crash&burn Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Hi Do you think that its possible that someone can fall back in love after they have fallen out of love with someone? AND Why do women feel as though they're not in love with someone anymore just because their life is a little stressed or the relationship has become too comfortable or as she put it "stale"? Can anyone answer this? Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 YES - it is possible to fall back in love with someone. It takes work, staying in love takes work, and getting back there takes work. Consider... you didn't fall in love with each other with no effort, right? You did special things for each other, behaved a certain way... And your second question... There is more to it that you aren't hearing yet. Sit down and talk with her... it isn't going to be fixed in one session either. Are you married? Just dating? How serious is this relationship? Kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crash&burn Posted September 19, 2004 Author Share Posted September 19, 2004 Hi Lioness, Yeah you're right, it did take work to fall in love with each other, but there was no pressure, we just met, enjoyed talking to each other, connected and worked on it from there. This is different now, theres pressure and expectations involved. To answer your question, we WERE just dating, broke up about 2 months ago, were together about 2 and a half years, she is 25 I am 23. We had a really good relationship up until about 3-4 months before she broke it off, she started to seem distant from me and didn't want to be intimate. As for not hearing what else is involved, I have spoken with her, she said she didn't really know what happend, things got boring, she felt as though she wasn't in love with me anymore, the friends option is defintely there, we're still on very good terms, she still loves me, just not in love with me. The reason I put it down to those few aspects was that she was under stress, with finishing uni and going through a long interview process for the job she wanted when she finishes uni this year. We hadn't been doing the things we used to do when we started dating for a number of reasons, which she didn't blame on me, just said it was the situation. I've mentioned on other posts that she has said that she adores me and said I didn't do anything wrong, nor could I fix it, as she had made up her mind. I'm having a lot of trouble moving on, what we had was special, she just plain and simply got bored, wants to do her own thing, focus on herself (finish uni, go to the gym, read, hang out with her friends). It seems like such a harsh outcome and perhaps a decision that may make both of us unhappy in the long run. At no stage has she given me any sign that she wants to work things out. She hasn't lead me on, or given me mixed signals. She's content with her decision, she's not seeing or wanting to see anyone else. Now I can do the friends thing and perhaps work on myself, maybe date other women and wait until she's ready.. then try and works things out. But what I want is just answers to why she is doing this, I thought that other women on here may have expereinced what she is going through or know others who have. I just want to know where shes at mentally and if its just a stage in her life that women go through? Thanks for talking to me Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 I say it is just a stage she is going through and if you really want to and put in the effort you two can eventually get back together again. The only issue I see (and this is a general issue) is that women can hang iht the guy they love or loved in a friends way and the feelings start to come back and instead of acting on them and getting closer to the guy they will pull themselves away. I am in this situation right now with my ex. We talked for the first time in over a year yesterday and she wants to hang out as friends because right now she just can't put in the effort for a relationship. My problem is I don't know if I want to do that because I am almost positive she still has feelings or if she doesn't she will get them back the more we hang out and well, I am thinking she will pull herself away instead of just go with things and let ehr feelings show/control her actions and that will just lead us back to where we were last year. All I know is I bet this situation is a killer for her. There she has this great guy she most likely realizes is the one for her but because of her current situation with work, etc she doesn't feel she can handle the relationship with him while managing the job and other stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
weweregods Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Falling in love again is possible, but - and this is different then anyone else will tell you - you have to STOP working at it. Were you working at it before, when you were dating? Were you having long stressful conversations about love and life. Were you needing time and space and "no contact" then? Of course you weren't, because you never lost love... What you lost in your relationship was attraction. She feels comfortable with you. What you have to do now is suprise her with what a different person you are then what she thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crash&burn Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 Any suggestions on what I should do and more importantly, how I should go about it, how to show her without her feeling as though I'm doing it intentionally to try and win her back? She is a few years older than me (25) and has just finished uni, got her dream job and is moving 45 minutes away, in January. So I get the feeling that she feels as though she is moving on with a new passage in her life and that I'm just a chapter that is now finishing. I know its hard for you to give me suggestions without knowing the full story, but just imagine, that she felt in a rutt, stresses with life/uni, felt bored in our relationship. Thanks Crash Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Ease her rutt and just be her friend......all you can do unless you want to ignore her and do NC and HOPE she decides you were the one and comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
weweregods Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Check out the advice I gave in this thread: http://64.4.30.250:80/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=894680eae2d18e7fa59a544c21ba2bdb&lat=1095994631&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2eloveshack%2eorg%2fforums%2ft47988%2f%3fgoto%3dnewpost. I suggest all the same to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Brooklyn8503 Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 i believe that you can fall in love again. my ex bf did the same thing you gf did. we didn't talk for a month but i kept telling him i need to talk about my feelings. we finally went to a local park and sat on a bench and talked for about 2 hours. he still loves me but only as a friend now. i told him i'm still in love with him and i even went so far as to ask if we could ever possibly rekindle what we once had. he said at the time "i don't know." it was a very truthful and honest answer. i told him i still want him in my life at least as a friend and i will fight to keep him in my life because we had that magical connection. we talk every day now and we go out and enjoy activities together. and subconsciencely, the feelings are coming back between the 2 of us. i haven't really realized this until yesterday but i find us cuddling again and hugging a little more romantically then from our time after our breakup. we've also been giving each other pecks on the cheek which was one thing i was very apprehensive about because i din't know if his feelings were there. if you want it to work out, i would tell you to work at being friends with the intent of possibly getting back together but don't work too hard because you want everything you do to be natural and not seem like your on a mission to get her back. i'm making a move with my ex and i think we're both hoping this will fuel our relationship back to where it used to be but i'm still a bit reserved becuase i don't want to feel the pain again. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbgirl Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Brooklyn - Congratulations on getting a second chance! Your story sounds identical to mine....my ex boyfriend said the exact same things to me and I said the same things to him that you did to your ex. My only problem is that although I have told him numerous times I want him in my life as a friend...we still do not talk. He said that it is too hard for him to talk to me right now and that essentially, I have to wait for him to contact me. He is seeing someone else now (started to 1 week after we broke up!) and he even claims that he forgot my birthday a few weeks ago. I don't know how to go about working on a friendship with him because we don't even talk right now. Any advice? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Brooklyn8503 Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 with my situation, we were apart for about 2 months and he avoided me at every cost. i would leave him notes on his car at work telling him why i needed to talk so badly to him and after a while i stopped and he finally confronted me one day at work and told me i didn't deserve what he did to me. i kindly told him i understood that he's a guy and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. he, too, also started dating another girl a week after our breakup and that ended very fast. the two of us have an identical thought process, too, so i also know that if i'm feeling a certain way, he most likely is too. i just gave it time and it hurt and i started to lose hope but he finally came around. i felt bad bothering him all the time but now that i have him back, i make sure to do something with him about once a week so that we don't get too far apart. that's about all i can tell you because our stories will part ways eventually and then you'll have to go with your own intuition. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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