I pushed her away.

[losttheone]

Yes I see both your points. However moving on is not my wish. Not that I am an omega or her push over. I have and will stand my ground. I only needed to tell her I was sorry and am here for her. Is that bad?

 

I agree no contact, but steps needed to get her back is what I need, not to be told it's over. I am one that will fight for her. And I think we are worth it!

 

Now being prepared to not have her in my life is nor something I need to do because we will be friends. Being prepared to accept only having her as a friend is more like it. I believe in the power of positive thoughts. It worked the last time, and I know our bond it will work this time.

[Treasa]

You can't force someone to want to be with you, no matter how much you're willing to fight or what steps you learn. That person has to want to be with you.

 

You pushed her away. You reap what you sow. I personally don't throw away anything of value to me.

[losttheone]

You can't force someone to want to be with you, no matter how much you're willing to fight or what steps you learn. That person has to want to be with you.

 

You pushed her away. You reap what you sow. I personally don't throw away anything of value to me.

 

I guess you did not read where my X wife was telling me I was going to have my daughter taken away if I stayed with the girlfriend. So yeah I messed up, hurt her and so it was.

 

I never said fighting for her was forcing her. I only said fight for her, as in NOT give up on us. As well, fight for making a change. I told my X wife to beat it and sold the house as well filed for custody of my kid. the x girl friend said she sees that and forgives me. Also she said she understands how hard it must be.

 

So I am only looking for help here. What works IF she would be willing and NOT if she will. I get defeat and I know it well....

[Treasa]

I did read it. I also read the part before it: "SO I pushed her away a few times"

 

A few times. Yeah, a guy gets one chance with me. If he makes an honest mistake, he might get a second chance. If he keeps pushing me away, **** him.

 

You're trying to fight for someone who is giving you no indication that she wants to be with you. In fact, she's engaged to another guy.

 

Honor and self-respect would dictate that you gracefully bow out and start living your life for you.

[losttheone]

I did read it. I also read the part before it: "SO I pushed her away a few times"

 

A few times. Yeah, a guy gets one chance with me. If he makes an honest mistake, he might get a second chance. If he keeps pushing me away, **** him.

 

You're trying to fight for someone who is giving you no indication that she wants to be with you. In fact, she's engaged to another guy.

 

Honor and self-respect would dictate that you gracefully bow out and start living your life for you.

 

Right I got all that. I have sent he email saying I do not support her marriage and how I feel and sorry and so on it was written well and ended with if she wants something new. I will be here look me up.

 

 

Just looking for good advice on how to help make her feel safe if she comes back. Or how to help win her back.

[losttheone]

Update: I went NC and worked on me. Well a good friend said he was hanging out with a friend and we should all hang out. Long story short, it was an amazing female and we became instant friends. She and I talked about the X and I am not emotionally available. She said she just got out of something as well and is not ready to date. So upfront we are both honest but do not care we have hung out for the past few days and had a blast. She has even spent the night a few times (slept on the couch).

 

Amazing times, and she starts loading up pics of us on FB. And we talk, I say that is kinds odd my X will see these. I do not want to make my X give up any glimmer of hope if ANY. Or make her think oh well I can now move on as well. We'll that joint friend came over and we all got to talking. Turns out he says not only will your X see the pics, but so will her new man and his X. I said what? He said ummm her new man just got out of a 4 year relationship and is still friends with his X. Wtf?

 

And it turns out that when his x started seeing a new guy (only 3 months after their break) that is when he swooped up on my X. WTF? Is this a mess of rebounds? How can this new guy not be messed up from it, especially when his last posts on FB are poems about his love and X then the new ones from last moth saying he is so happy now. Yeah right what a fn game. So the new gal and I said F them let's get some pizza hahaaa....

 

 

I really need help wrapping my mind around this one.

[losttheone]

OK so its been no contact for 2 weeks, and last night, the X messaged me on Xbox live, saying she has a new phone (she has already sent the same thing in a text a week ago). Then she texted me about going riding horses this weekend with my daughter. And I asked if she read my email (the NC, goodbye until she is done with him, I want to be the one, if she feels she wants to build on something new she has my number). So she says she will read it. And she does not say anything all night. We both are on Xbox live (playing different games, Her Mass Effect 2 and I Mass Effect 3 haha).

