BF being secretive with phone

[thestine]

So my bf says he's a really private person... and he seems to be especially so when it comes to his phone.

 

Basically, he deletes all texts etc. every day, has it set so the message content doesn't show in the notification, sometimes holds his phone at an angle away from me when I'm sitting beside him.

 

Yesterday he got a couple texts when he was over, within minutes he said he was gonna leave and put his phone in his pocket, but of course I see him take it out as soon as he gets out the door. Could be a coincidence and he was already planning on leaving, not sure.

 

We've talked about it before and all he says is he's not hiding anything, he's just always been like that. He asked me about my facebook and stuff and I said I would gladly let him look at my phone, I never delete anything and I have nothing to hide... all he said was "well no, I don't want that"

 

Plus I know that he found out his ex wife was cheating on him by checking her text messages, so there's that too.

 

The whole situation makes me so uncomfortable when he gets a text.

 

Am I being irrational or are these red flags?

[wheream_i]

BF as in y'all have been together a few-several months? He's being secretive because he's either had a previous girl go through his phone and bust him or he just wants his time away to do his own thing or he really is up to no good.

 

God, I hate giving up tricks of the trade of us men.

[thestine]

Lol, your tricks?

 

We've been together about a year and a half. He's lied to me a few times about minor things that I found out later.

[wheream_i]

Lol, your tricks?

 

We've been together about a year and a half. He's lied to me a few times about minor things that I found out later.

 

Yes, tricks. I don't speak for all men and I don't mean that we or I am always up to no good. I'm just saying that you should be able to figure it out all on your own. Especially if you've been with him a year and a half.

 

Exactlt what "minor" things did he lie to you about? I'll let you know my opinion after you tell me.

[thestine]

Exactlt what "minor" things did he lie to you about? I'll let you know my opinion after you tell me.

 

Just about stuff that's going on in his life... like I'll know something is up with him and he'll say no, everything is fine, then days later he'll tell me he had a fight with his ex or something and that's why he's been acting strange.

 

When we were first together and I'd ask him if he wanted to hang out the next day, he'd say he didn't know if he was gonna have his kids or not. He told me recently that he was just unsure about us and didn't wanna commit so he used that as an excuse.

 

Or he's hung out at his ex's or gone out with her & the kids, but didn't tell me until I prodded or "guilted" him into telling me. (I only prodded because my gut was telling me something was off)

[ForeverHopeful1]

So he has gone out with ex girlfriends behind your back and you are wondering if now he is hiding messages from them?

[thestine]

ex-wife... they have 2 kids together and trying to show them that they get along.

 

I've had dinner with my ex and our daughter, but not since this became a more serious relationship.

[amaysngrace]

He's lied to me a few times about minor things that I found out later.

 

That's really all you need to know.

[thestine]

thanks for the replies!

[xilver]

My gf suspects me of cheating because I am secretive with my phone. But it really is how I am. I leave my ringer off unless I am expecting a call and I don't like to talk in front of her or anyone. I will let her go through my phone if she asks because I have nothing to hide even though it seems like I do. Since he doesn't want you going through his phone I think it is because he is doing something wrong or there may be a convo that could be taken the wrong way and he doesn't want to have to explain himself and start an argument over nothing.

[Harradin]

On my old phone, it would randomly call emergency services or other people in my pocket and my friends are the type who mess around with each other's phones so I had a passcode lock, then another lock (with a different password) for contacts, texts, anything that could be messed around with.

 

My ex got really up tight about it when she picked up my phone and complained I was hiding something from her, so I took off all the locks and gave the phone to her. She drilled me about every single girl (nothing happened with any of them before my ex) contact I had on my phone, it shut her up pretty quickly. Ironically she (strong suspicion she did) cheated on me, was quite hypocritical! My reasoning does sound dodgy but I don't lie and it was true at the time.

 

Unless you really feel something's not right (cheating etc) then I wouldn't worry about it!

[Almond_Joy]

The daily text deletion is a red flag. I'm intensely private and do a lot of the things your guy does -silent ringer, angling away when texting, taking calls in private, etc.. That I could understand. But deleting your texts DAILY? That tells me that at any given time, if you were to see his phone, you would find something incriminating. So to be sure he just deletes all evidence on a regular basis.

 

That coupled with him lying about his availability earlier in the relationship? Yeah, he's got his sights set somewhere else if he's not cheating already. I think you should leave.

[Jbum5]

OP, you are being too optimistic - this guy is not a government secret agent so the fact that he deletes all texts everyday makes him either guilty or paranoid. If it's the former, you should be worried; if the latter, then he has some serious trust issues and it might impact your relationship in another way.

[crederer]

These are red flags for sure.

 

I've been there. My ex had no problems with me going through her phone (not necessarily snooping but putting pics on fb and stuff like that, or making calls if my phone was dead). Until one day she started becoming so protective of her phone.

 

She used to answer texts immediately upon recieving them, answered the phone all the time. Then all the sudden she wouldn't answer them around me. I heard her get a text and asked if she was going to answer it, and she said "I'll get to it later." I got up a few minutes later to go to the bathroom, and when I come out she's answering the text and promptly closes her phone and puts it away.

 

There were a bunch of other things as well, like she started taking her phone with her all the time. Wouldn't leave it on the table or anything (where as she did before), she'd even take it in the bathroom with her and stuff.

 

I was like you and thinking I was paranoid. But one day she forgot her phone, and since I was suspicious, I looked through it. She was having semi inappropriate conversations with her ex. It wasn't sexual but telling him she misses him and a bunch of other stuff no bf wants their girl to do.

 

I had another ex that was almost doing the exact same thing too, and it turned out she was cheating on me with several different men.

[Tinie]

Wow, have people lost trust in each other completely? Such that doing things like going through phones and facebook is now the thing? That's just sad.

[Dana1313]

I used to be super naive in the sense I believed no one would say he loved me and do me wrong...trust your gut....this feels funky!!! I would dump his ass.