A fear I have that I think many single guys have

[Teknoe]

I get a little overly paranoid when a girl I don't find attractive starts "targeting" me. I guess I have this (irrational) fear that I'll end up with someone who is a lot less than my ideal dream girl. When I know in the end, I have a big say too in regards to who I open up my heart to. But I guess that's always been my biggest fear.

 

I've always chased girls I found attractive. 9 out of 10 times, they tell me not interested. Then there are girls who I felt probably liked me, and had I asked them out, I could have had a girlfriend. But I don't want JUST ANY girlfriend. I want one that I am genuinely attracted to, and love.

 

The funny thing is, I probably fall in that category for all those crushes I had that I chased that didn't work out in my favor. Ironic, isn't it?

 

Maybe there is a middle ground that I'll be able to strike one day. I still like to think I'll be someone's ideal and they'll also be mine at the same time. It's been hard looking for that right match combo... but in the meantime I try to stay positive and not dwell on it too much.

 

Can any other guys relate?

[Keenly]

I can relate to that, but you have to hold out. Eventually you are going to run into a girl that you really like and she will like you back. Just wait it out.

[Teknoe]

I can relate to that, but you have to hold out. Eventually you are going to run into a girl that you really like and she will like you back. Just wait it out.

 

Right on brah, and exactly what I am doing. Last thing I wanna do is settle for someone who barely sizzles my plate, and then 2 months later run into a single girl that is totally up my alley, and digging me back. That would suck. So to save any girl from heartache, I've made a silent unconscious vow not to date anyone just for the sake of dating or to say "hey look, I'm seeing someone woot woot" or "hey something's going on here"

 

It's BOOM or BUST

[rocketman122]

I get a little overly paranoid when a girl I don't find attractive starts "targeting" me. I guess I have this (irrational) fear that I'll end up with someone who is a lot less than my ideal dream girl. When I know in the end, I have a big say too in regards to who I open up my heart to. But I guess that's always been my biggest fear.

 

I've always chased girls I found attractive. 9 out of 10 times, they tell me not interested. Then there are girls who I felt probably liked me, and had I asked them out, I could have had a girlfriend. But I don't want JUST ANY girlfriend. I want one that I am genuinely attracted to, and love.

 

The funny thing is, I probably fall in that category for all those crushes I had that I chased that didn't work out in my favor. Ironic, isn't it?

 

Maybe there is a middle ground that I'll be able to strike one day. I still like to think I'll be someone's ideal and they'll also be mine at the same time. It's been hard looking for that right match combo... but in the meantime I try to stay positive and not dwell on it too much.

 

Can any other guys relate?

 

 

If youre being shot down over and over, then either:

1-youre shooting for too high of a standard. (im thinking this might be it)

2-you might not be an attractive person. attractive people attract attractive people. many people think they are attractive but I think theyre delusional.

3-maybe youre personality needs tweaking

 

Im not saying the above is true, but I never had an issue of being shot down over and over. yes, I had those that said no, and I as well, but failure after failure? no, I cant relate. btw, I never shoot for 9's or 10's though. too much high maintenance from my experience.

[NYC-BigKat]

If youre being shot down over and over, then either:

1-youre shooting for too high of a standard. (im thinking this might be it)

2-you might not be an attractive person. attractive people attract attractive people. many people think they are attractive but I think theyre delusional.

3-maybe youre personality needs tweaking

 

Im not saying the above is true, but I never had an issue of being shot down over and over. yes, I had those that said no, and I as well, but failure after failure? no, I cant relate. btw, I never shoot for 9's or 10's though. too much high maintenance from my experience.

 

I always got shot down time & again 'cause I'm too too nice & girls just dont find that interesting or exciting I guess .

[kyle77]

I can definitely relate....not really with the being shot down part but with the part about people I'm just not that into being attracted to me. And you are right, you can't just go with someone you're not that into.....it will never work.....that's basically how cheating happens....

[Phoe]

I'm a female, but I can definitely relate in a way.

 

My first boyfriend never really seemed all that attracted to me, never really wanted to be sexual with me, and I often felt like he thought I was not good enough and he was just "settling" for the sake of having a girlfriend, which of course is not a good feeling at all! He eventually left me for another girl (prettier by far) but even then he still wasn't happy. Perhaps he felt exactly how you fear to feel...