 

So just now I get a text of food she is eating. When we were together that was our cute thing to do, send pics of food or the dogs. That is not something we have done in months. It has been very simple and plain texts about nothing.

 

So what do I do >???

 

Is this her reaching out ? I did say GOODBYE and if she wants to build something new then she has my number. And she thought about it all night...

 

I would normally just send a pic of the dogs or what I was eating, so that is what I was thinking I should do. Or should I ask if she understood my email and what I need ?

 

ANY HELP is greatly appreciated!!

[losttheone]

So the X read the email and did send that text today. I did not know what to think. NOW I NEED HELP! I know you all think it is over but guess what.

 

She just sent a text because she logged into FB. And said so you are FN another girl? DID not say that in your email, if I was near you I would punch you in the face !

 

WTF? Wait is she not engaged ? Or did she read my email and her sending out that text say she was into me.

 

So I sent a few texts back and she said she is not going to believe my bull****. SO I got pissed off and said WTF do you care for you are getting engaged and I have to see that RING and you FB pics. And so on, kinda needed to let her know that I was not happy with what she was doing and this new gal is JUST a friend so big deal. I went on and told her my feelings are true and if she is done with that relationship we can talk. until then have a good life.

[losttheone]

Any help here please?

 

I found out that the guy she is seeing just became friends with his X again on FB. Could this be that they are having issues and my X is accepting (or was) things and wanted to try things?

 

Please let me know if you need more info. I think it is about to happen!

[losttheone]

No help or comments? Hmmmm..

 

So I will keep post and hope this helps others, because you can get her back and a lot of advice works and a lot does not.

 

1. NC - This worked for me because it pulled away her safety net and made her think what life is without me. Note a goodbye email was why it worked. I think telling her I only wanted her and making changes (that she must see). However I should say NO contact directly from you. I stayed friends on FB, so she could she the places I checked in at and the people I am hanging out with.

 

2. Becoming an Alpha again. This was huge! I went right to posting only good things online and still talking with her friends and family with only current things and never talking about the X. If I talked with her mom it was about canning or chickens (things her mom likes). This kept me in good graces with her loved ones.

 

3. When she does contact you, make sure you are the man she fell in love with. Talk only about things that you know will make her smile.

 

 

So as for now she is still mad about that new friend I have that is a girl. This one hurt my chances a little for now. Because in my email I told her all these good things about us getting back together if she dumps the new guy. And we'll something happened in there relationship. not sure what it was but the are not together all of time now and on FB it has only been pics of her hanging out with her family. She started to come back and wanted to go horse back riding with me and my kid. Note this is after I told her to read my email and it was very clear to not contact me until she was ready to build something new. So as she said "you did not mention a new girl in your email".

 

Now what I am doing is listening and taking one stop forward and two back. She said she was going to edit her news feed on FB so she does not see my crap. Well I posted that next day about our turtle that just died. And she texts me right away saying that I should tell her about important things and not let her find out on FB. Hmmmm editing her feed eh. So I respond the wrong way and go off about things she is doing like her new man and how I feel. She then texts back its about the turtle. Ohhhh crap. One why would she care about the turtle? And two if I played it cool she would be here right now.

 

So my next steps. I tested back, I apologize, I was upset because of my strong feeling for you. You know we would love to see you this weekend. And left it at that. Now I step back and let her decide. The ball is in her court. I know she had today open, as she asked about hidden back riding. Now not saying she will still have it open. But she has the ball and I will still have a blast today and again she will see I am doing all the things we love doing out doors. As she keeps trying to teach the new guy why he would get a pair of boots for hiking or how to start a fire, etc. All the things I know and do.

 

What helps in my deal, is her and I have the same life goals and walk with nature like no other. We love the same things. As well she is with a new guy and most of you think this is doomed. No this is perfect, only one guy to compete with. And she and he just got out of LTRs and jumped into rebound love. They are nothing alike and I am sorry you must have the same daily goals and likes to keep the flame alive. If one person wants to hike and camp all the time and the other wants to be indoors drinking beer and watching sports. It's hard to keep that alive. And in a fast rebound they are now finding out wow you are nothing like my X love.

 

So I hope this helps I will update as to what happens and tell you when she is back!

[OwlSoul]

Any help here please?

Getting back happens. But it's a long way imho. But honestly, I want to slap your face. T.T

 

When you stop questioning the smallest things she does, stop caring about what she thinks and etc., then start asking questions really. For now you just need to get rid of this desire which drives you crazy.

 

No desire = key to have the self control and etc. For now you're overthinking and do not really look attrative. Like 'omg, she asked about the turtle!'. My ex would be talking about the little stuff I left at his apartments. But I did not overthink, I was not like 'He said he found my hair!!! OMG! WHY?! He wants me back?! He misses me?!'.

[losttheone]

Getting back happens. But it's a long way imho. But honestly, I want to slap your face. T.T

 

When you stop questioning the smallest things she does, stop caring about what she thinks and etc., then start asking questions really. For now you just need to get rid of this desire which drives you crazy.

 

No desire = key to have the self control and etc. For now you're overthinking and do not really look attrative. Like 'omg, she asked about the turtle!'. My ex would be talking about the little stuff I left at his apartments. But I did not overthink, I was not like 'He said he found my hair!!! OMG! WHY?! He wants me back?! He misses me?!'.

 

 

I think you missed my point. It's the little things that are BIG here. One, she never asked about things on my FB period! When her and the new guy were together allllll the time it was dead space. This had nothing to do with the damn turtle. It was a test and if I passed it (which I did not) I would have been one step up. But next time I know. This had everything to do with the girl I am hanging out with and my X showing signs of jealousy. Note, a mother ago a gal was way into me. And the even asked why this gal was all over my FB. And said good go get her. Now this new girl, and she wants to slap me?

 

As well besides this last break down with me going off about her bull**** with the new man and why does a new friend matter when I am stupidly in love with her. I have been doing good things in my life and being me. She only sees the good. Like today I am still going to do the things we both love, and I know she misses it.

[Sososad]

You've sent the email.. There is no trick

Or game now to get her back.

You have to now try be strong . Get on with your life and maybe now that her safety net is gone she may realize what she had with you.

But don't just sit around accept for now it's over .

If u re initiate contact now you look like a doormat after sending the email.

Give it time see what happens .

She will reach out with rubbish but ignore .

She can't miss you if your always around.

And as said earlier ignoring is far louder than any reply!!!!!

[losttheone]

You've sent the email.. There is no trick

Or game now to get her back.

You have to now try be strong . Get on with your life and maybe now that her safety net is gone she may realize what she had with you.

But don't just sit around accept for now it's over .

If u re initiate contact now you look like a doormat after sending the email.

Give it time see what happens .

She will reach out with rubbish but ignore .

She can't miss you if your always around.

And as said earlier ignoring is far louder than any reply!!!!!

 

Yes I see your point. However I told her in the email, that I will be gone from here life, unless she wants to try something new. And to not respond, unless she wants to work on thigns. And she reads it. Takes a day to think. Then the next day starts testing me about food and the dogs. Now if she is daft, then I would understand. But her and I both know why she contacted me after said email.

 

So yes I am getting on with life today, not waiting around for her. Heck this new friend I have wants to hang out. So, I will not change what I am doing to "win" the X back. Only give her space to figure out what she really wants. And when she comes back it will be her choice and I will be a new man with good things going on. What could be better.

[thefooloftheyear]

You've sent the email.. There is no trick

Or game now to get her back.

You have to now try be strong . Get on with your life and maybe now that her safety net is gone she may realize what she had with you.

But don't just sit around accept for now it's over .

If u re initiate contact now you look like a doormat after sending the email.

Give it time see what happens .

She will reach out with rubbish but ignore .

She can't miss you if your always around.

And as said earlier ignoring is far louder than any reply!!!!!

 

 

THIS^^^^

 

Look, brother...I have been trying to tell you this from the first post. She is playing with you. F.uck the BS Facebook stuff-UGH. Deactivate your account. Disappear. Move on with your life. I know you probably still love her, but start to think about what she is doing and if THIS is what you want for your life? Is this the behavior of someone who truly loves you? And why is the hell do you want to stay in good graces with her family? Who cares about them at this point?

 

As for the other girl you met, I would carefully back out of that. You are only using her for an ego boost, and if your ex gave you the smallest whiff of hope of getting back you will drop her like a rock. You aren't ready and thats obvious.

 

If there is ANY hope, the only way is by HER coming with hat in hand and asking for forgiveness and a fresh start. Our minds cloud reality and what is best for us. Its a cruel thing about life, frankly...

