naomii Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 I dont even know where to begin.. I have 3 years worth of hurt and sadness since i've met this man. 2010- We met and became "friends with benefits" for a few months. I was 19, him 22. He wanted a relationship but I didnt as I was young and living with a roommate. I wanted to drink and have fun which i now regret. He left me to be in a relationship with another woman at the end of 2010, right when i was starting to fall for him. 2011- His relationship failed with his girlfriend after 3-4 months, so we got back into contact. I told him up front that I had started to fall for him, and if we were to see eachother again that I wanted a relationship and not what we had before. I didnt realize that he had actually fallen in love with his ex during the short time they dated, and became his rebound while he went out drinking most nights. He told me he wanted a relationship with me to keep me around, but never went through with it. The year ended bad with a drunken physical fight due to him talking to other females behind my back. I climbed on top of him and started hitting him in the head, then he punched me and broke my nose. Police were called, we both were charged. 2012 - In January he started reaching out to me, again. Feeding me the same bullcrap that he "wants to see where things could go with us". Things were looking up, we started seeing eachother a lot more, became closer and learned a lot about eachother. I got my own apartment in April. He started staying with me for days or i'd spend the night with him at his apartment. During one of his stays, he fed my dog an ibuprofen for "pain". I will never know exactly what happened while i was at work, but it killed my dog. He told me she had ran away. A month later, he told me she died and that he put her body in a bag and put her in the dumpster (he didnt quite say it in such a cold manner, he actually looked pretty upset when he told me, but yet would make jokes about her being a "dumpster dog" months after it happened). I was devastated and feel incredibly guilty for what happened to my dog (she was my baby). Yet, i still loved him, despite him KILLING my dog, despite being a heavy drinker, despite him treating me like crap most of the time (calling me stupid, STILL talking to other women, etc). I kept seeing him. July - I loaned him money to get a car for his job. He said he'd have me paid back by the end of the year and that he'd sell his old car and give me that money. He ends up losing that job. His old car sat in his garage for months with very little attempts to sell it. Come to find out, his old car was fine and he didnt even need a new car (which he told me that he needed a new one before his old car died). He ended up selling it months later and kept the money because he needed it due to no job. December 2012 - I went through his cell phone. Found out he was talking to a girl across the country. I texted her. He woke up to me screaming at him about it. I threw a glass of water on him and started to get my things to leave. He grabbed me, held me down, and choked me twice and wouldnt let me leave. I filed assault charges. January 2013 - A week later, he starts contacting me again, telling me that he'd never hurt me and that i must've hallucinated what happened. We started seeing eachother again during those months that the case was being prosecuted. I ended up getting the case dismissed for him. We were still seeing eachother, but things were going downhill even more. We constantly argued. He'd go through my phone, i'd go through his. There was no trust. We got into an argument a week ago. Wednesday we stopped talking because he's mad at me, when in reality reading and typing all of this, i should've been done with him a long time ago. Please someone talk some sense into me. Why do i miss this guy? I've let him make my life a living hell. I do admit, I'm stress free since hes been gone, but then i miss him. Why??!! Part of me hates him! Part of me loves him! Am i mental to tolerate someone like this!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author naomii Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 Of course, this is just the short version of the past 3 years. There were good times, but mostly bad. Lots of arguments. Nothing physical other than what i mentioned above, although he did have a tendency to "play slap" me lightly or bite me when he was drunk, which was pretty much every damn night. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 from what you describe, there sounds like too many negatives, to justify the positives. my biggest concern is the dead dog, then the broken bones, then.... he doesn't understand the pain he has caused you. and just because you have the strength to deal with something - doesn't mean you should pick that option. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 from what you describe, there sounds like too many negatives, to justify the positives. my biggest concern is the dead dog, then the broken bones, then.... he doesn't understand the pain he has caused you. and just because you have the strength to deal with something - doesn't mean you should pick that option. I agree with this. I can also tell you as a man he is NOT an honest person or a decent man. It would be in your best interest to forget the money, belongings or anything else and RUN not walk away from this person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author naomii Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) Thank you both. Yes, he's not an honest or decent man at all. He is a very cold, dark person. He's never had a good relationship. He's VERY manipulative and self-centered as well. Gah, makes me sad to think i fell in love with such a person. It also gets to me that sooo many people do not get to see the real him. None of his friends know the real type of person he is, or atleast not to the extent that i've seen. Edited April 21, 2013 by naomii Link to post Share on other sites
Josey Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 I don't know you but I do know that as a woman you really shouldn't have to put up with that. I was in a relationship just like this and it took me five years to realize it was NOT worth it. Please realize if you wanted to do bad you could do it by yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you both. Yes, he's not an honest or decent man at all. He is a very cold, dark person. He's never had a good relationship. He's VERY manipulative and self-centered as well. Gah, makes me sad to think i fell in love with such a person. It also gets to me that sooo many people do not get to see the real him. None of his friends know the real type of person he is, or himself, not to the extent that i've seen. Believe me there are dishonest people of both sexes... More than I would like to admit, but I would like to believe that these types of people are the minority. I once loved a woman who was totally wrong for me and treated me with contempt, lied to me, and took advantage of my good will. So take comfort in the fact we all get fooled at some point, but we learn from our mistakes. Let him live with himself, and you live with the decision to leave AND STAY GONE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Get out now. Call an abusive relationship hotline and get yourself some help. This man will end up killing you if you go back to him again. I guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Lady Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 In all honesty I will say it is hard to let someone go when you really do care about them and have feelings for them. You have to be able to look within yourself to find the strength and courage to let him go mentally and emotionally. It's a lot easier to let someone go physically than it is to let someone go mentally and emotionally. Once you build something with someone it's hard to just forget it and let go. You need a support team and some time to yourself to think about what changes you need to make in your life to move ahead mentally and emotionally. There is no doubt that he is not worth the affection of any woman at this point and time, because he's got a lot of changes he needs to make. In the midst of you missing him do not forget to do what you know is right for you, not just with moving on but with getting to know yourself better. In turn that will help you to let people like him go mentally and emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 Reminds me of me and my ex. Sounds like you are both abusive though - not sure why everyone is narrowing down on him, when your both behaving in a horrible way to each other.....Ive been there and I can tell you its tough to leave, but if your hurting each other you can cause one hell of a lot of long term damage, when really you should be enjoying life. I know how difficult it is, like I still think of her a lot, but truth is once theres violence theres no going back, if theres no trust theres no love and if theres no respect theres no point to it at all..... cut your losses and spend some time working on yourself - maybe go abroad for awhile it really helps you to detach 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Personally, I think you need to visit a therapist, to find out why you can climb on top of a person and start beating them in the head. That's not typical behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts