EMERGENCY relationship problem. Should i cheat on her?

[philintroubled]

Okay heres the story. This is going to be difficult to express. okay I never have had a girlfriend or a kiss or anything until my woman came about a year ago to me. I was shy like always but she admired the fact that i played hard to get. We eventually got together and we clicked like THAT. ONe thing that bothered me was the fact that she had kissed so many men in her past(over 30, and she's just 16). But i was able to cope with this because i myself was in a whole new experience so it didn't matter that much.

 

Then at about 4 months she cheated on me. She was drunk and drugged and met up with one of her ex's and she went to third base with him that night. She told me immediately afterwards and said she was really sorry and would understand if wanted to break up. As much anger that i had for her i coudln't break up with her. I really really liked her. I gave her another chance.

 

SO we are going strong for a while and then at about 7-8 months something else happens. I found out she went to go visit one of her ex's secretly behind my back. She told me that she was tricked into going to her g/f's house and that the boy showed up because he still wants her back. Later in an arguement between my g/f and my friend i found out the truth. The truth was that she was the one that went with her g/f to HIS HOUSE. this broke my heart because she lied to me this time. She admitted to going to his house but she also told me that NOTHING HAPPENED. I had other eyewitness accounts that approved of this. She still to this day can't explain why she went. After this situation i was seriously considering letting her go. I told her i think we should break up and she burst into desperate tears of begging. She couldn't breathe or talk she just kept saying "sorry sorry please you mean so much to me". I didn't know what to do because my g/f is a cutter when she is sad. I didn't want her to go mutilate herself over me. Even then i still deep down didn't want to lose her.

 

So yes i did what you think i did. I gave her another chance. She didn't exactly cheat on me so i didn't know what to do. I said "don't expect the same level of trust from me for a while". And ever since then i have questioned alot of things stupid things. It's driving her nuts and she is very sad that i don't trust her as much as i used to. I been trusting her back though its just a slow process.

 

Heres my main problem. Ever since these events i have never completely deatl with them. I will occasionally think about them and be very frustrated. I will want to cheat back on her to even the feelings i have against her out. The thing is im no pimp so this isn't something i can do easily. She's the only hotty i've ever gotten. Until yesterday i found out a girl liked me at a party. I used to think she was hot back in the day but i never did anything about it. I am serisouly considering cheating on my g/f to help myself be at peace with my anger. I don't plan on haveing a realtionship with this potential cheat. I just want to do it to make myself feel better. I still want to keep my woman she still means alot ot me i am just so confused. please tell me what i should do.

[babybear]

Hi there,

I've been in your shoes. To make a long story short, my bf cheated on me...and we broke up but I took him back. I was so frustrated too...b/c I would get angry out of nowhere, etc...and in turn, he would be frustrated with me for doubting him so much because he SWORE he changed. So...I took matters into my own hands, and had a casual fling on the side with my ex bf. It happened only a few times, but over kind of a long period of time. I thought it would even the score...but you know what? It doesn't really...b/c you know that you did it out of anger, and she did it simply because she takes your trust for granted, and b/c she obviously doesnt value the relationship like she should. I think that the reason I did it is because I felt he already shattered the relationship, and my cheating was only doing a little damage to something that was already broken. It helped a little bit because I didn't feel like a fool and only b/c he got to feel a bit of what I felt. But still, it's not the answer, and I didn't get the satisfaction I had hoped for. From my experience, it will be VERY hard to get over it. You will be mad and angry, and confused. If you want to work hard at getting over it, then good for you. But, if you want to cheat to get over it, then maybe it's time to move on.

[Artifact]

The best thing to do is drop your current girl.

 

I know she means a lot to you, and it is valid to be especially attached to your first girlfriend, but it is no reason to hang on. She is not treating you well, she does not respect you, she certainly doesn't really care about you. Most likely, she feels badly because she keeps getting caught. She is not ready to be dovoted to just you.

 

And why do you want to be involved with someone who gets "drunk and drugged" and runs off with an ex anyway?

 

So, make a clean break- and if you are interested in this other girl, make sure you are single before you approach her. Although you want to give your girlfriend a taste of her own medicine, this new girl may not like being used. And that won't get you anywhere.

[honey2005]

I agree with Artifact, there's no reason to make things worse than they are. If you feel like you should cheat on her, you shouldn't be with her. Two wrongs never make a right.

[Mr Spock]

Yes. Go out and boff as many women as you can find. You're young, dumb, and full of ........

[wiltingbutterfly]

Cheating is wrong no matter how or why you do it. If this person is causing you so much heartache by cheating on you-LEAVE! By styaing with this cheating person you are setting yourself up to be cheated on again. If you cheat on her to get even, you are just as bad as her. Sorry to be so blunt but I am really down on cheaters today since I am 7 months pregnant with twins and figured out that I was cheated on.

[JoL]

What happened wiltingbutterfly?...

 

To answer your questions philintroubled, it sounds like your girlfriend can't help herself. She likes the attention from the guys it seems. To "go to third base" would take some thought- it wasn't just a quick accidental kiss was it? This says to me she doesn't think beyond the moment of what she's doing..which to me screams selfishness.

 

You're only young, and I know it hurts really bad right now, but you will be ok. If you cheat on your girl, all it will prove to her is that you're as bad as she is. She will throw it back in your face, and you will have to explain to future girlfriends that you cheated on someone. Believe me, it does make a difference in the mind of future girls if they know you have cheated in the past.

 

My advice? Tell your girlfriend how you feel, if you can't work it out then move on..you're only 16! I know it's hard when you care about someone, but it's not healthy to be in a relationship where you don't trust the person and actually WANT to hurt them.