Truth from OW?

[Seek Truth]

Well I finally wrote the OW a letter to find out whether or not my SO is still lying to me. I can't seem to trust my own instincts and just move on. I feel like I need actual "proof" before I can just walk away. I don't know if she will respond to the letter or not. I would like to think that because we were once close friends, that she will.

 

My SO knows I wrote the letter as I asked him his opinion before I did so. He said that she won't reply and if she does, she my lie and say he's still lying to try to hurt him/me. I know her and I think she would not respond before she would respond and lie about anything. MHO.

 

Well my SO read the letter and then was suddenly angry. When I finally got him to talk about it he said he was upset that I said things to make him look bad and that would hurt her feelings and make her think bad of him. In a sense I got the feeling like he was trying to protect her feelings. She is the mother of his newborn child - and he claims he just wants to forget about both of them and doesn't want me to bring it up anymore.

 

Because there is another child involved, this is never going to go away. He's crazy to think it will. I'm trying hard to get past all this but honestly I'm getting sick of wondering what other lies he's telling or secrets he's not telling. Since I'm not getting truth from him - I turned to the OW. Hopefully I will get the answers I'm looking for.

[a-luvin-fool]

I have had the experience in the ame situation that you are in hon! I was 19 when I had to get the truth and I was going to get it one way or another no matter how much it hurt, because there were kids involved and they have no way of protecting themselves from getting hurt except by the one that guides them in life. I called the OW and got the truth and guess what....she was very glad that I had the guts to call!!! I had his child (DNA proof) and she was married to him. we both set him up at his own damn game and BUSTED a BOY and both dropped him.

 

If you still feel like you are not getting the truth; then you need to get out and move on!! You will never be happy and will be miserable wondering all the time. It will be no ones fault but your own for staying after everything you have done to get the truth.

 

I wish you the best of luck in what ever decisions you make---make them wise for the sake of your children and your sanity!!!

[Mr Spock]

You may not get much of a response from her-if you aren't satisfied, give things time and then try again later.

[Merin]

Sorry but wtf is up with your husband saying he just wants to forget HIS baby with this woman?!

 

That ISN'T OKAY!

 

I hope you get the answers you're looking for from this OW... however I say beware anyone who could be so cold regarding thier own offspring... If he could be that uncaring and S***ty about HIS own child who has no blame in any of this, you better know that they are very capable of hurting you without remorse.

[supermom]

Sorry but wtf is up with your husband saying he just wants to forget HIS baby with this woman?!

 

That ISN'T OKAY!

 

I hope you get the answers you're looking for from this OW... however I say beware anyone who could be so cold regarding thier own offspring... If he could be that uncaring and S***ty about HIS own child who has no blame in any of this, you better know that they are very capable of hurting you without remorse.

 

Shows bad character.

 

this is exactly what i thought. OR you could talk to him regarding the baby and what his feelings are. IMHO it would be wrong for him to not pay her something for help. here comes one part: he is willing to punish this helpless child by his mistake he has to pay for that you know! not owning up to it. He also needs to make it right by you You deserve to know everything if you are going to salvage a relationship. Also he shouldn't care unless there is something to hide.

 

He seems like a very selfish man in this issue.

 

Good LUck

[Seek Truth]

He is very selfish. He has a nack for telling people what he thinks they want to hear and his lying is more to protect himself rather than someone else. He was all for the baby until he went to visit her for the birth (out of state) and I found out. Once I found out, he suddenly changed. He signed over rights, doesn't want to talk about either of them and asked his family to never talk about or send photos of them.

 

He claims he hates the mother, (he won't say why) but feels bad for the child - yet blames the mother because she decided to keep the baby rather than terminate. He says she knew he was married and that she would be a single mother and the baby would grow up without a dad. He can't take care of her being states away, nor can he afford to pay child support. He supported the mother up until I found out. Then again, this could be another one of his lies.... Plus, to see her would mean to be reminded of his wrong doing. He doesn't want this. He can't stand what he's done and says he wishes the baby had never been born. He said he didn't tell me she was pregnant because he hoped she would have miscarried and I would have never had to know any of this.

 

The mother doesn't want anything from him. She has a great support system, great job... she's a strong woman. However I've always known she had feelings for my husband since the day I met her. Something about the way she looks at him and acts around him.... I just never thought they would take advantage of anything the first moment I'm not in the area. Still, it's all done. I just want to get the truth. I want to know if he lead her on and made her believe they could have a life together. He says he didn't, but things just don't add up.

 

I'm with him now, but think about leaving daily as I just don't trust him and don't have a lot of hope that I ever will again. I just know he's still lying to me and she can tell me whats true and what is not. If he promised her things and then renigged.... I know he played both of us, but I want to know to what extent. And even if he made his choice to have nothing to do with the child - this doesn't mean that I share his feelings. I want to know this baby as she is the sister to my children and want them to know each other. This in itself could be a problem for H.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Seek Truth

He is very selfish. He has a nack for telling people what he thinks they want to hear and his lying is more to protect himself rather than someone else. He was all for the baby until he went to visit her for the birth (out of state) and I found out. Once I found out, he suddenly changed. He signed over rights, doesn't want to talk about either of them and asked his family to never talk about or send photos of them.

 

He claims he hates the mother, (he won't say why) but feels bad for the child - yet blames the mother because she decided to keep the baby rather than terminate. He says she knew he was married and that she would be a single mother and the baby would grow up without a dad. He can't take care of her being states away, nor can he afford to pay child support. He supported the mother up until I found out. Then again, this could be another one of his lies.... Plus, to see her would mean to be reminded of his wrong doing. He doesn't want this. He can't stand what he's done and says he wishes the baby had never been born. He said he didn't tell me she was pregnant because he hoped she would have miscarried and I would have never had to know any of this.

 

The mother doesn't want anything from him. She has a great support system, great job... she's a strong woman. However I've always known she had feelings for my husband since the day I met her. Something about the way she looks at him and acts around him.... I just never thought they would take advantage of anything the first moment I'm not in the area. Still, it's all done. I just want to get the truth. I want to know if he lead her on and made her believe they could have a life together. He says he didn't, but things just don't add up.

 

I'm with him now, but think about leaving daily as I just don't trust him and don't have a lot of hope that I ever will again. I just know he's still lying to me and she can tell me whats true and what is not. If he promised her things and then renigged.... I know he played both of us, but I want to know to what extent. And even if he made his choice to have nothing to do with the child - this doesn't mean that I share his feelings. I want to know this baby as she is the sister to my children and want them to know each other. This in itself could be a problem for H.

 

Well what a peach of guy you have you know I would leave his a** regardless IF things are over with this other woman or not.

 

We are talking about a baby here! What kind of a s***head says they had hoped for a miscarriage OR jeez even worse wishes this baby wasn't here because it reminds him of his huge f**k up!? What a jackass!

 

I see he still takes ZERO responsibility for what HE DID. He says well she knew he was married blah blah... hmmmmm well last time I checked he made certian promises to YOU not the OW and while it doesn't make it right for her to have gotten involved with him being married to you, HE is still the one who broke his vows to YOU.

 

It doesn't matter IF this OW has a great job, or a lot of family support, that isn't the point! The point is HE is responsible for this baby the same as she is, and saying he just can't afford to help her out is bulls***. He thought he could afford the price of payment when he had unprotected sex with her! Ugh!

 

Again, I say that you better watch your back and look for that knife behind his back someone who could say, do and feel the way he does about an innocent baby that belongs to HIM, could, and will do ANYTHING to you if it is in HIS best interest.

 

Agh! I would file on his sorry butt!