Caitie Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 So, I have a terrible habit of snooping through my boyfriends Internet history. Today, I found a lot of porn which is normal. But I found something pretty strange. He had googled that he wants to masturbate in front of an audience, and then there were a bunch of web cam chats, and **** for chat roulette and chaturbate. I know what I did was wrong, but it is really bothering me. I feel sick to my stomach. Should I confess what I did? Should I be worried that he might cheat on me? I just don't know what to do. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Are you upset that he was curious about it, or that he might do it? I'd bet a large part of what is eating you up is that you're afraid to confront him. Your distress is unlikely to go away, so your only option really is to come clean. He may just walk away, or he may try to reassure you. Either way, you need to treat him with more respect. Either state your expectations about his internet use and that you expect to be able to verify them, or stop invading his privacy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Caitie Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 I'm afraid that his Internet behavior may be a precursor to actually cheating on me. Could it be a sign that he's not interested in my anymore, and needs to chat with other women online? A few months ago, he mentioned something about masturbating over FaceTime with me, but he said he was too shy to do it. But why is he wanting to do it now in front of strangers? I am afraid to confront him. This isn't my first time doing it, and I have come clean before. He would yell at me, and then he would tell me to never do it again. I'll admit I'm insecure, and I'm afraid of what he's doing when I'm not with him. I know he looks attorney when I'm not with him, but I didn't think he would web cam chatting, and wanting people to watch him masturbate. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 If he's not interested in you anymore, no point delaying the inevitable. But I don't see a necessary link between the kinds of things people read online and failings/inadequacies in their rel-ships. The net is a weird place. How did you feel about his request re Facetime? If you're comfortable with it, then try encouraging him to indulge in his fantasies with YOU. But all of this is premised on being open and honest with each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Caitie Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 Maybe he just wanted to explore sexually online. I don't know. He tells me that he looks at that kind of stuff online, but of course the discussion never goes any further than that. We have a good relationship, and I don't see any reason why he would cheat on me. I was excited that he wanted to do that with me on FaceTime. He was gone for a month, and he "missed" me. So I sent him some pictures and that's when he said he wanted to do it. But we didn't of course because he was shy. I just don't understand why it would appeal to him to do that in front of strangers! Maybe he's just bored with our sex life? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 You are creating a problem where there isn't one, and you should have more respect for peoples things Link to post Share on other sites
xilver Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 I dont get why a guy would masturbate at all when he has a gf. Do you ever tell him no? I would confront him and then find a guy that wants to do you. Maybe he is bored. Let him tie you up or do some other kinky thing. You guys could also have sex on the chat roulette thing if he likes an audience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 (edited) Caitie, I honestly can't even assess your bf's desires because your behavior is more disturbing. You've been caught invading his privacy, he's told you to stop, and you are so insecure that you keep snooping anyway. Even if you had a guy with conventional sexual desires, your insecurity would fuel the fabrication of a problem that doesn't even exist and eventually destroy any relationship you have. You cannot have a truly loving and stable relationship unless you trust your partner. Your bf isn't cheating on you. He's interested in an unconventional sexual act. He's mentioned it to you which tells me he wants to try it with you. But I would bet money that he feels so smothered by your snooping and insecurity that he doesn't even want to talk to you about it. Do you realize how offensive and hurtful it is to have someone constantly doubting you, even when you've done nothing wrong? It's a horrible feeling. Learn to trust first and worry about his sexual fetish afterwards. He's still with you so he obviously cares about you and wants this to work. It will never work if you don't trust him to be faithful to you, which it seems he's already proven. Edited April 22, 2013 by Almond_Joy Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 I don't see a problem with his fantasies/googling about masturbation or fetish. I DO see a problem with the webcam chats and 'chaturbate' (wtf?). Frankly there is no reason a man in a healthy R should be webcam chatting to women on the sly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 I'm not really getting something here. How is his masturbation connected to cheating? Maybe its a stupid question... Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 I'm not really getting something here. How is his masturbation connected to cheating? Maybe its a stupid question... Some people believe that ALL sexual activity not involving your partner - even solo stuff - constitutes infidelity. If you ask me, it's just religious/moral disapproval of masturbation dressed up in painfully transparent clothes. Blindness doesnt work anymore, so now they go with "cheating". Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Do all you 'solo stuff/masturbation' folks not understand what a webcam is? Last I checked people don't webcam chat with themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 People on here are ridiculous or just dont get what "webcam chatting" is on those sites. The porn is fine. I watch porn myself from time to time so Id be a big fat hypocrite otherwise. As long as the porn doesnt affect your sexual relationship I dont see an issue. However, would your bf want you to join a porn site and "webchat" with guys from those sites? Why do you think people do that OP? Do you think hes "webchatting" about the weather and his favorite type of dog? I would break up with someone who participates in that sort of thing. Its a very slippery slope to go down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 People on here are ridiculous or just dont get what "webcam chatting" is on those sites. The porn is fine. I watch porn myself from time to time so Id be a big fat hypocrite otherwise. As long as the porn doesnt affect your sexual relationship I dont see an issue. However, would your bf want you to join a porn site and "webchat" with guys from those sites? Why do you think people do that OP? Do you think hes "webchatting" about the weather and his favorite type of dog? I would break up with someone who participates in that sort of thing. Its a very slippery slope to go down. Of course the webcam stuff is different from solo masturbation. But some people do lump it all together. I was responding to the question at face value. My mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 I don't know about rest of you but I wouldn't want my partner showing off her goodies to the world through 'chaturbating That's very disrespectful unless for some reason both partners are ok with it. Porn and solo masturbation is fine since you're alone, but once you bring in others it becomes cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 I'm afraid that his Internet behavior may be a precursor to actually cheating on me. Could it be a sign that he's not interested in my anymore, and needs to chat with other women online? A few months ago, he mentioned something about masturbating over FaceTime with me, but he said he was too shy to do it. But why is he wanting to do it now in front of strangers? I am afraid to confront him. This isn't my first time doing it, and I have come clean before. He would yell at me, and then he would tell me to never do it again. I'll admit I'm insecure, and I'm afraid of what he's doing when I'm not with him. I know he looks attorney when I'm not with him, but I didn't think he would web cam chatting, and wanting people to watch him masturbate. He yelled at you and told you to never do it again? Did he at least try to reassure you in some way? If not, this guy clearly doesn't care about your feelings. I'd be insecure too after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Caitie Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 I never turn him down sexually, in fact, he's the one always turning me down! It hurts to know that he would rather chat with those women instead of making love to me. I saw on his email account that he has started broadcasting himself on chaturbate. I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 Excuse me for my bluntness but you know what to do. You just need find the inner strength and courage to do it. Please dont settle for this jerk. NEVER waste time on a guy that turns you down and turns to webcam chatting instead. There are plenty of men that wouldnt turn you down!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 I don't think there is an issue with porn, but webcam and the way he seemingly speaks to you is wrong. Also, when I'm in a committed relationship I don't think it's wrong to occasionally look through their stuff. I don't care if they look through mine either. People that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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