Should I call her because she is deeply depressed? Plz try to figure this tough one.

[head/heels]

OK, i have an earlier thread from last week but not too many people followed up, here is the change to that thread that has occured...I finally called my ex after 2weeks and 4 days of NC b/c i was failing out of Med School thinking about her and us and had to know if she left me for someone else....She told me (at the breakup and after) that i didnt do things X and Y right and it was too comfortable...We were together 4 years and I spoiled her rotten (she told me so).. But she said i was not the man for her....WELL now when i called she called me back immediately after her work, 11pm on the drive home, and we talked for 1.5 hours. She said she still loved me and would forever, as she said this i said her name because i thought she had stopped speaking, but she hadnt. SHe then said, do you not want me to say that. (as in if i cant take it or as in i am getting over her and that wont help) i said no that is fine. She then admitted it wasnt for the reasons she gave me and that they were just for her to feel better about it...She said she is dating someone, but when i told her how upset that makes me because it seems she didnt really think the relationship was that great...and she said that it is just dating! like it was nothing at all(i believe her b/c of what you'll see later). I then told her i want her to date so she can see what she had in me...she didnt reply to that ...I asked her how she was and she said not good....she is suffering from low self esteem and had been since we started going out...Her first bf/lover cheated on her in HS, and she kept going back to him....She is gorgeous(she was the prom-queen) and looks the same as she always did, but she cant get over how she is feeling now- in the past she did. I helped her to see she was gorgeous and supported her when she was down for the first 1.5 years of our relationshsip-she accidently told me about her specific insecurity when we were drunk 2 months into us. I helped her since then...the middle part she seemed to be out of the worst of it and never really had any that i saw since then....but now i believe when those strong feelings came back, about 8 months ago- she kept them inside and didnt tell me... She said she had had feelings about us not being right about that time... anyway she said she is not doing her school work well and she cannot sleep and she is obsessed with numbers- the scale, her pant sizes...and i assume calories/fat and others...when we first started, i caught her forcing herself to puke in the bathroom of a very nice restaurant in which we both ate too much...She never did that again after that night. I fear she might be doing this again and she is by her words "on a downward spiral" and has begun smoking again...she cant even go to class without thinking people are staring at her (well they do, because she is hot) -she thinks everyone sees her as she sees herself. She said (even though i showed her i was head over heels for her all 4 years) when i told her she was pretty, hot ,gorgeous... etc whether on phone, in person, when intimate...whenever, she thougt i was lying! NOW, I WOULD GIVE UP MY SCHOOLING FOR THIS GIRL that is how bad off her mind is..I asked her if she misses talking to me and she said that she didnt want to answer that...and she also said she has gotten bad since she broke up with me...She said this was a part of the reason she broke up with me...She isnt sure of the other reasons except i have gotten some ideas from her: she isnt sure i am the one since it is only her 2nd real relationship and it started right after the first bad one finished, maybe because i moved away 2 hours for school without really getting her opinion on it (you really cant tell the MED SCHOOL where you want to go....) -i thought we would be fine b/c she never told me how she felt about herself or about me or us...she just out of the blue broke up with me...Now She is thinking of getting help....I let her go (it was this past tuesday) and on wednesday i left her an email saying i would be there for her, b/c when i was hurting at the beginning of school i didnt have my best friend to help me through it (her). I said i wished i could but the situation wouldnt allow it and this is not to do with us specifically and i want to be there for her since i am the ONLY one who knows how she is feeling about herself (specifically). She called me the next day to tell me survivor was premiring and she said she knew she shoulndt be calling but that it was coming on now (we always watched it together)... I asked her if she got my email and she said yes and i told her to call me when she hurts, i know i am the only one she trusts- not even her bf or parents know . I called her after CSI was over (her other favorite) and she was asleep....I told her sweet dreams and good night and that was thursday... we havent spoke since...NOW FINALLY MY QUESTION----do i let her call me or do i call her at a specific time if she hasnt called? (i told her i wouldnt call out of respect for the new guy-she told me to call her but i told her this when she did) She said she would call me then and 2 days later she did (survivor). I broke my no call b/c of respect for the guy after the show was over though...!?!?! Is this weak? Should i not call or should i because she is the type that doesnt want to bother people with her problems and especially since she feels guilty she broke up with me....WHAT TO DO-i care for her and the last thing i want is her getting really bad and really change to become sad the rest of her life or out of character sleep with the first cute guy who will tell her she is hot (thousands will if she goes out) I guess me telling her she was hot wasnt same since she thought i should because i was her bf..plus it seems like there is hope but i feel she thinks she was unworthy of my love...SHe isnt to me and I told her that in her state she should not be dating anyone since if it gets serious and he is a). bad- he will hurt her and her vulnerability or b) if he is good (like me) she will end up hurting him....Finally, i asked her to be honest with me (on tues) and tell me to f off if she didnt want to talk to me ever again...i can take it i said...she didnt say that and talked to me about the girl i am talking to...(i am talking to her about my ex and she is helping me to b/c a better man and get out my feelings-no attraction whatsoever) I asked her to be honest with me about everything since we were together 4 years and she wasnt then....(about her feelings about her and me and her insecurties at the end-nothing else) I asked her if she would start doing it from here out and she said that she wanted to start doing this.... She said she doesnt know all the reasons or really any as to why she broke up she said she is hurting too bad to really figure it out now . WHAT TO DO ALL! thanks for reading. BTW she is 100% non-manipulative type and was very needy of me...She is moral and honest to a fault and thinks it is bad to ask off $ when buying cars (parents are very christian)

[netrie]

I am concerned that you are failing Med School or did fail over this girl? Please, try CODA for co-dependents. You sound like you are near a break down.

 

Is there anyone close NOW for you to talk to? Have you tried a therapist?

 

My heart goes out to you. Do the right thing.

 

Netalia