curiousboi001 Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Hi, ive been watching porn for about 7 years of my life and i recently started having sex with my girlfreind who I love so much. However, I realized that its not as good because my expectations are so high. I wanted it to be like how it is in the porns. Then I realized I have a problem and now I am trying to quit porn. In my opinion, I do think that porn is a type of drug. I constantly think about going back to it. However, My explorer history has been porn free for about 2 weeks and I noticed some improvements. I noticed that I get more turned on now that Im fooling around with my girlfriend. And I dont always wanna go back home and look at porn after im done with her. In a sense I want to make her my new addiction! But recently Ive been having these joilts that give me the urge to look at porn again. I dont wanna let myself or her down. Any tips on how to get my mind off it?ANY comments are welcomed. Thanx for the read! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Tony posted a great link yesterday: http://www.loveshack.org/redir.php?r=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sexualcontrol.com%2Fmasturbation-addiction.html and some months ago, other folks posted these links which I reposted here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=295765#post295765 because my expectations are so high. I wanted it to be like how it is in the porns. But it's all acting! You don't believe what you're watching is real, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Originally posted by curiousboi001 Hi, ive been watching porn for about 7 years of my life and i recently started having sex with my girlfreind who I love so much. However, I realized that its not as good because my expectations are so high. I wanted it to be like how it is in the porns. Then I realized I have a problem and now I am trying to quit porn. In my opinion, I do think that porn is a type of drug. I constantly think about going back to it. Try Sex-aholics --- you may be addicted to sex. My bf used to watch porn too but I just happen to be a really good looking woman, so good for me that he prefers me really and I am sure he may have a "problem" regardless with "sex" and porn. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by curiousboi001 Hi, ive been watching porn for about 7 years of my life and i recently started having sex with my girlfreind who I love so much. However, I realized that its not as good because my expectations are so high. I wanted it to be like how it is in the porns. Well in my opinion, sex is never as good as you expect it to be if your a porn watcher or not. My wife and I have sex about once or twice a month which gives me alot of time to masturbate and fantasize about sex. I get to the point of depression because I am not sexually active more often. When the wife and I plan a "sex date" the anticipation is so great. Once the sex is over I am like "this is what I am so upset that I am not getting?" Link to post Share on other sites
hurtinheart Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 HOW ABOUT WATCHING PORN TOGETHER ONCE IN AWHILE!!!! U CAN TRY NEW THINGS TOGETHER!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sassyone Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 My husband is addicted to porn. He will quite happily leave me in the living room on my own while he sits on his ass and surfs through pictures and video clips..then when he's all turned on thinks he can walk in the room and get groovy with me...HELL NO! If i don't turn him on enough unless he watches porn first then he can get stuffed. Im not a substitute to some woman on the web or in a mag. What the hell is wrong with men these days. I can certainly understand why the divorce rate is so high now..and also the fact on why more women are becoming bi sexual and lezbians..all power to them..i think we are breeding them wrong lmao. On a serious note....i have had discussion after discussion about how it upsets me and how i feel unwanted and unloved and unworthy and yet he still continues to do it. I get told to "not be so silly" and "of course i love you" but ya know guys...actions speak louder than words. And he certainly has no excuse at the fact that he has a high sex drive because so do i...women have needs just as much as men do. My interpretation is that men masturbate to porn because they either lack imagination or they are just too damm lazy to use it. I'll never understand them...they never grow up! I keep reminding him that if he wants to go back to being a porn obsessed bachelor then to let me know because im getting pretty tired of it being one of his top priorites when he comes home from work...let alone "hows ur day been hun" or "how have the kids been"....nothing like that....a drink...a hug...a kiss and straight on the pc. Link to post Share on other sites
man x Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 men lack imagination? Hello!!!!!!!!! What about Picasso, Beethoven, Edison, Martin Luther King "I have a DREAM", Einstein?? Give me a break. Women just complain and can't get anything done in the practical world- they spend their time backbiting, showing off their bodies and gossiping. Why can't they be open and honest like men? Instead they like to play mind games and be secretive (hey, come on, you asked for it by making sexist generalizations!) ________________________________________________________________________________________ Anyway, that aside, I DO feel for you. There's no difference between porn and narcotics- they both act like highly addictive drugs on the brain- recent studies show this. I suggest that you suggest to your husband that he get more exercise- you see, all that testosterone is meant to be used in one way or another- if its not constructively used, its gonna come out destructively (ie. porn)- its like the water in a dam. Actually, "T" was designed to allow men to perform vigorous hard physical labor or exercise. Another thing is, cut down on dairy products, spicy foods, and red meat (and other meats too)- they all irritate the prostate gland via uric acid and send false arousal messages to the brain; instead eat lots of fruit and veggies and drink more water. He should also seriously consider taking a martial art (don't laugh now)- it definitely builds up willpower(to resist porn in this case) and burns up excess testosterone as well- and at the very least he will be too exhausted to even think about porn. Spirituality and meditation always eases burning passions- but I don't know if you guys are into that. Bottom line: idle minds are very bad things- keep the mind busy always. Link to post Share on other sites
JJ10101 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I have always found porn and masturbation to be better than sex with a real person, including my wife. Trouble is if you want all the advantages of marriage who have to do your duty and be available when the partner wants sex. Porn can make this difficult as you get so used to being aroused a certain way that intercourse is just not that stimulating. It upsets the partner when you lose your erection half way through or can't ejaculate because you just aren't aroused enough. I'd be perfectly happy to forgo partner sex altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 How about digging a little deeper into your relationship and see if you can figure out why you feel the need to look at what you're looking at. Its rarely about sex anyway, it usually goes a little deeper. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 sex is never as good as you expect it to be Gosh, I have to respectfully disagree. fredrolin, you post the saddest sack-type comments all the time. I really think you need some help. I don't know what, excatly - just some help. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 You can use porn to get ideas on how to make your sex life more exciting. Also, please don't just transfer your addiction to your GF. That spells trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
