Should I confront EX over lies?

[Bananas]

Id like to thank everyone for my previous post 'What a mad relationship ive just had' and this is really an extension to that..

 

Im going to try to be friends with my EX, even though that may be in-advisable, id like to give it a go, although, as Tony said, if shes lied to me in the past, it doesnt make for a very good trustworthy friendship.

 

Soo, in mind of that, and that her lies are what made me hurt so much in this relationship, should I confront her about them?

 

Specifically, she told me that shes not in contact with her ex, although i KNOW they talked every day on the phone (yeah, i was a bit sneaky, and it just confirmed my insecurities)..There was always numerous other small lies about a variety of things..I could sometimes tell by her body language, but not always.

 

So...do I bring all this out now? Or should I forget it, and move on??

 

I really want to do the right thing for MYSELF here, as I dont want to get hurt anymore, but realise that the relationship is over, and thats DEFINATELY for the best.

 

She took a big part away from me with these un-truths, and I almost want her to know that I know....You know?? *heh*

 

Mainly so that she doesnt do it again to, well, anyone...She thinks she gets away with it, and that just makes the lies easier and easier for her.

[Tony T]

Confronting a pathological liar about her lies would be about the same as confronting a cop about arresting people. It won't change much.

 

Such a confrontation may be excellent for your healing process, may help you gain closure in the relationship, but it will cause her to become rigid, defensive, and drive her away from you further...which may not be a bad idea at this point.

 

It would be an excellent thing for you personally to let her know you are aware of her lies and to tell her exactly what they were and what the truth was. You will feel lots better. But it will do nothing to heal the relationship and will certainly seal it's doom. People do not enjoy being caught in the lies. For people who tell lies a lot, it is part of their personality and they may even feel it's just fine.

 

Now, if you want to put up with the lies...since you know you can't believe her...and just be her friend and have a fun time, go for it. It takes a lot of energy to put up with someone like this but evidentally other things she offers you obviously make up for it. I don't think I could be a friend with someone who constantly lies to me.

 

The Sharper Image, www.sharperimage.com, sells a telephone that has lights which detect deception from the party on the other end. The science is called PSE, psychological stress evaluation, and has been used by the government since about 1979. Get one of these and tell her every time she is being untruthful. Let her know that your phone has this capability and I doubt she will ever talk to you on the phone again.

 

Another thing you may do, which could be a bit less confrontational, is to write her a letter outlining her lies and what the truth is. Let her know how you feel and that you could handle the truth and not judge her for the truth. Try to make the letter positive. You have even make her think that you think the lies are just a joke. Only you would know if that's a good approach.

 

I do hope you enjoy your friendship with her...and, by the way, president-elect Bush is going to name me Secretary of the Treasury so I will no longer be posting on this board.

 

Just a lyixx, kidding!!!

[Deejette]

I don't see why you want to be friends with someone who has lied to you so much. You are not going to teach her a lesson about anything this way, except that you cannot live without her, no matter how she treated you in the past.

 

This sounds like an obsession on your part and you would be better off finding someone whom you can trust instead of hanging onto a relationship that had so much falsehood going on.

Confronting a pathological liar about her lies would be about the same as confronting a cop about arresting people. It won't change much.

 

Such a confrontation may be excellent for your healing process, may help you gain closure in the relationship, but it will cause her to become rigid, defensive, and drive her away from you further...which may not be a bad idea at this point. It would be an excellent thing for you personally to let her know you are aware of her lies and to tell her exactly what they were and what the truth was. You will feel lots better. But it will do nothing to heal the relationship and will certainly seal it's doom. People do not enjoy being caught in the lies. For people who tell lies a lot, it is part of their personality and they may even feel it's just fine. Now, if you want to put up with the lies...since you know you can't believe her...and just be her friend and have a fun time, go for it. It takes a lot of energy to put up with someone like this but evidentally other things she offers you obviously make up for it. I don't think I could be a friend with someone who constantly lies to me. The Sharper Image, www.sharperimage.com, sells a telephone that has lights which detect deception from the party on the other end. The science is called PSE, psychological stress evaluation, and has been used by the government since about 1979. Get one of these and tell her every time she is being untruthful. Let her know that your phone has this capability and I doubt she will ever talk to you on the phone again. Another thing you may do, which could be a bit less confrontational, is to write her a letter outlining her lies and what the truth is. Let her know how you feel and that you could handle the truth and not judge her for the truth. Try to make the letter positive. You have even make her think that you think the lies are just a joke. Only you would know if that's a good approach.

 

I do hope you enjoy your friendship with her...and, by the way, president-elect Bush is going to name me Secretary of the Treasury so I will no longer be posting on this board. Just a lyixx, kidding!!!