 

TFY

[losttheone]

THIS^^^^

 

Look, brother...I have been trying to tell you this from the first post. She is playing with you. F.uck the BS Facebook stuff-UGH. Deactivate your account. Disappear. Move on with your life. I know you probably still love her, but start to think about what she is doing and if THIS is what you want for your life? Is this the behavior of someone who truly loves you? And why is the hell do you want to stay in good graces with her family? Who cares about them at this point?

 

As for the other girl you met, I would carefully back out of that. You are only using her for an ego boost, and if your ex gave you the smallest whiff of hope of getting back you will drop her like a rock. You aren't ready and thats obvious.

 

If there is ANY hope, the only way is by HER coming with hat in hand and asking for forgiveness and a fresh start. Our minds cloud reality and what is best for us. Its a cruel thing about life, frankly...

 

TFY

 

 

I do see your side. But after telling her that if she wants to try something new contact me but do not if she stays with that guy. Then she takes a day to think. Then her texts start rolling in. So if in fact this is her reaching out, why not ask or find out?

 

As far as the new gal she and I both are not into dating right now and just have fun as friends.

 

My thoughts are that the email got to her so she reaches out. Then sees that I have a new friend. It's like I lied in the email to her. So what now? And her family can not be punished for our crap.

 

So next steps are what I am looking for if in fact her reaching out is true. I know what to do if it was just her ignoring the content. But when she did ask about going horse back riding, I asked if she read my email, she said no and asked if she should read it now. I said yes it is very important. She said ok let me read it now. She did, then did not respond until the next day. And then she started sending texts about our dogs (we have 2 that I kept).

 

Note, half her stuff is still here and her truck that only needs a jump is outside. So if in fact she was done she knows I am not here on Mondays and has a house key. I told her awhile ago she can come get it anytime. Even told her i packed up the rest of her stuff, but it is still here!

 

So lets pretend she wants me back but this new gal thing makes her think the idea love you is bull, and remember I was the dumper.

[OwlSoul]

It's the little things that are BIG here.

It-is-called-over-thinking.

 

My ex would never message to people in the past, now he is doing it all the time. It would take him hours to actually answer any text before. Now he responces immidietly to any messages, no matter who the person is. It means nothing, people just change their behaviour over the time. T.T

 

You're taking the process a bit wrong, by saying 'Oh, I messaged her. She won this round! Next time I'll win!'. It's about how much you actually moved on. Whenever you act, she'll see your actual feelings.

[losttheone]

See I am not sure moving on is what the dumper should do. I pushed her out and she was madly in love with me... So if I move on that just shows her i really did not give a crap about her. So she is right to have moved on as well. With her giving her space is good for now. But I think the NC is over. Maybe LC from here on out. She did contact me after the email saying point blank not to unless she is ready to try again. She can not be so dumb to ignore that.

[thefooloftheyear]

I do see your side. But after telling her that if she wants to try something new contact me but do not if she stays with that guy. Then she takes a day to think. Then her texts start rolling in. So if in fact this is her reaching out, why not ask or find out?

 

Because if it was anything remotely resembling wanting to be with you, you wouldnt have to play this stupid game SHE wants you to play! Its a no win situation for you. And you want to keep playing. You are like a one legged man in an asz kicking contest.

 

As far as the new gal she and I both are not into dating right now and just have fun as friends.

 

My thoughts are that the email got to her so she reaches out. Then sees that I have a new friend. It's like I lied in the email to her. So what now? And her family can not be punished for our crap.

 

No, perhaps they shouldnt, but please explain to me how not contacting them is "punishing" them? You are broken up and you are only punishing yourself by using them to keep indirect with an ex that, at this time, is committed to someone else.

 

So next steps are what I am looking for if in fact her reaching out is true. I know what to do if it was just her ignoring the content. But when she did ask about going horse back riding, I asked if she read my email, she said no and asked if she should read it now. I said yes it is very important. She said ok let me read it now. She did, then did not respond until the next day. And then she started sending texts about our dogs (we have 2 that I kept).

 

Note, half her stuff is still here and her truck that only needs a jump is outside. So if in fact she was done she knows I am not here on Mondays and has a house key. I told her awhile ago she can come get it anytime. Even told her i packed up the rest of her stuff, but it is still here!

