lifelesson101 Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 It has been over two months of NC. I have done well, all things considered. For some reason I am really, really struggling today - The past couple of days I have desperately wanted to contact him. And not to be nice either. I want to give him a piece of mind. I vacillate between furious and broken hearted tears Help?! Give me good reasons not to send him a note and tell him what dickwad he was for the way he handled things at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Because he won't care and your words will be wasted. Because he will think "ha, she's not over me and I can get her back if I want" Because when the time comes, the best revenge will be to say absolutely nothing and let your actions talk rather than words. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
who_am_i Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 It has been over two months of NC. I have done well, all things considered. For some reason I am really, really struggling today - The past couple of days I have desperately wanted to contact him. And not to be nice either. I want to give him a piece of mind. I vacillate between furious and broken hearted tears Help?! Give me good reasons not to send him a note and tell him what dickwad he was for the way he handled things at the end. I'm with ya. The weekends are always so much harder for me with all the extra time to think. Yesterday someone else was saying the same thing. It's been just over two months for me and there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about calling him. And though it's still so hard, I can't imagine giving in and having to start over from the beginning again. I've been so strong until now and if I call it would have all been for nothing. I told the OP that I read someplace when we're heartbroken we think that making contact will help with the pain, but all it really ends up doing is making it worse. The article said that in most cases we are not going to get the answers/reply that we are hoping for and that will only set us back emotionally to the beginning....and that's if they even reply at all. The thought of feeling the way I did right after d-day scares the crap out of me. There is no way I am going to do that to myself again. Besides, he knows exactly where to find me. If he was interested in talking to me he would have no problem at all finding me. Unfortunately, I don't think that will ever be the case. I deserve more. WE deserve more! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifelesson101 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you so much for replying. I really needed to hear what you had to share. Right - he does know how contact me! And he hasn't done so. I need to keep that in mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 You can write a "Dear Dickwad" letter here. Tell the universe about it. Get it out of your mind....... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Athens Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Protect yourself and stay strong....do not contact him if you both agreed to NC. Take care of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 You know, there was all this stuff I wanted to say to xOM after it was over. So I wrote it all down, and it was a lot. Sometimes it was nice stuff, sometimes not so nice. As time went by the stuff I "would say if I could" got less and less and less...now it's nothing. There's absolutely nothing I want to say to him, and nothing I want to hear from him. I think it just takes time. Stick with it and congrats on making it two months! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Contacting him will give him power over you. A huge ego feed that you are still emotional, mad about everything, and he will not reply back to you. or if he does, be prepared for a big ol' F-U, don't dare contact me again email back. Let it go..Vent it out here. For own sanity and sake, do NOT send him what you are thinking and feeling. It is over and you two are in NC mode. There is no point to reach out and contact him, even out of anger. Don't do it!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifelesson101 Posted April 21, 2013 Author Share Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) You can write a "Dear Dickwad" letter here. Tell the universe about it. Get it out of your mind....... I love this suggestion. Here goes. I hop you all don't think I am a total basket case loser! LOL Dear Dickwad, We shared more than two years together. We talked about everything . . . including the ending of our relationship. We both agreed to give each other free reign to end it at anytime, no questions asked. Then your wife found out. . . It is ok that you ended it with me. I understand that and I understand the need for it. We made no promises; you made no promises. I just effing hate the way you did it. A two line, crappy email, stating how bad it was for you at home and we had to go “no contact.” I get it, I do. But would it have killed you to exhibit a shred of kindness or basic human decency? Especially since you spent the last two years telling me how much you loved me and contacting me daily, sometime 3 or 4 times a day! Any thought for what I MIGHT BE FEELING? That’s right… I forgot, it is all about poor little victim you… I never put a pistol to your head, sir. You did everything of your own volition. I don’t want an apology. I just wanted you to be nice in the end - even (if you had to pretend) like you cared – just a little bit. Eff-U, Me. Edited April 21, 2013 by lifelesson101 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 You're not a loser! I sincerely do not understand why when an affair ends, there is this - this - I dunno - supposition that one is a loser. Relationships, when they end, when a person is in effect "dumped", don't feel good! Sure, we made a mistake. We made a bad choice. Those of us that are knowingly involved with a person that is married or otherwise promised to another. But stack up the entirety of who we are in life? No. We're not losers. Or POS's. You're not a LOSER. You weren't in a race to win anything. It's not LOST, it's just OVER. It's finished. Dear Dickwad! Oh how that makes me giggle to say that. For whatever reason, I find it funny to say out loud. I hope you start to feel better. Get the anger out. Because, justifiable or not, it's taking up rent free space in your mind. Kick it out! Evict it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Here's something a male on here wrote and I saved it on my phone for moments I want to break NC. I have a lot of them from LS: This One Is Easy My dear, It is very "simple". This one is wobbly, which means he isn't sure, which means you are going to stew with confusion for as long as things remain as they are--and they will until you lay down the law. You tell this Romeo that he must go away and stay away until he is completely 100% there for you in mind, body and spirit. This is not to say he will then not have any fleeting thoughts of his ex--that will be natural post divorce. But you must put this to the test to find out if you are the one for him, and not just one of two possibilities.... It hurts, it stings, and as they say here, "it sucks". But, your self respect will go through the roof and his respect for you will also sky rocket. It looks really good when a person acts out of genuine self confidence and self respect. There is often so little of it out there. You might have to swallow the bitter pill, but it is just what will cure you... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 Here's something a male on here wrote and I saved it on my phone for moments I want to break NC. I have a lot of them from LS: This One Is Easy My dear, It is very "simple". This one is wobbly, which means he isn't sure, which means you are going to stew with confusion for as long as things remain as they are--and they will until you lay down the law. You tell this Romeo that he must go away and stay away until he is completely 100% there for you in mind, body and spirit. This is not to say he will then not have any fleeting thoughts of his ex--that will be natural post divorce. But you must put this to the test to find out if you are the one for him, and not just one of two possibilities.... It hurts, it stings, and as they say here, "it sucks". But, your self respect will go through the roof and his respect for you will also sky rocket. It looks really good when a person acts out of genuine self confidence and self respect. There is often so little of it out there. You might have to swallow the bitter pill, but it is just what will cure you... Yes - CURES ARE PAINFUL. As people, we often want RELIEF. But relief isn't a cure............. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted April 21, 2013 Share Posted April 21, 2013 (edited) It has been over two months of NC. I have done well, all things considered. For some reason I am really, really struggling today - The past couple of days I have desperately wanted to contact him. And not to be nice either. I want to give him a piece of mind. I vacillate between furious and broken hearted tears Help?! Give me good reasons not to send him a note and tell him what dickwad he was for the way he handled things at the end. You are a better person then he deserves. Edited April 21, 2013 by canuckprincess 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Stay strong Sister. Love the Dear Dickwad letter. You can do this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ilovememore Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Two months; wow, that is great! You should be really proud of yourself. I've only made it through one month (today, yay!!), but this is the second time I'm at the one-month mark. So I understand the longing you're experiencing and the pain of it not being satisfied. But I also understand this: I lost a little bit of my self esteem when I easily slipped back into the highs and lows of our demented relationship, but he lost a lot more respect for me when I caved the first time. He thought I was easy, a sure thing, and that he had me at hello. I won't ever let this happen to me again; neither should you. Nor do I ever want to yet again revisit the pain I've already lived through and have to do relive through it ever again. No more groundhog days for me or for you!! After making it two months with no contact, you surely don't want to start all over again; do you? I truly believe that the only way we can really get to the other side and begin living a full and satisfying existence is to go cold turkey. NC just doesn't cut it. It's like saying your staying away from the liquor store, but not yet swearing off alcohol. Your an addict and the only way to quit is to quit once and for all. Right now, those of us trying to leave this beautiful nightmare in the past are like people trying to quit a drug like cigarettes or heroine or vodka. If we even have one drink or one puff or shoot up all over again, we may feel instant gratification, but we lose all the forward momentum we've gained and have to give up the addiction starting on day one all over again. The more often you relapse, the worse you feel about yourself and the harder it is to start from scratch all over again. So give yourself one big pat on the back, congratulate yourself on being so strong, reach for the better thought that you will find your own, beautiful, fulfilling happiness around the corner and down the road. The corner is just in front of you. The road thereafter may be a little scary or uncertain, but trust that it's going to be one you walk down with your head held high. Remember, too, it's a heck of a lot easier to make it around the the corner and get to that sweet spot down the road when you walk forward, not backwards. Good luck. You inspire me! xo, I love me more 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifelesson101 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Share Posted April 22, 2013 Stay strong Sister. Love the Dear Dickwad letter. You can do this. Thank you all for being so kind and gracious. I know none of you know me personally; but I have to say, posting that letter, showing the vulnerability - even here- was very, very hard for me. But it helped immensely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 Any thought for what I MIGHT BE FEELING? That’s right… I forgot, it is all about poor little victim you… I never put a pistol to your head, sir. You did everything of your own volition. fMOW and BS here. These MM do not think about anyone else but themselves including their own wife and children! Keep up the good work with NC. Eventually he will be someone that you used to know and for a good reason! Only allow others to treat you the way you want to be treated 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 LL - I could be you. We were over the 2 yr mark. Also had the same agreement. Either one can end it at any time. No questions. Sucks. Cause I have a million. I sometimes write to him at our email account and send them to myself never him. But I liked the other posters suggestion. Why not start a "Dear Dickwad" thread? somehow I don't think your alone in your feelings!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 "Dear Dickwad" thread? I think this is a very good idea, could be quite cathartic. BS and OW have more in common than you think. At least I do . I'd like to write my WH my own "Dear Dickwad" letter and the MOW can add her bit too see how he likes that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifelesson101 Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 LL - I could be you. We were over the 2 yr mark. Also had the same agreement. Either one can end it at any time. No questions. Sucks. Cause I have a million. I sometimes write to him at our email account and send them to myself never him. But I liked the other posters suggestion. Why not start a "Dear Dickwad" thread? somehow I don't think your alone in your feelings!! I love this idea ladies! I think I will start a "Dear Dickwad" thread and see what happens. It may be truly cathartic for women to write down exactly what they would like to say to the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
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