 

I was recently dumped and the guy admitted to only really making me his girlfriend for the sake of having one, he was tired of his friends who are all married bugging him about being single. He definitely settled. He just picked the first suitable girl he saw and I happened to be it. There was nothing "special" there for him. It resulted in both of us ending up very unhappy.

 

So while you might be fearful of settling, you may find that it's actually VERY difficult to successfully do, because both you AND the girl will sense it, and just be too unhappy. If you are completely happy with a girl thoughts about settling will likely disappear from your mind altogether.

[todreaminblue]

I get a little overly paranoid when a girl I don't find attractive starts "targeting" me. I guess I have this (irrational) fear that I'll end up with someone who is a lot less than my ideal dream girl. When I know in the end, I have a big say too in regards to who I open up my heart to. But I guess that's always been my biggest fear.

 

I've always chased girls I found attractive. 9 out of 10 times, they tell me not interested. Then there are girls who I felt probably liked me, and had I asked them out, I could have had a girlfriend. But I don't want JUST ANY girlfriend. I want one that I am genuinely attracted to, and love.

 

The funny thing is, I probably fall in that category for all those crushes I had that I chased that didn't work out in my favor. Ironic, isn't it?

 

Maybe there is a middle ground that I'll be able to strike one day. I still like to think I'll be someone's ideal and they'll also be mine at the same time. It's been hard looking for that right match combo... but in the meantime I try to stay positive and not dwell on it too much.

 

Can any other guys relate?

 

 

male or female feel this way...i specifically back right off if a guy i feel doesnt like me.......and i liek them.....unlikely to chase ...a guy.... never have......luckily for me i havent had to chase....i once liked a guy all through high school....never approached.....he was the sweetest guy to me.....used to tease me....smile all the time......i remained silent..he spoke up for me when i was getting the **** beaten out of me as a kid.....he was the only one........still think he knew i liked him though...smilin....lol...he is happily married now with a wonderful family....he has what he deserves to have....

your post exhibits a reason why i dont chase guys....or assert myself....i never want to be that one they run from or go oooh yuck she likes me............deb

[Necris]

I get a little overly paranoid when a girl I don't find attractive starts "targeting" me. I guess I have this (irrational) fear that I'll end up with someone who is a lot less than my ideal dream girl. When I know in the end, I have a big say too in regards to who I open up my heart to. But I guess that's always been my biggest fear.

 

I've always chased girls I found attractive. 9 out of 10 times, they tell me not interested. Then there are girls who I felt probably liked me, and had I asked them out, I could have had a girlfriend. But I don't want JUST ANY girlfriend. I want one that I am genuinely attracted to, and love.

 

The funny thing is, I probably fall in that category for all those crushes I had that I chased that didn't work out in my favor. Ironic, isn't it?

 

Maybe there is a middle ground that I'll be able to strike one day. I still like to think I'll be someone's ideal and they'll also be mine at the same time. It's been hard looking for that right match combo... but in the meantime I try to stay positive and not dwell on it too much.

 

Can any other guys relate?

 

No not really, then again I'm not in the situation where I want an attractive woman but only unattractive women want me, instead no woman at all seems to be interested in me, so I might be worse off.

 

I would however be delighted if a woman showed interest in me.

 

I can however relate to the feeling of being constantly shot down, and I too would like a lovely girl I'm genuinely attracted to, though perhaps as a result of constant failure my standards aren't all that high in the physical attractiveness department.

Edited April 20, 2013 by Necris

[crederer]

How attractive are you hoping they be? I mean being attracted to them is important, but it really isn't the most important. I've had very beautiful girlfriends and not so beautiful (by societies definition). The less attractive one was my longest relationship and in some ways the best one, right up until the last year or so when stuff got a little crazy, but you get my point.

 

Are you holding out for a supermodel type?

[El Brujo]

OP, I understand... that's how I've been feeling since I was a teenager.

 

Unfortunately the media (and other guys) tend to shout louder with their message that "sex is good for you, and the more the better---there's no such thing as too much sex!" If you mention love to them, they scrunch up their faces as if they smelled a stink.

 

But, that's what working on ourselves is for. Why, just this weekend, I cleaned up my property a little more, put up an old vehicle for sale that I haven't driven in 4 years, and bought a couple of new shirts that look good on me...