if you have a lot of support around, leaving him can be a bit easier. It would help if your family is supportive. If you decide to stay with him, do so knowing that he will lie, cheat and hide things from you. Do not lie to yourself. It will not help you. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 This is my home- he can leave. I am not and will not put myself out because of his poor choices. If he wants to drive around with condoms in his truck then he can stay gone with his condoms. I don't need him. I am a very smart and loving person and I am cute to boot. I can find better. All the little things that have happened along the way, I swept them under the rug and lied to myself by telling myself he wouldn't cheat on me and that my gut was wrong. My gut is not wrong-he is the one that is wrong here. I can't live my life wondering who is calling him or who he is calling, where he is and with whom. I have twins to think about now so there will be no time to worry about what he is doing. I have decided that I just don't have time for this anymore. He is childish and selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 This is a tough one. I would not feel good about this... Since it is your house MAKE HIM LEAVE until you can decide RATIONALLY what is BEST FOR YOU. [color=red]Get some support: Group; therapist etc. [/color] You need to stay CALM and think about the babies right now --- get him away from you so you can grieve and deal with this horrible reality... Don't do anything you will regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiltingbutterfly Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 I'm 27 and he is 31. He is gone!!! I sent him sailing this evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
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