Please send advice to wife in need to help

[sashastone]

Hi everyone,

 

Well I've been married 9 months and been with my husband for 10 years. We have two children together ages 5 and 3.

 

I feel like he is possessive and controlling. He won't allow me to have friends, hangout or have any outside activities.

 

When we started this was not an issue, I always wanted to be with him and pretty much dissed everyone around me to be with him. Then we started having children and got tied up in that for a while. Now the kids are out of diapers and there walking and talking. No more carriages or bottles.

 

I've been in college completing my degree for the last three years and he has held it together with the bills and all. My education was government financed so I never stiffed him with any extra bills.

 

But I've realized I want freedom and friends. All my old friends won't return calls or email's and I've been trying to make new ones which is hard for me because I am a technical individual who isn't caught up in the materialistic life. I'm not concerned with the hottest clothes or nail-polish colors. However I am conservative and keep up with maintenance if you get what I mean. I'm not a slob.

 

I've lost 30 pounds and dwindled down to 112. I feel good about myself.

 

I want to go out and have fun I miss doing that. But he won't let go. I went out a couple of times with some friends I recently met. He was waiting in the garage with all his clothes ready to leave.

 

I'm always defending myself and I'm sick of it.

 

He's been trying. We've talked about it but it seems like things won't change.

 

Another thing we've been living under my mothers roof for three years and that has been a headache all by itself. I'm not sure if that is the strain or he is the strain...I don't know.

 

The kids well I love them but I can barely be responsible for myself sometimes. Let's say he does a better job taking care of them.

 

I however... am not to good at it.

 

I've also been talking to this guy who is a total dirt-bag that plays in a band. He lives in his fathers house and he's 32. He also dates lots of women. I'm attracted to him but I think because he provides some kind of fantasy in my ****ed up head.

 

Do I need to separate from my husband?

 

Am I doing it for the right reasons?

 

Need advice. So far I've been getting mixed up advice.

 

[StillChillinCookie]

You're a married mother. You' re also a woman that yearns. You need emotional attention, physical , mental, spiritual, ect. attention. Don't go looking anywhere else for that attention that your husband should give you. He's depriving you of something, obviously, even though you left it out. And I don't think that you have a F'd up head, like you said. No one's F'd up, we all think differently.

 

If you go somewhere else, you're depriving him of giving. You've been with him for quite a while, and married a short time. If anything else, don't mess up your marriage for your kids.

[Haunani]

Don't even begin thinking about that *dirt bag* right now, you've got other issues to content with first.

 

Have you seen a MC yet? If he wasn't possessive before, was there something you did to make him become this way? But at the same time, he already had you to himself - you chose in the beginning to be only with him *cause it was cute* or whatever, you were in love, then as time settled in, you needed more companion - your friends., and now the rules were changing and he didn't like it.

 

I feel your pain, my husband was very controlling and jealous when I met him, but I didn't understand exactly how much. First I thought it was so sweet of him, then it became irritating, then downright hateful. Over the years, I've learned to let him feel whatever he's going to feel it's in his head not mine,and I refuse to give in to his guilt trips anymore. He's learned better to hide them thought it sometimes comes out, and if it does, I'm not afraid to just walk away anymore.

 

If he's waiting for you when you come home, I'd say fine, it's his choice, his games you don't need. You can't always be around him 24/7, time he grew up.

 

That's only my opinion.