 

Why the urgency on her part? YOU have agreed to be the patsy, so why bother worrying about it. She knows you wont put it out on the front yard.

 

So lets pretend she wants me back but this new gal thing makes her think the idea love you is bull, and remember I was the dumper.

 

 

See bolded areas...I am not trying to be the wet blanket, but from what I know and the stories I have read, women will happily just keep you around to stroke their ego. They are happy in their new lives and do not want you to move on with yours.

 

Just tell her, Youre in or youre out...Period...Then just forget about it...

 

TFY

[losttheone]

Right my email said in or out. And so she's knows what she will miss when I am gone. I told her not to contact me unless she is ready to move onto something new. So you think her contacting me is ignoring my email and just testing me?

[flight E]

My friend i dont wish to be cruel, but u r behaving lik d provebial fly dat follows the corpse into a grave becos it is doomed to die. People r giving you honest advise and all you do is argue for a girl who dumped you for another, please we have been there done that and can understand, but at least we dont argue with true advise. U want advise on getting her back. Then let me give you the only true advise; move on. Truly move on not as a game or trying to get back trick. That is only when u stand any chance of getting her back. The thing is you may not want her then as u will see clearly then

[TearyEyedPride]

So you think her contacting me is ignoring my email and just testing me?

 

Exactly!! It's not rocket science. It's not as complicated as you're making it. There are no little things that are big. You're minimizing the key points because you don't want to let go. SHE ALREADY HAS. She's in a relationship and she gets to keep you around as a potential fallback, emotional crutch, shoulder to lean on and cry when she feels like but then snuggles up in the arms of another man, because you're too bullheaded to see and let go.

 

Every poster here you've said something to the effect of "Yes... I see your point... BUT...(insert numerous rambling excuses here)." So I'm under the impression that you understand... but you just don't wanna heed the advice or hear the truth. You're going to do what you want to do anyways. The thing to remember is... so is she. You continue to let her pull the strings and she will. Dance little puppet. You have the scissors in your hand, cut them when you will.

[losttheone]

To All,

Yep that was me. Take advice and still plow ahead. Well things have changed and all on my end. I don't contact her until she contacts me and ONLY answer questions. She called me the other day 5 times and texts all the time wanting to hang out now. I still say, NO! I can not, but if she is ready to try something new then sure. I am moving on, and told her so. Even bought the a farm (here and I always wanted she has only seen the land). I am hanging out with friends working on a new business and am at a point where I do not think of her all day long. Heck I go hours now with out even looking at my phone. She does pop up from time to time in my head, but I push it aside and say, if it was to be then let it be organic...

 

What is odd, is she still contacts me ALL the time asking to hang out and I say I can not. Then she gets mad and says some crap, I again tell her its not to make her mad, but to help me heal. Just this week I posted pictures of the new farm. And she texts me within the hour asking about it (5 texts in a row) I do not answer. She keeps asking about it then texts, "well I have not even seen the inside of the house you know". and "if you want to next week I am free and I would not object to seeing it". WTF?

 

REMEMBER I was the dumper and she sure let me know how I made her feel.

 

We have broken up before and she rolled right into a rebound, but this is how we got back together, we hung out as friends (we have everything in common) and it just became right again, soon she was telling her new man that it was not working and she loved me.

 

This time I had a ring on her finger and failed, asked her that we just stay friends and it was not working. So One month into her new relationship this guy puts a ring on her finger ? AND now its a few months later (just like the last) and she is calling to hang out, and wants to see the inside of my new place?

 

See I think, well I know I HURT her and she does not trust me but sees the change I made. (and boy did I ever, I could have stayed in bed for months) She even commented on my changes and when she does she will go silent for a day then text me back normal things. Like asking about the new class I am taking and me saying,"what did you think I was going to fall apart? Umm NO I am moving on and improving myself for ME! then nothing, SO I let it go... And Boom one day later its lets hang out.

 

Funny how she will spend the weekend with the new guy, then want to see me after. I will not wonder what is going on in her head, because I know it is filled with hurt and confusion. Here is the guy she loved and pushed her away, never moved forward in his life AND now she jumps into a FAST relationship to bury the pain, and bam! I want her back and have changed.

 

Question, Do rebounds start so fast and she thinks its true love, because she is starting off there, where we left off. It sure looks like it, from ring and love to love and ring.