Ex Called Me Last Night - Wants Me Back

[Compromize]

The unthinkable happened last night. I was getting ready for bed, picked up my phone to turned the ringer off, and when I slid the unlock icon on my phone, I was suddenly answering a call from her. I was shocked, it was the absolute last thing I expected, I had begun to finally move on in my mind and somewhat in my heart.

 

She said what I was waiting to hear and had given up on; that she wanted me back desperately, that she was lost without me.

[amaysngrace]

Meh...do what you want. You will anyway...

[sweetjess1951]

How long were you in NC?

[lovelifexx]

How long ago did you break up? What were her reasons?

[Compromize]

Hit post before I was done, trying to post this from a smartphone.

 

The unthinkable happened last night. I was getting ready for bed, picked up my phone to turned the ringer off, and when I slid the unlock icon on my phone, I was suddenly answering a call from her. I was shocked, it was the absolute last thing I expected, I had begun to finally move on in my mind and somewhat in my heart.

 

She said what I was waiting to hear and had given up on; that she wanted me back desperately, that she was lost without me. We talked for about an hour. She wants me back and says she will do what it takes to get me back.

 

I am a mess. I am scared. I don't know what to do. I love her to death and this is what I wanted but I am afraid of being here again. She still is the only woman I have ever wanted. Really could use some words of advice. I might actually find my true happiness this time but it could also go the other way. The bottom line is that she contacted me, she wants me.

 

NC for close to 2 months. I will do what I want, just need somewhere to get my emotions out without involving her directly.

[barky2]

Congrats on getting the call that we all want.

 

Understandable about being guarded...I know i am.

 

Recently the same thing happened to me (Thursday).

So I can only tell you about what I did IMO,from all the help of ls.

 

Have ZERO expectations.

 

Take things slow so you can really find out her true intentions.

 

She must earn the right to be back next to you...make her work man.

 

Play hard to get.

 

I'm rooting for you man. Keep us posted.

[geegirl]

Is this the one you suspected on a dating site two days ago?

[Compromize]

We broke up in December, got briefly back together, than BU in early February. We were together for over 3 years.

 

Thanks for your input barky2, that's how I feel.

 

geegirl, yes it is. Confirmed it last night, she admitted to going on a few dates. She said it just made her miss me more.

[geegirl]

We broke up in December, got briefly back together, than BU in early February. We were together for over 3 years.

 

Thanks for your input barky2, that's how I feel.

 

geegirl, yes it is. Confirmed it last night, she admitted to going on a few dates. She said it just made her miss me more.

 

Missing you isn't a good enough reason to get back together just because the pickings out there isn't floating her boat. Especially when there is no consistency with her being committed in a relationship.

 

What were her reasons for ending it twice?

 

Am I right that you two started out as an affair?

[Compromize]

To be fair, it wasn't just her that ended it. It was circumstantial as well but she said she felt like she was not enough for me, not able to give enough to make me happy.

 

I agree missing someone isn't a good enough reason to get back together. This woman has so much pride that it shocked me that she called and said what she did.

 

Yes our relationship started as an affair. We couldn't stay away from each other. By rights we never should have been together I know. I also know I have never loved anyone like I love her.

[Compromize]

I have not heard from her today yet though. It could very well be that she doesn't contact me again. I am not getting my hopes up either way and will continue to work on myself.

[iouaname]

Wow, that must be such a stressful situation. I can't really give advice on how to handle it because I have no experience, but I imagine that you feel really torn. Maybe take some time to clear your mind about things and be certain? Regardless of what you do - make sure that you're taking care of yourself!

[geegirl]

I have not heard from her today yet though. It could very well be that she doesn't contact me again. I am not getting my hopes up either way and will continue to work on myself.

 

Please continue to work on yourself. If her reasons are legitimate, I hardly believe she feels adequate now to give you what you want.

 

If there were issues in the R, rekindling because you miss the person is the last thing you should do because what broke the R twice in the first place, is still there.

[ViresSanctity]

To be fair, it wasn't just her that ended it. It was circumstantial as well but she said she felt like she was not enough for me, not able to give enough to make me happy.

 

I agree missing someone isn't a good enough reason to get back together. This woman has so much pride that it shocked me that she called and said what she did.

