robbie2004 Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 My girlfriend and i broke up 1 week today. It came out of nowhere for me and i've been a wreck the last week. I talked to her a few times during the week but she just had this big barrier up and i couldnt get through. During the week i found this forum and was finding it really helpful. Yesturday i said goodbye to her because i had read about the no contact idea on here and thought it was the best thing to do since she had changed so much. Now, yesturday i found out that there had been this guy 'manipulating' her at her work. Now i know that might sound weird or something but she is an impressionable sweet country girl and it is possible. I talked to some of her work mates just trying to figure out what happened to her (and what happened to us) and found out that this guy just does weird manipulative things to girls and that 2 of the girls there even have restraining orders against him... It seems like this guy constantly puts questions in these girls head's like "isn't you boyfriend really a jerk sometimes" (bad example) and convinces these girls that there is something wrong in their relationships when there isnt. sorry for the bad explanation... But basically this guy screws up their lives and they think that he's the good guy. like she said that he was always there 'just wanting to listen'... My ex had only mentioned his name in passing conversations and so i didnt even know she was mates with this guy. i went to her house yesturday afternoon and confronted her about it. And it turns out that this guy has been constantly bagging me (not that we've even met, see above) and that the day we broke up he was on the phone and got her to go out (i guess the reason was to get her mind off things). Him and these other 2 guys from her work had completely changed her and it made the break-up really bad because i didnt know what was going on until yesturday. After the initial confrontation i had 4 friends there to back me up (mutual friends, one couple being one this guy's last targets) and i left them to talk and i sat outside for about an hour. After they left, i went back and talked to her for a few hours and found out how much she had lied to me and how much this guy had played her. and long story short, they were 'talking' in a room together and he started kissing her... i dont know the details of that part yet but i think it was mutual (i think she's pretty confused and messed up). Talking to her friends from work and from talking to her i think alot of it boils down to depression. i'm talking about serious mental illness depression here. so i mean i want to be there for her and help her through this because she doesnt deserve it and i still love her so much. but i'm having trouble understanding and comming to grips with this betrayal. she just shut me out but it appears it was because of this illness and this guy making her question every thing i did. apparently this guy is a real charmer and everyone loves him, but he's really a smart, deceptive married man with 2 children. What should i do! I'm drowning here... Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 There isnt much you can do. I know its hard to sit back and watch someone you love destroy themselves. You can take a month of no contact with her and let her contact you, which she will. You can tell her that if she wants to work on you two then you will be happy to sit down and work it out. If you do this she will more then likely come back to you but you will need time apart for both of you to heal. If I had to do it over 6 months ago I would have done a month of no contact after we split....I would probably have her back now if I did. The other option you have is to be her "friend". If you choose this route then you might not ever get the chance to be with her again. She needs to feel the separation without you....trust me on this. I have started NC after 6 months in order to get my life squared away and to make her realize that she could lose me. I would take the NC approach if I were you. She has friends and family to go to and you are more than a friend to her. You cant be just her friend and be in love with her....it hurts too much. Give yourself sometime apart so you can be stronger for her when she comes back. If you guys shared the love you said you did then she will remember and miss it. I am taking this approach right now, hoping its not too late. Start now while its still early. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts