Author iouaname Posted April 28, 2013 Author Share Posted April 28, 2013 Things have been generally good this weekend, which is a surprise because weekends & mornings tend to be the hardest for me. I've been keeping very busy though, I went and played football with some friends yesterday afternoon (I hate sports but figured what the hell? I could get some aggression out ), and then went and got frozen yogurt with them, watched a movie, went bowling with a separate group of friends and then threw a small party in my apartment. It was nice, to feel normal again. Today has not been awful, although I've been missing him and am feeling a little sad thinking of how he and all of my old friends think of me now -- as the psycho, mentally-unstable ex Trying to let it pass though, and just move forward... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iouaname Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 [highlight] “That's the way you feel when you're beaten inside. You don't feel angry at those who've beaten you. You just feel ashamed.” [/highlight] -- Marilyn Monroe One thing that I realize now is that my ex doesn't care how I feel. He has no reason to. He believes that I am just being a victim, that when I'm upset with him it's just some sort of victim mentality that I have where I make him into the bad guy... but truthfully, he is the bad guy and I don't care anymore how labeling him that makes him feel because I just don't care. I was good to him. I never cheated on him, once, while he did cheat on me apparently four times that I'm aware of. He spoke badly about me while we were together several times that I know of and probably more than that. So really - he's not that great. I think that I've had a little bit of Romance Revisionist Disorder, because I keep thinking about him as if he is amazing and the only guy that I could ever have chemistry with, and I've felt somewhat worthless because he no longer cares about me. Truthfully, though, I'm beginning to not care. He's just... not that nice of a person. I've decided to take the hard road in healing. I've cut him out but I've cut everyone else out, as well, minus two people who I trust and care about. I know that some of them will understand, and others will make fun of me for being weak and laugh at me, but I don't care anymore because they're not a part of my life. And eventually, they'll be in a situation like this and they'll have people that don't treat them very kindly. If there's one thing this has done, it's helped me to realize how to treat other people. You never know what someone might be going through. People are in pain, and sometimes you can't see it... and I never want to be someone who causes another person pain. Going over the flaws of the people who I give too much thought to what they think of me has helped. My ex, his friends, the people that know us both... all of them are flawed. So what does it matter what they think of me? Because there are plenty of things that I could judge them for if I really wanted to - but I don't want to. I don't need to be that kind of person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iouaname Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Thank you, everyone, for the help that you have provided and for being there for me through this. It has meant a lot. Goodbye <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iouaname Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Ugh, I had planned to stay off of LS and put the breakup behind me as best as I could, but I woke up this morning missing him so much The good him - the old him. I've been thinking about his family and how sad I am that I won't get to be a part of that like I wanted to be, and his vacation house that I had so much fun at and won't be going to this summer Link to post Share on other sites
SadPanda22 Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Thank you for sharing your story and being so open and honest about your feelings. I struggle with depression and anxiety myself, and with a breakup added to all that....well it just feels overwhelming at times. I look forward to sleep so that I can have a few hours of not having to think or feel. Mornings are the worst for me too, I wake up with horrible anxiety before the day has even begun. I am so sorry that you are struggling, I wish that I had some advice to offer you. I just want you to know that you are not alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iouaname Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Thank you! While I hate that anyone has to go through this - it's of course nice to know that my feelings aren't abnormal and that I'm not insane. Been feeling better overall, a lot better, actually. I don't have the urge to contact him or any of the mutual friends and I actually find myself thinking of him less and less. The one weird thing is that I still can't listen to music. Has anyone else had this happen to them? Every song puts me in an upset or contemplative mood. There was one song I had to delete because it was kind of "our song" to me, but even other songs get me feeling down. Is this normal? Will I be able to listen to music again in the future without it being a painful trigger? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Just wanted to stop by and say that I have appreciated your recent posts on others' threads. I think you have a lot of valuable insight to share. Sorry that you had to through emotional hell to gain it. M. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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