 

Yes our relationship started as an affair. We couldn't stay away from each other. By rights we never should have been together I know. I also know I have never loved anyone like I love her.

 

That kind of reminds me of my ex - her pride was through the roof. I thought mines was big. Yet, we melted our pride for each other when we were together. It was always there, and we grudgingly accepted to put our pride aside for the time. Ticking time bombs that relationship was.

 

Both of us claim we have never desired to get back with the person we have broken up with in the past.

 

...We've broken up 3 times before the final one. Each break up, we did it in person but inside of course we didn't want it to happen, so it ended up back to the hotel with us. On the last one we still talked on the phone like normal the night before and still very much in love, and then the argument came. There was complete silence after the break up and I knew it was final when no one brought up to see each other one last time again maybe because we knew it couldn't be possible if we saw each other.

 

And since we had that silent agreement, I know we would look foolish and inconsistent if we went back on our words now. We've already injured our pride before, especially her. How can either of us expect respect or take each other seriously if we get back together again after that?

 

I know I couldn't if she ever calls me back someday to take me back; and she knows I won't if I do take her. I would always resent her, and neglect anything serious she has to say from then on.

 

Why be with someone like that?

[misswillow]

I went through this a couple of weeks ago, but then my ex changed his mind yet again, but didn't even bother to tell me. So after a small amount of healing after a few weeks of NC, I have to start all over again. It's been horrendous.

 

Haven't you had many breakups with this ex? (I also had more than one breakup, actually on the third now) If so, just be really careful. I know nothing will probably stop you, because I was the same way. But now I feel like a fool for thinking it could really work this time if it didn't the other times. What really has changed except he missed me? That was about it. And that apparently didn't last very long once he knew I missed him too. I don't know the right way to reconcile with someone, but I think it has to be more than being sad, missing each other, and getting back together. Because that's what we've done every time and I end up in the same place. And I knew deep down, if we did get back together this time, I could never trust that he wouldn't just do the same thing again, no matter what he did or said. It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place...not happy without him, but probably couldn't be happy and secure with him.

 

Good luck, I know this must have thrown you for a loop.

[Sollenn]

Have some time to let things settle down. For now, while you're still confused on what to do, you are at the same time vulnerable to decide. And when you're ready to make a deal out of it, talk with her. Ask questions to clear your mind. My life coach once said, "When you're ready, you have to face the things with hope. Yeah, reality bites. But it is that will also set you free." As much as possible, try to obtain a "win,win situation". Have a great day!

[Compromize]

I went through this a couple of weeks ago, but then my ex changed his mind yet again, but didn't even bother to tell me. So after a small amount of healing after a few weeks of NC, I have to start all over again. It's been horrendous.

 

Haven't you had many breakups with this ex? (I also had more than one breakup, actually on the third now) If so, just be really careful. I know nothing will probably stop you, because I was the same way. But now I feel like a fool for thinking it could really work this time if it didn't the other times. What really has changed except he missed me? That was about it. And that apparently didn't last very long once he knew I missed him too. I don't know the right way to reconcile with someone, but I think it has to be more than being sad, missing each other, and getting back together. Because that's what we've done every time and I end up in the same place. And I knew deep down, if we did get back together this time, I could never trust that he wouldn't just do the same thing again, no matter what he did or said. It was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place...not happy without him, but probably couldn't be happy and secure with him.

 

Good luck, I know this must have thrown you for a loop.

 

Ugh misswillow, that is my biggest fear too. It's funny because yesterday afternoon and evening I went through a bout of grieving that was followed by a strange peaceful feeling of acceptance and moving on. Somehow she must have felt it.

 

I didn't even get the chance to not pick up the call because litteraly as I was sliding unlock on my phone it answered the just incoming call, WTF? I didn't even realize who it was at first and then I heard her voice. I don't think I would have answered it if I would have seen her calling. Just a number, deleted her contact long ago but I still know the number (of course)

 

Have some time to let things settle down. For now, while you're still confused on what to do, you are at the same time vulnerable to decide. And when you're ready to make a deal out of it, talk with her. Ask questions to clear your mind. My life coach once said, "When you're ready, you have to face the things with hope. Yeah, reality bites. But it is that will also set you free." As much as possible, try to obtain a "win,win situation". Have a great day!

