Any hope?

[tinroof]

I have been dating this guy for about 6 months and I had never been happier. I had huge trust and vulnerability issues from a previous relationship and this guy was so perfect. If I ever had any insecurities he would go over the moon to reassure me. He ended up telling me he loved me very early into the relationship and told me I wasn't like anyone he had ever met before and had never felt like this and he had been in long term serious relationships prior. Seeing him made me so happy and it was obvious to me and to everyone else that he was crazy about me too. He talked to me about the future and marriage and a family and would constantly tell me I was too good to be true and I couldn't help but think the same. His optimism and attitude were infectious and I had no doubts that he was the one for me.

 

We worked together initially and got to see each other quite often. However the position was seasonal and I went back to school an hour away and he worked part time elsewhere. He was very low on money and started to get very stressed about his financial stability and his career. He acquired a second job and was working insane hours which meant I only got to see him maybe once every three or four weeks and we talked on the phone as often as possible. His ex was always in the picture as well. Right off the bat when I said i was uncomfortable with the situation he told me that he had no feelings for her whatsoever and that they were friends, since they had been in each others lives for so long, but had no future together. It was clear to me that she still had feelings for him and it bothered me that she remained close to his family and made me feel like there were shoes I could never fill.

 

With those insecurities and the fact that I got to see him less and less, towards the last couple months I started to get really bitter and I could tell I was only adding more stress to his situation. Therefore I tried to remain supportive instead, and if I had a hard time I would suck it up and rather then get mad just let him know how much I cared for him. He found a seasonal job in the south and knew he would be leaving but we still agreed to try and make it work. He continued to tell me he loved me and missed me and when I did get to see him I could tell he was so happy to see me and I had no doubts whatsoever. We'd had several talks in the past about his change in behavior and if he still wanted this and he continued to say that he was stressed and was consumed with worries about money and his career but he loved me immensely and didn't want me to worry. The worst part was that we would make plans and somehow they always managed to fall through. I was starting to get fed up and feeling unwanted. But he would call and I could tell he felt bad for constantly disappointing me and told me I deserved better. I told him I loved him and would fight to make this work because I thought it was worth it and he agreed.

 

The past week however, I found out he met up with some friends including his ex for the weekend and he didn't inform me of the meeting whatsoever. At that point I had had enough and basically gave him no other option than to leave the relationship. If he made time for them, especially his ex, and not for me then I was obviously not his first priority. He said he thought that when he left for his new job over the summer it was best that he was on his own and it was unfair of him to ask me to wait. At this point, having caught him in his lie I didn't even argue and just agreed and ended the conversation at that and haven't heard from him since. I guess I am just so confused as to how a relationship could go from so perfect to so distant. Was he just too stressed and the timing wasn't right? And he hasn't spoken to me since the break up which has been a few days. On one hand I ended the conversation and also haven't spoken to him but I can't help but think he is going to realize he has made a huge mistake and make it all up to me, but I don't want to think unrealistically. Any advice would be great. I don't want to be with someone who lies to me and doesn't make time for me due to stress, but I also know he is not a bad guy and even though he will have to make it up to me BIG TIME if he wants a second chance, I also would like to give him the benefit of the doubt. Is there any way he will realize he was an idiot and make it up to me?

[ForeverHopeful1]

It sounds like he has reconciled with her to be honest. After 6 months, you dont know someone well enough to really know if they are a good guy or a bad guy. After this short amount of time together, he could be a serial killer for all you know... He could also be a great person. Dont get me wrong. You just dont know someone well enough yet after 6 months.

 

It sounds like you were a rebound, he then had an opportunity to reconcile with her, and he dropped you like a piece of crap. He sounds like he is feeding you all sorts of BS so you dont feel like he is a horrible person... which would look bad on him. God forbid he looked like a dick.

 

He probably wont come running back to tell you how amazing you are and how much of an idiot he was until she dumps him or they break up for whatever reason. Dont be an option!!! Be a priority. Dont let him do this crap to you. Wake up. Smell the roses. Youre second best.

 

In 1965, you should have given people the benefit of the doubt. Its time (in 2013) where those same rules dont apply to people anymore. Sadly, you cannot give everyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. The world is a completely different place. You need to give people enough rope to hang themselves, and when they do, you need to be smart enough to walk away. He doesnt love you, or he wouldnt be doing this to you. He will call you when he is done with her. If you are willing to overlook that, then cool. Just know, you are not his first choice.