confused more than ever

[Courtney]

This is the first time I have visited this site, and I am so overwhelmed by the responses everyone gives. You all may be able to give me the advice I'm looking for.

 

I have been dated this guy for almost two years now. We have been through alot together. I literally did everything for him these past two years. Just recently my best friend of 10 years moved about an hour a way. I started going to visit her about once a week. We started going out and meeting people which is something I had never done before. I really enjoy going out without having to worry about him looking over my shoulder or having to be right at my side.

 

He has accepted the fact that I do this, even though he questions me about everything we do. The funny thing is, I have always treated him like a king. He was never very caring or emotional until I started doing things without him. Now he is almost too sweet, and I feel it isn't genuine. I think maybe he's only doing this because he knows I have started to see that there is life out there, besides living for him 24/7.

 

I'm 20 & he's 21. I realize that I am young and this "party stage" could end. I think sometimes I feel, since I'm graduating college in May, I will have to settle in and focus on just my career and this may be my only time to get the going out lifestyle out of my system. I just don't know, I love him to death as a person, I really do. I just don't know if he's "the one."

 

I don't want to hurt him for many reasons. I love his family as well as mine loves him. But, I always put others happiness before mine, and I thinks it's my turn. The only problem is, I don't want to make the wrong choice. If I break up with him, I don't want it to be a big mistake...but I just don't know what I want to do either way, stay or go. I have never felt so confused until now. Any advice you could offer would be great.

 

Thanks!!

[Tony T]

You don't say a lot about how much you love your guy. You say more about how much you enjoy doing things without him being around.

 

There is no such thing as a wrong decision here if you go with your gut and your feelings. If you are really enjoying yourself going out and meeting people, that's really what life is all about. You say you enjoy your boyfriend not being around. Doesn't sound like a world class romance to me.

 

You are very young. You can enjoy doing what you want for years and years before you finally settle down. Never let another human being keep you from doing the things that make you happy.

 

One day, you will me a guy you just feel like you can't live without, a guy who will gladly give you the space to do what you want, and you will settle down and be quite happy.

 

You are a free human being and you should spend your youth...and the rest of your life for that matter...doing those things tha make you most happy.

 

You sort of imply you don't want to break up with your guy because you don't want to hurt his family. YUK!!! That is the worst reason for not leaving an unfulfilling relationship. If you are notorious for putting other people's happiness before yours, you better learn now that nobody will care more about your happiness than you. If you don't look out for yourself, who else will?

 

Follow your bliss, get rid of the people in your life that hold you back from being happy, and enjoy your freedom now. One day, when you are married, have a few kids, and piles of bills you won't have the same luxury of time you have now.

[Courtney]

Thank you for your advice Tony. I used to think he was the one for me. I used to think I was madly in love with him, only lately have my feelings changed. Is it possible I just fell out of love with him?

[Tony T]

Only you know what your feelings are. But also remember it takes much more than love to sustain a relationship over the long haul.

[Deejette]

It sounds like you are more relieved to be away from the situation you both created (him being the center of your life in the past), than you are madly in love with him.

 

This relationship sounds too burdensome and not enough fun, so you are and were looking for some fun in life.

 

Tony is right. You are still too young to tie yourself down for life when you emotions are so "iffy." It is also a big mistake to treat another person like a king, because he will get used to that level of attention and you will be in a trap of forever having to please "His Highness."

Only you know what your feelings are. But also remember it takes much more than love to sustain a relationship over the long haul.