 

She contacted me today, we talked for quite a while. I asked a lot of questions, ones that I didn't want to ask and ones that I needed to ask. We are not back together. I feel at peace a little more now, like even if we don't speak again there is some closure and I am at peace just being by myself and single without someone. I don't know why it took talking to her to get me there.

 

She does want to get back together. I told her I was not going to do that unless she showed me she was serious, proved to me that she could trust in us and earn that trust and be able to give it. Truly start over from absolute square one and not fall back into the same routines. She said she couldn't give me all that right now. I told her to contact me if she ever thinks she can. The conversation ended amicably.

 

I am not holding hope that she will contact me again. Of course I would be lying if part of me hopes that she does contact me again but I am going back to NC and bettering myself, healing my wounds. I don't need anyone to make me better. I just need to BE better.

 

All is good in my world tonight, even if it's a small little place with room for one (and my two amazing kiddos!). I am going to enjoy this feeling of peace for as long as I can.

[Weathergirl]

Glad to hear you feel at peace, and that you made your expectations clear from the start.

You sound in control of your future and emotions, this can only be a positive thing. Good on you. All the best.

[misswillow]

I'm impressed with how you handled it. I wish I had been as strong when my ex claimed to want me back.

[Compromize]

Update - She sent me proof that she deleted her online dating profile.

 

Today I feel crappy about the dating thing. I know we were broken up for a while and if we ever do get back together it's not really my business anyway and its hypocritical of me.

 

I stupidly sent a couple of texts this morning (I know ) and received a very short response in the form of a question about one of my texts.

 

I guess I have allowed some hope to creep back in and for some reason I expected a heartfelt response to my texts after her calling me and telling me she wanted me back and the conversation we had. It made me feel that oh so familiar feeling of sending my messages, words, thoughts into the abyss that is her no response. It's that painful feeling we all know so well.

 

Part of me is thinking that maybe she called me to SEE if she COULD get me back and now that she knows I do want her back, it's goodbye again. Maybe I am just reading into things wayyyy too much (I have a tendency to do this ) and need to just chill out. I feel myself today putting my life on hold a little to see what happens with her. Not a good thing for me to do.

 

I'm supposed to go out with some female friends this weekend (just friends) but am considering not going because "the ex wouldn't like it" and it "would hurt our chances of reconciliation". Ah fu@k I thought I was figuring things out a little.

[barky2]

Update - She sent me proof that she deleted her online dating profile.

 

Today I feel crappy about the dating thing. I know we were broken up for a while and if we ever do get back together it's not really my business anyway and its hypocritical of me.

 

I stupidly sent a couple of texts this morning (I know ) and received a very short response in the form of a question about one of my texts.

 

I guess I have allowed some hope to creep back in and for some reason I expected a heartfelt response to my texts after her calling me and telling me she wanted me back and the conversation we had. It made me feel that oh so familiar feeling of sending my messages, words, thoughts into the abyss that is her no response. It's that painful feeling we all know so well.

 

Part of me is thinking that maybe she called me to SEE if she COULD get me back and now that she knows I do want her back, it's goodbye again. Maybe I am just reading into things wayyyy too much (I have a tendency to do this ) and need to just chill out. I feel myself today putting my life on hold a little to see what happens with her. Not a good thing for me to do.

 

I'm supposed to go out with some female friends this weekend (just friends) but am considering not going because "the ex wouldn't like it" and it "would hurt our chances of reconciliation". Ah fu@k I thought I was figuring things out a little.

 

 

Zero expectations = zero hurt.

 

You can't ever show your whole hand.

Honestly I don't think this is over....BUT I also wouldn't hold onto hope live your life as if she wasn't coming back.

 

And to "do something she might not like"?

 

Who the f cares what she likes.

 

She gave up that right broski.

 

Start NC and be aloof dammit....she " can't do that now" your response was perfect....but u didn't mean it. " let me know when you can" was your response... that means YOU should have LET GO the hope until otherwise told directly by her.

 

I want you to tell yourself its over....she cannot provide what your looking for right now, find someone that will unless she tells you otherwise.

