Leo the Homely Lion Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Affairs often end when the passion is very high. That hurts more than a relationship that has suffered a natural death. Fortune cookie bromides. Would you kindly give me a roster of "relationships that ha[ve] died a natural death"? Link to post Share on other sites
Leo the Homely Lion Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Affairs often end when the passion is very high. That hurts more than a relationship that has suffered a natural death. Fortune cookie bromides. Would you kindly give me a roster of "relationships that ha[ve] died a natural death"? Link to post Share on other sites
Leo the Homely Lion Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 I suppose we are like members of some stupid club...I searched long and hard for the answers and, like you, figured out that even though I was a willing participant, what happened was out of my control and it was because of this...then the pieces started falling into place. Reading this changed my life as well. However(and with all due respect to our esteemed military forces), I do feel like a walking wounded suffering some insane form of PTSD. I have only begun the journey of healing this mess. I wish you well, my friend. TFY Almost every paragraph of that article described my special person perfectly, our relationship dynamics, and maybe me as her perfect foil but that gets into heavy childhood psychology stuff that I have no certainly about. My guess is, though, that I'm that guy. Just ONE out of dozens of points my special person shares with the prototypical BPD gal in this article is that no matter how sharp the man may be, you ain't gonna ever win with this girl. And maybe just two days ago, I posted on this board something like, "I'm a smart dude but she always kicks my ass." Is that a telltale diagnostic parallel? Of course not. But the other two dozen become convinCing -- and, I think, they are all kind of summarized by that ONE thing. I knew she was lying, I knew she was wrong, I knew that the, no poop, THOUSAND of things she wrongfull accused me of were just nuts -- and I know I'm a smart modo -- but she kicked my ass everytime. I suppose this topic's been discussed to death, huh? I would really like to see what others' experience is on this. Because of your link, Fooloftheyear (a title you will cede to me if we ever compare notes), this is the first topic I've seen on this board (sorry, powers that be) that seems like something other than the Internet equivalent of bartalk. It's blown my mind how accurately that article tracked my relationship. So much so that I had to read that twenty foot tall piece twice. She's left me in such a state that I couldn't be as assertive as I needed to be with my dying parent's doctors today. And it may prove very costly. And if you saw me and knew me, you would think I was one of the most confident, palatably-Alpha males you've ever seen. And I was. But almost five years with her abuse -- and that article hints at why i would put up with that-- has just killed me. She gave me life, a thing i told her many times and another thing that artivle says almost verbatim that i'd feel, but as time wore on, I could feel it slippin g -- to the point I'm worse now than when I met her. Saddest thing about me now, how pathetically right that article is about the man in a rlshp with a BPD woman, is that I want her to know she has this condition, that she must be cateful -- and i want to be the person who helps her get well. What I hate about the article you posted is that paragraph after paragraph I was nodding my head, was totally all OMG THIS IS WHY! I agreed with almost all of it, probably 90%. Until that last paragraph. Where it said i didn't really love her. Ordinarily I would dismiss that out of hand. But the article was so right -- until then. I'm going to research the lu ving sh*t out if this. Thanks again, Fooloftheyear. What a mindblowing conclusion to almost five years. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Fortune cookie bromides. Would you kindly give me a roster of "relationships that ha[ve] died a natural death"? Most 'normal' relationships go thru a progression and do die naturally, I said most, not all. Affairs burn hot, the 'couple' is not readily available as are normal daters, the moments are stolen, taken when time permits. The passion is high almost all the time when the two get to see each other, and when discovered or outed, it is in the midst of this passion/fire when they are torn apart, the agony seems to be, IMO, more prolonged for at least one of the parties who was involved in the A when it ends abruptly. I was miserable for a couple months maybe after break ups when younger, if even that long, it's taken me 2 years to even make it to the point I'm at now post A, and I'm not healed completely, not by a long shot. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Id' say it was the hardest thing to deal with after the end of my A. I have never been so crushed in all my life after any break up to the point of being reduced to a blubbering mess. If you were to ask my xAP, I'd venture to say she wouldn't give two sh*t's that it ended and it was easy as hell for her to do. My xAP would probably say/feel the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 I hear ya, sounds very familiar. She lied to me repeatedly. Almost every conversation contained one of her lies. Listen to the song by Look What You've Done by Jet if you haven't. If you've ever wonder what would happen to them afterwards. One of the comments I've left her with all my sincerity was after I thought we were breaking up for reals the 3rd time, "If I ever leave one day, and you find yourself still with your husband or another man, please promise me you won't live like we have here in a shamble of lies and deceit. I will try my best to live with honesty after this." I was making her aware that I knew all her lies, even though I pretended not to many times. I just wanted her to reform for her own good one day. I really do believe their life is just as torn apart by the lies they've painted and it pains me just as much to see her continue living like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leo the Homely Lion Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Listen to the song by Look What You've Done by Jet if you haven't. If you've ever wonder what would happen to them afterwards. One of the comments I've left her with all my sincerity was after I thought we were breaking up for reals the 3rd time, "If I ever leave one day, and you find yourself still with your husband or another man, please promise me you won't live like we have here in a shamble of lies and deceit. I will try my best to live with honesty after this." I was making her aware that I knew all her lies, even though I pretended not to many times. I just wanted her to reform for her own good one day. I really do believe their life is just as torn apart by the lies they've painted and it pains me just as much to see her continue living like that. I'll have to check out that song. What I can't understand is how my special person lives with such an emphasis on integrity in her professional and family life -- but creatively lied to me almost every conversation. She really is an exceptionally honest person except as things pertain to me. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 I was miserable for a couple months maybe after break ups when younger, if even that long, it's taken me 2 years to even make it to the point I'm at now post A, and I'm not healed completely, not by a long shot. Rick.. Reading this part scares the hell out of me, frankly....I hope you are doing well....I have a looooong way to go... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Rick.. Reading this part scares the hell out of me, frankly....I hope you are doing well....I have a looooong way to go... TFY Everyone heals in their own time, some faster than others, some take longer....IMO depending on how immersed you were in the A, how much you were willing to go thru for/with the other person will affect how you deal with it. While I'm over the whole thing, there are times such as lately, where emotions linger, they have an effect and things can trigger said emotions. For me simply, this time of year is the trigger, it reminds me of everything that happened, and the extreme anger that comes along with how xmw chose to handle everything and then how she simply decided to send me a couple of messages after saying leave me alone........ I hold onto grudges and for me, the anger is the last thing to go.... I no longer need her, I no longer want her, I no longer care where she is or what she's doing, I realize she was never mine and Im thankful for that now, but it doesn't change how I invested myself in her only to be unequivocally shot down, turned on and blamed for the whole thing being my fault..... Those are the things that linger at times and find their way to the surface.... 95% of the time I am good and my life is good....emotions have a way of returning to the surface when you least expect it. And with that, I am reminded of what I've done to my wife and remind myself that my victim status means very little.... Not only do I reconcile with what I did, but what I did to my W. Your results may vary. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ViresSanctity Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 You guys might want to take a hard look at this article..I am not saying that is what occured in your A relationships, but many people that suffer BPD have a bad habit of lying... AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline. Its a rather long article, but its worth a look. I feel your pain, OP. Its the worst thing I have ever had to endure. If you want to PM me feel free. TFY I have no idea if she has BPD or not. That's a pretty serious illness. Aside from her chronic BS, I haven't felt like her other areas are strong enough to be considered BPD. She has too many strong bonds in her life. I hear BPD people burn a lot of bridges and aren't capable of even taking care of themselves. Actually now thinking about it, I can say for certain that she doesn't have that but that link was very good to know. I'm not attracted to women like that thank god. Link to post Share on other sites
Washingmachine1980 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 This was the worst breakup ever and I couldn't go to anyone for support. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 This was the worst breakup ever and I couldn't go to anyone for support. Yep. No one to go to for support and having to play "happy face" all day. That's how I found my way here. Link to post Share on other sites
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