some observations

[fortyninethousand322]

Pardon my absence from this site, I've been busy and had more pressing things to do than be on here. I went to a work event yesterday (for my job that pays nothing), a kind of formal but casual event. Get some publicity, get the word out, etc.

 

One of the benefits I suppose of reflective is that you can analyze yourself pretty thoroughly. The downsides of course is that sometimes you analyze too much. Anyway, I've noticed some things about myself yesterday

 

1. I’m really intimidated and get inhibited when I’m around people I perceive as “better” than me. I’m a 25 year old guy with not much money, I live at home, and don’t have much of a social or romantic life. I was around a bunch of men and women who were my age or older who had careers and exciting lives and when around them I tended to defer to them. Let them dominate the conversation when women were in the group, etc. I definitely think I’m not an alpha male. Definitely more of a subservient one.

 

2. I look a lot older than I am. One of the guys from my group (known him for only a little while) asked me what it was like being in your 40s, as a serious question. I’m only 25, just turned 25 in fact. I've always been confused for someone much older so it didn't surprise me. But the fact that I look almost 20 years older than my real age disturbs me. It’s not about diet and exercise or getting too much sun or drinking and smoking. I exercise, I watch what I eat and I don’t go sunbathing or smoke or drink. Just bad genetics I suppose, and probably a bit of a turnoff for a lot of women.

 

3. I am generally not attracted to white women. I don’t know why. Every woman who caught my eye at the event was not white. The white women who were there I didn't find attractive at all, despite being physically similar to the non-white women. Thinking back to women I've had crushes on or who I've asked out over the years going back to middle school, overwhelming they were non-white women. A few exceptions of course but in general I haven’t been attracted to white women. This is odd, because it’s been said that people are generally attracted to people of their own race.

 

4. This isn't really an observation, just a situation I guess. I was able to talk for a bit with a girl at the event. Not one on one or anything, I was with my group. We had some things in common, but she seemed more into two other guys who were with us (friends with one of my friends). Anyway, two of my friends said they thought she looked like she liked me and she was kind of excited when I gave her my business card when we were leaving. She was clearly inebriated the entire time though and she kept going on about wanting everyone to come visit her when she left for Australia next month. I don’t know, she was cute and interesting but I am highly skeptical that I’ll ever hear back from her since the whole thing seemed kind of odd.

 

Just some thoughts. Feel free to analyze them.

[fortyninethousand322]

I guess this is just a boring topic. Sorry...

[gaius]

I don't know if subservient is the right word for you. We tangle in the political forum here and there and you don't change your opinion to match anyone else's that I've seen. Don't see you changing your avatar to a smiley face like everybody either. Is the dynamic really that different in real life? It's a pretty big misconception that you have to be the guy who's talking the most in groups to get the girl. There are other factors at play. As long as you don't verbally suck other guys dicks and don't take sh*t you should be ok.

 

You know, honestly, with other guys it's very very rare to find one that actually wants you to succeed. One that won't throw you under the bus if you're trying to get laid. Even if it's not obvious to you on the surface. Especially if they're used to you in the role of the guy that doesn't get laid. I bet you would have better luck with them not around. You know the comment about the age probably had more to do with throwing you under the bus than looking 40.

 

It's fine to be attracted to whoever you're attracted to. Nothing weird about it.

[fortyninethousand322]

Well I shaved my head on Tuesday. Not sure if I look 40 anymore.