 

Keep your responses short, space out time between text.

 

Make yourself busy.

 

And for christ sakes bro, if you want to do something do it...forget wtf she thinks!

 

I'm still rooting for you!

[Waz]

Leave it. It's too soon and you still have feelings. Trust your gut which saying she's just testing the waters.

[Compromize]

Zero expectations = zero hurt.

 

You can't ever show your whole hand.

Honestly I don't think this is over....BUT I also wouldn't hold onto hope live your life as if she wasn't coming back.

 

And to "do something she might not like"?

 

Who the f cares what she likes.

 

She gave up that right broski.

 

Start NC and be aloof dammit....she " can't do that now" your response was perfect....but u didn't mean it. " let me know when you can" was your response... that means YOU should have LET GO the hope until otherwise told directly by her.

 

I want you to tell yourself its over....she cannot provide what your looking for right now, find someone that will unless she tells you otherwise.

 

Keep your responses short, space out time between text.

 

Make yourself busy.

 

And for christ sakes bro, if you want to do something do it...forget wtf she thinks!

 

I'm still rooting for you!

 

Thanks man, I needed that. I need to kill this hope again and not worry about what she thinks, it's hard because the damn woman is all I want and it pisses me off that I want her so bad. Probably because I can't have her.

 

You are totally right, she can't provide me what I need right now and honestly she didn't say she ever could. It's only been a couple days, I guess I expected bigger things/actions from her because that's what I would have done.

 

I don't think it's over either, but I agree that I need to live my life and force my mind back into the thinking that I was in, it being over and moving on with my life. So easy to get fu@ked up when they call you and say they want you back....

 

I haven't been blasting her with texts, just a few today but I need to go to none at all.

 

It was all so clear yesterday, I need to not initiate contact and limit my reply to hers. I'm falling back into the OLD me that I turned into when I tried to get her back from previous BU's. Sheesh. Willpower time again. I did this once, slowly letting her go and now I guess I have to do this again because I might not get her truly trying to get me back.

 

Thanks man, your advice is spot on. Now I just need to man up and listen to it.

[Compromize]

Leave it. It's too soon and you still have feelings. Trust your gut which saying she's just testing the waters.

 

I know. My gut seems to have a mind of it's own that should clearly be the one making the decisions.

 

I'm just setting myself up for more and prolonged heartbreak if I think this is the real deal when the signs point to it's clearly not. It's more of an "are you still there because I might want you back someday" situation I am realizing.

[barky2]

Thanks man, I needed that. I need to kill this hope again and not worry about what she thinks, it's hard because the damn woman is all I want and it pisses me off that I want her so bad. Probably because I can't have her.

 

You are totally right, she can't provide me what I need right now and honestly she didn't say she ever could. It's only been a couple days, I guess I expected bigger things/actions from her because that's what I would have done.

 

I don't think it's over either, but I agree that I need to live my life and force my mind back into the thinking that I was in, it being over and moving on with my life. So easy to get fu@ked up when they call you and say they want you back....

 

I haven't been blasting her with texts, just a few today but I need to go to none at all.

 

It was all so clear yesterday, I need to not initiate contact and limit my reply to hers. I'm falling back into the OLD me that I turned into when I tried to get her back from previous BU's. Sheesh. Willpower time again. I did this once, slowly letting her go and now I guess I have to do this again because I might not get her truly trying to get me back.

 

Thanks man, your advice is spot on. Now I just need to man up and listen to it.

 

My pleasure man.

 

Slowly letting go is exactly what you need to do.

 

One day at a time and keep pushing threw.

 

One day ull thank this experience BC it makes you so much stronger.

 

Everytime when I got a text from my ex my heart would drop.

 

She's agree to meet me, id beg...shed say no.it ****in rips u up.

But when I stopped, started nc...the ball was suddenly in mine.

 

Then I got the call we all hope for.

 

I finally took all the advice on here to go nc let go and move on.

 

Everyone can say it to you till your blue in the face

..BUT YOU WONT DO IT UNTIL YOUVE HAD ENOUGH.

 

That feeling of saying enough is enough is do liberating .

I promise ull get there my dude....just focus one day at a time.

 

Either shell beg for you back...or ull be almost fully healed to find your next love.