arcadia Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 god this thread depresses me to no end. I already felt crappy enough about my boyfriend's porn addiction, but hearing all these guys talking about how they would rather watch porn than have sex.. geeeeez now i am really paranoid.. so i have a few questions for those men that find porn equally or more appealing than actual sex: 1: Are you uninterested in your partner based on their physical appearance? too fat? too thin? small boobs? what? What could be done in your partners case to help you feel more aroused by them? 2: Is the sex with your partner not interesting enough? Do you want more spice? New positions? Toys? 3: Do you just not feel like taking the time to have sex with your partner? Is the thought of having to satisfy them too a mood breaker? i would really appreciate some open, honest answers to these questions... to help us ladies understand. We want to make our men happy, sometimes we just need a little direction! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by arcadia god this thread depresses me to no end. I already felt crappy enough about my boyfriend's porn addiction, but hearing all these guys talking about how they would rather watch porn than have sex.. geeeeez now i am really paranoid.. so i have a few questions for those men that find porn equally or more appealing than actual sex: 1: Are you uninterested in your partner based on their physical appearance? too fat? too thin? small boobs? what? What could be done in your partners case to help you feel more aroused by them? 2: Is the sex with your partner not interesting enough? Do you want more spice? New positions? Toys? 3: Do you just not feel like taking the time to have sex with your partner? Is the thought of having to satisfy them too a mood breaker? i would really appreciate some open, honest answers to these questions... to help us ladies understand. We want to make our men happy, sometimes we just need a little direction! I am a woman, and I enjoy porn. I watch it by myself, don't necessarily watch it with guys I am seeing or anything like that. I know you addressed this quesiton to men, but I kinda feel like - hey, man, that sucks that women make this grand generalization that all men like porn and all women hate it. I love it. It's not because I want this that or the other in my real sex life. Sometimes I don't want to go through all the stuff to have sex. I'm tired and I just want an orgasm for chrissake, and women (I have dated both women and men) can be so....needy! Like they want a cuddle and all this foreplay and I just don't like all that sometimes. Sometimes I just want to have an O and be done with it. I also get ideas for sex from porn. I have sex pretty frequently, I am a once a day or more kinda chick, and I also like to do my business to porn as well. I really seriously don't see what to big deal is.... Link to post Share on other sites
arcadia Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 i wasnt really addressing my question to JUST men, but seeing the ones that posted in this thread defending it were men, i was direction it towards them, but i value a woman's opinion too! i wasnt planning on getting into my personal issues with the porn topic, but as you and so many others ask what the big deal is and say they don't understand it, i just wanna give my opinion in a nutshell. i do want to start off my saying that i watch porn too. I like it a lot! I watch it sometimes when my boyfriend isnt home and i really feel in the mood. And i am totally for him doing the same thing. Unfortunately, not unlike alcohol and food abuse, too much of anything can lead to a big issue. If my boyfriend were like me and watched porn a couple times a month and was open about it and wanted to share it with me sometimes then i would have no problem at all. Problem is, he isn't at all like that. He hides it, he lies about it, he isnt interested in watching porn with me and he watches it any time i am not in the house. Even if i only go outside for a short period of time. Any time he can get his hands on it he does. And there have been times when i have been rejected for sex because i had just gotten home and he had spent his alone time with the porn. In my personal opinion, anytime someone lies about their behavior, there is a problem. It leads to trust issues in a relationship. And in extreme cases, the addiction to porn can lead to things much worse. In my case, my boyfriend evolved from watching porn all the time to having cyber sex every day. That was not cool in my book. A lot of women on this board suffer from men who will not have sex with them but still constantly watch porn. i think anyone would start to resent the porn if it was getting more attention than they are. So to those of you that don't understand what the big deal with porn is, you obviously havent dealt with a partner that abused it. It does happen and it sucks. I do get kind of pissed off at some people on here that blow off the problem and say the person needs to get over it. Would you say the same thing about someone addicted to alchohol? Or junk food? Sex addiction can be just as damaging to a relationship as either of those things. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Well, part of my issue (read:codependent enabler, ha ha) is that since I am in psych, I have a terminal ability to understand why people choose the things they choose. For example, many men were taught to be ashamed of masturbating. Case in point - men like to watch their partners masturbate, but few women like to watch their men masturbate without have some kind of orgasmic participation (ie mutual masturbation, etc.). Most women didn't grow up jacking off as quietly as possible in the bathroom, hoping no one would catch you. Habitually, many used porn to facilitate masturbatory excitement and thus the practice extends into adulthood. The man becomes conditioned to privacy during the act, and can become complusively secretive about it simply from habituation. The way to break this? Address the issue openly, compassionately, without argument or accusation. Clearly explain your issue, outline your boundaries, and explain why you feel the need to establish your boundaries as such. Open lines of communication are the way to solve many trust issues. The point is - don't stand on high ground and try to analyze why he does what he does. Try to look at it from a man's point of view. Watching porn and choosing to engage in cybersex rather than real sex isn't the issue - a fear of intimacy is. Like any addiction - the addiciton in itself is not the major issue. Addiction is a symptom of a bigger problem. As a recovering drug addict and the adult child of an alcoholic I had to figure this out, otherwise I would have been doomed to repeat my cycle of self-abuse and addiction. Also, as with any addict - you can't do anything to stop their addictive process. It's a choice they have to make for themselves. they are either at the point where they are ready to face the music, or they will continue to numb themselves to ever-escalating feelings of internal dischord. Link to post Share on other sites
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